tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85445551381585488792024-02-06T23:52:33.716-06:00CROSSroads To RecoveryA faith filled journey through addiction recovery, kingdom building, ministry, marriage, and mama stuff.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01672443780257881427noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-67743615350803101182017-05-11T15:13:00.001-05:002017-05-11T16:30:16.128-05:00The Ministry of Misfits<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The past few months have been an extremely hard season for me, my husband, our family, and our ministry. People betrayed us. People turned their backs on us. People deserted us, abandoned us, and left when we needed them most. We had to break fellowship with people we have been connected to for decades. We began to question why we do this, and if we are still supposed to be doing this. We began to feel alone. Like we were the only ones who cared about the addicts that are dying in the street- dying without knowing Jesus. The devil did his best to destroy us. To make us give up. To walk away. To turn our back on ministry. To throw in the towel. <br />
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BUT GOD had another plan. A week and a half ago in North Carolina, we held a 3 day crusade with 3 other ministries. God showed up and showed out! People were healed, delivered from drugs, demons were cast out, people were slain in the spirit, people left speaking in tongues- filled with the Holy Ghost. The presence of God was so heavy that everyone who walked into that place left changed. Including myself. Things that we, and all of the people that we brought with us, would have never experienced if we would have given into discouragement and walked away. Little did we realize then, but we felt so out of place because God was shifting and positioning things. Change was happening- and change hurts. God was taking our will- and what we thought should or would be happening- and was instead making things work for His purposes. <br />
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For months, my husband and I have been feeling out of place. Like we don't belong. Like no one really, truly understands what we go through in ministry. We have felt so unsupported, so misunderstood. Like we were the only ones fighting to keep this thing going, and questioning if maybe we weren't supposed to keep it going at all.<br />
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Proverbs 3:5 tells us to not lean on our own understanding, but to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts, and He will direct our paths. Very wise advice, but much easier said than done. Our flesh wants us to lean on our own understanding, on our own logic. We always want to know how things are going to turn out, what the future holds, why things are happening the way that they are. But if this weekend has shown me anything, it's that Isaiah 55:8 has become my new life verse- "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than that earth, so are my ways higher than your ways."<br />
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You see, little did I understand then, but God was working His perfect will together through the rejection, through the abandonment, through having to cut people out of our lives, through feeling detached and alone. You see, EVERY single pastor that was in North Carolina had been feeling the same way. They had had the same exact things happen to them and their ministries. They had people turn their backs on them, betray them, they had to walk away from people. They had felt alone and detached too. What we thought was people, was actually God orchestrating things for His purpose. God used that detachment and loneliness that was brought on by people in ministry hurting us to bring all of us together. He separated all of us for HIS purpose, not ours. He used what we had been going through to connect us with each other. To allow this crusade and revival to happen- and for the many more to come. What we thought was people kicking us to the curb, was actually GOD positioning us where we needed to be, and removing people from our lives that would hinder His plan, so that HE can move through us as a ministry team the way that HE needs to- with no constraints, no looking towards the approval of people, no boxing in the Holy Spirit. And in order for that to happen, He had to remove all of us from where we were at, to take us to where we needed to be- and He loved us enough to make sure that people who would hinder or hurt us and what God wants to do didn't come with us. <br />
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So here we are. A rag tag gang of misfits being used by God to make a difference in the lives of the lost by preaching the gospel. Being a misfit has given me enormous sympathy and love for other misfits- the outcasted, the unloveable, the rejects, the addicts, the gangbangers, the prostitutes, those who don't fit in with "proper" society. I have a heart for misfits. And so does Jesus. His entire ministry was built on misfits. He preached to lepers, prostitutes, murderers. He was not in the synagogues preaching to the Pharisees and the "proper" people of society- because not only did He<br />
come to heal the sick- and those who knew that they needed God rather than resting in their own righteousness and good works- but He (God Himself!), was a misfit and not accepted by the Pharisees. He knew what it was to be rejected, to be abandoned, to be mocked, to be looked down upon, to be talked about, to be persecuted. <br />
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You know where else I have heard about a rag tag gang of misfits? In the new testament. The disciples of Jesus Christ- the disciples Jesus himself called- were misfits of society. God Himself did not recruit the religious elite for His crew. Instead, He chose what was despised in this world to shame the pride of the haughty (1 Corinthians 1:27). A shady tax collector, a violent radical named Simon, two very arrogant hotheads named James and John, those who held non-elite jobs and thus weren't seen as "worthy" in their society (fishermen), and a violent Jewish thug who persecuted, imprisoned, and helped murder the very early followers of Jesus -Saul of Tarsus- formed the inner circle of our sinless God. If Jesus had chosen the Pharisees or Jewish rabbis to be his followers, we might have reason to doubt the unconditional nature of salvation. We might question our own worthiness or ability to win His approval or beckon His attention. But the fact that Jesus chose men such as the disciples shows that the heart of God is not swayed by human convention. No one is beyond the reach of God’s grace.<br />
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Throughout history, God has always used the least likely and the most unqualified to provoke change. The Bible is full of misfits—those who usually lost out on man's approval but always won with a God-dreamed vision. They are the ones man overlooks but God notices and plucks from obscurity.<br />
God almost always chooses the one who wouldn't get picked to be on man's team to be an all-star on God's team (Prov. 15:25).<br />
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It is the misfits who know that we are, without a doubt, nothing without God. We know that there is no good in us at all without Jesus. We know that through our own righteousness (what a joke!) and good works, we can do nothing. Peter and John healed a man, and when the Pharisees and High Priests brought them before them to be questions, the bible says, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus."- Acts 4:13.<br />
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What made these unqualified, misfit servants of Jesus stand out as they went about preaching the gospel was not who they WERE but who they KNEW. The message of their lives said these men had been with Jesus, and they (and everyone else!) understood that without God's intervention in their lives, they were simply unqualified fools. They were feared by the religious and powerful, because they never relied on themselves to do anything. Their entire reputation was one that made others sit up and say, "These guys have been with Jesus!" - because everyone knew it couldn't be done through their own righteousness- since they had none! Their lives showed the power of God to all- just hearing about former murderers, tax collectors, thugs, and the non-socially elite and uneducated healing people in the name and power of God pointed people back to Jesus- because everyone knew that these things couldn't be done out of their own human power- because of how screwed up they had been!<br />
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<aside class="mobileArticleInjectedAd"></aside> Being a misfit is a constant reminder to me, and the people I do ministry with, that we are nothing without Jesus, and can do nothing without His power. We are well aware at how powerless and screwed up we were when He found us and saved us. It is those who God has saved out of the deepest pits that understand just howmighty He really is, and how powerless we are on our own. The addicts and prostitutes and murderers and liars and gang members and thieves who have head on collision with Jesus and become set free and transformed are aware of just how powerful God's hand really is, and just how far He is willing to reach to accept us back to Him when we repent and surrender. Misfits are able to minister to other misfits- the ones who haven't been accepted into mainstream churches, the ones who need someone to go to THEM and tell them about Jesus. <br />
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God is awakening the misfits and the unqualified. Purity is the backbone of authority, and authority is determined by brokenness. It is brokenness that keeps us from exalting ourselves in pride but rather be humble, it deepens our compassion for other's suffering and have our heart break for them the way Jesus' does, it causes us to become dependent on his mercy, provision and grace since we can't accomplish anything on our own in our broken state. In brokenness, we become desperate and surrender with all our might to the only one we know can heal us. We get to know God much better in the pit than we ever will on a pedestal. God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18). The spiritual depth of the does not come from degrees on the wall or memberships in prestigious God clubs but from the classroom of brokenness. God has always confounded the wise. He calls forth the available, no matter how misfitting they are. <br />
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And I am proud to be one of God's misfits, no matter what the world may think.<br />
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<b><i>2 Corinthians 3: "Are we beginning to commend ourselves<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28843A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28843A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28843B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28843B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> to you or from you? </i></b><span class="text 2Cor-3-2" id="en-NIV-28844"><sup class="versenum"><b><i>2 </i></b></sup><b><i>You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone.</i></b><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28844C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28844C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span><b><i> </i></b><span class="text 2Cor-3-3" id="en-NIV-28845"><sup class="versenum"><b><i>3 </i></b></sup><b><i>You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28845D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28845D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> not on tablets of stone<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28845E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28845E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup> but on tablets of human hearts.</i></b></span><span class="text 2Cor-3-4" id="en-NIV-28846"><sup class="versenum"><b><i>4 </i></b></sup><b><i>Such confidence<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28846G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28846G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> we have through Christ before God.</i></b></span><b><i> </i></b><span class="text 2Cor-3-5" id="en-NIV-28847"><sup class="versenum"><b><i>5 </i></b></sup><b><i>Not that we are competent in ourselves<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28847H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28847H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup> to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.</i></b><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28847I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28847I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span><b><i> </i></b><span class="text 2Cor-3-6" id="en-NIV-28848"><sup class="versenum"><b><i>6 </i></b></sup><b><i>He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28848J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28848J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup>—not of the letter<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28848K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28848K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup> but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."</i></b></span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-82232964374932976382016-10-19T17:04:00.001-05:002016-10-19T18:03:40.968-05:00Needle marks and an identity crisis.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i><b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men </span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.</span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-11</span></span></b></i><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333;"><i><b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9</span></b></i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Have you ever had an identity crisis? Have you ever doubted- even just for a moment- who you were? Doubted who you have been? Doubted who you will become? An identity crisis is confusing and disorientating, and can come out of nowhere. It can be sparked by the breakup of a relationship, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or position, the loss of respect by someone close to you, your own thoughts, guilt and shame over actions that are out of character, regret over wrong decisions, the criticism and judgment of others, messages from society, the way that people treat us, or a host of other issues can lead us to doubt who we KNOW we are in vulnerable moments. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This weekend, I had quite an unexpected, short term identity crisis that really shook me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I went to the emergency room because I was having trouble breathing. While in the emergency room, they gave me a breathing treatment and took some blood for lab work. They discharged me and sent me home with steroids. No big deal.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The next day, however, I started having problems breathing again (which, I know realize, was from using excessive amounts of bleach in cleaning my basement a few days before). I went into urgent care, where they decided to give me IV steroids. When the nurse lifted up my sleeve to inject the steroids into my vein, she saw the mark on my arm from the night before. She sort of gasped and looked at me, then looked at her chart, and commented "oh, I see that's where they drew blood last night."</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For a split second, I felt the condemnation and judgment that I used to feel when I WAS an IV drug user. Years of feeling unworthy, unwanted, hopeless and disgusted with myself when I was using heroin came rushing back like a ton of bricks. I haven't been looked at that way by anyone in almost a decade, and I was not expecting that gasp and judgmental glance to hit me the way that it did, because I knew what the mark was from, and so did the nurse, so there was no reason for me to feel condemned over it. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I hadn't done anything wrong. If anything, I should have been appreciative that the nurse took the time to make the observation, since there is a very real, very big heroin problem in this area. I brushed it off, and the nurse started to try and administer the steroid shot.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What people who haven't been addicts don't understand is that anyone who has ever been an IV drug user will always have some sort of trauma when needles are injected into your veins for medical procedures. Using intravenous drugs is an experience that is intimate in a way that I can't even put into words. The very ritual of using a needle becomes an addiction of its own. Addicts will shoot water when they don't have drugs, just because they are addicted to the needle. And the thing is, that even after long periods of time without touching a needle, once it's injected into your vein, your body remembers. Your mind remembers. Your addiction remembers. And, the hard thing is, in that moment, your mind doesn't differentiate between the fact that the needle is in your vein for a medical procedure, and not to get high. It just knows that there is a needle in your vein, and once you've had a romantic affair with the needle, floods of emotion come back no matter the reasoning. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Usually, when I get blood drawn, it is over so quickly and I have been clean for so long that it doesn't affect me too much anymore. As long as I don't participate in the ritual and let my head go to a bad place- watching the nurse look for veins, watching them put on the tourniquet, watching them insert the syringe and pull back the blood- I'm alright. As long as I close my eyes through the whole thing, the actual poke doesn't bother me too much. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">However, this is where things got bad for me in Urgent Care. I closed my eyes, and the nurse</span></span><span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> tried using the vein that the ER had used the night before, and she couldn't get it. She inserted the needle four more times into the same vein, and still couldn't get it. Then she tried a vein in my hand, not once but 3 times, and couldn't get that either. She moved to my other hand, got a vein, but blew it out- meaning that the vein rolled and she shot the steroids into my tissue instead. She got up and said she had to get another shot- all the time saying that she never misses, and she didn't understand what was going on. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had managed to keep my eyes closed the entire time. However, when she came back in, I couldn't keep my eyes closed anymore. I was so tired of getting poked with needles that I was going to watch her and make sure she was doing it right. I was praying that God could let her get this, because it was really, really starting to mess with my head. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">I watched the whole thing. She put the tourniquet on, and went to use my "good vein"- the one I had always used when I injected heroin. I watched her insert the needle, and try to pull back blood- in the same spot I myself had done it for years decades earlier. She couldn't get it. She inserted the needle twice more in the same spot, and still couldn't get it. I had an overwhelming urge to scream at her to just let me do it- that I know how to inject things into myself. I had years of practice. I had been a junkie. I know what I am doing. I just wanted it to be over. I just wanted to get out of there. My resolve was starting to wear to a scarily thin place. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">In that moment, I forgot who I was. Who I AM. I was remembering what I had once been, and it scared the life out of me. Feelings and emotions that I never thought I would experience again in my life as long as I stay clean smacked me upside the head like a semi truck. I was transported back to a time in my life when I was a junkie, when I was desperate to find a vein in order to get high. My adrenaline was pounding. I was sweating. I was watching very intently to see blood drawn up into the needle, the same way that I used to look with excitement to ensure that I had gotten a vein before I injected my heroin, so I didn't waste my drugs. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">I felt like a heroin addict again, without touching a drop of drugs. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">What made it worse, is that for the next few days, I was walking around with needle marks and huge bruises from being stuck so many times all over both of my arms and hands. It has been almost a decade since I have had to walk around branded with the track marks of a junkie. While in my head I knew that they were from the hospital and urgent care, my emotions were screaming something else. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDvFQhDAPaQ6_Kq_gxmqIG1i83TrWcMpdHxqFQzGGFLFM3bsnh7eX8St41iOb0_LFlQFa11dI28i_gakR54Ky7bGutpajkTVwvXE1pdoEr7em7oazWMVgBkOYtdzImMRTa2vTjj7_42J0/s1600/needle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDvFQhDAPaQ6_Kq_gxmqIG1i83TrWcMpdHxqFQzGGFLFM3bsnh7eX8St41iOb0_LFlQFa11dI28i_gakR54Ky7bGutpajkTVwvXE1pdoEr7em7oazWMVgBkOYtdzImMRTa2vTjj7_42J0/s320/needle.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyTFPziJp9HUWuwA31XIJMDQTpaByxZhKdjsJoW8vQrIYoKoSa2kebtpc_gevWU6nVZY52QgDP5_PbjhOa80pn5AcPwuVppQD3u6V0e8PgL-dciCobe6g8qc_JD8W8nUdaHAGHiB-WaKY/s1600/needle2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyTFPziJp9HUWuwA31XIJMDQTpaByxZhKdjsJoW8vQrIYoKoSa2kebtpc_gevWU6nVZY52QgDP5_PbjhOa80pn5AcPwuVppQD3u6V0e8PgL-dciCobe6g8qc_JD8W8nUdaHAGHiB-WaKY/s320/needle2.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMX-MrUOxzR9IbssJiFvvmiRFC1EvZIPpsWmTAxmxnvIpGQMizsQ0vNw6QlHfPFI_haG-yUdt3z7Edcc_3jgyqiNC92UzLzolDUkD-8gg8KW33HypCE6IBEEq-6BT6G4vCO593AooEics/s1600/needle1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMX-MrUOxzR9IbssJiFvvmiRFC1EvZIPpsWmTAxmxnvIpGQMizsQ0vNw6QlHfPFI_haG-yUdt3z7Edcc_3jgyqiNC92UzLzolDUkD-8gg8KW33HypCE6IBEEq-6BT6G4vCO593AooEics/s320/needle1.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some photos of needle marks after this weekend. </td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It has been so long that I have had to walk around with needle marks on me, that I forgot what it felt like. Every time I looked down at my arms, memories of my addiction popped up. I remember when those marks WERE there because of drugs. I remember how hopeless and horrible and judged I felt. I was conscious of the fact that people could see the marks on my arms and hands, and I remember knowing how visible they were to other people when I was a drug addict, and that they read as a clear sign to others to stay away from me- branded as junkie garbage- even though what I desperately</span><span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> needed was someone to reach out and try to help. Someone to make me feel human. Someone to let me know that needle marks didn't define me. Someone to let me know that there was a way out- that Jesus could free me from my scars, from my hurts, from my hopelessness, from the needlemarks on my arms. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know who God is. I know what He delivered me from. I know His power. I know who I am in him. I know that I am no longer a drug addict, that I am no longer lost, that I am no longer enslaved to drugs. I remember what he brought me from. I look at the wonderful life that I have now, and can describe it as nothing short of a miracle. I know I am beloved and forgiven and saved and set free. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But knowing that doesn't stop Satan from trying to convince me- or to convince you- otherwise.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">He will pull out every attack that he can to make us doubt our identity in Christ, and the power that we have over every bondage, stronghold, and mistake in the power of Jesus. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He doesn't want you to walk in freedom.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He doesn't want you to realize you are forgiven.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He wants you to give up hope.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He wants to distort God's power.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He wants to make you believe you aren't worthy to be called a Christian. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He wants you to have a false identity- the one he has branded you with through condemnation and sin, rather than the one you have gained through Christ. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That's why it is so hard for drug addicts to get clean and find freedom in Jesus. They live with the belief that the false identity Satan had them under is who they are, instead of who Christ says that they are. That false identity is just reinforced by the bad things they have done, the mistakes that people won't let them forget, the police records they accumulate, the judgmental glances from people, society writing them off as a lost cause. It is so hard to walk in a new identity in Christ when everywhere you look there is guilt, shame, and condemnation screaming that you are worthless, and that God would never want anything to do with you. Most people don't make it out of addiction because they can't hear God's voice telling them who they are in Him over all of the other noise their addiction and mistakes have caused. That can't hear who they are in Christ over the voices of the people that they have hurt who won't let them forget what they've done, people who want to keep them there.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">The truth though, dear one, is that Jesus gave you His identity. No matter WHAT your identity was before, once you accept Christ, you are a new creation, and your identity is in Him. The trick is walking by faith in that truth, and holding God's word about who you are up as the only truth. God's voice and scripture are the only ways to refute the lies that the enemy uses to condemn you. And in order to recognize the lies, you have to tune into God. Pray without ceasing. Repent. Read your bible and study the scriptures and write them on the tablet of your heart, so you can recognize the voices and thoughts that don't line up with them and refute them.. Arm yourself for spiritual warfare- for identity crises that tell you you aren't who God says you are- because I promise you that they will come. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">The beautiful thing is, that even when you DO mess up, even if you relapse, when you make a horrible mistake, when you sin, when you act in an ungodly manner- when you repent and turn back to God- you are STILL His, no matter what you've done. His grace is enough for anything. Your identity is still in Him. Even if those needle marks on my arms would have been from heroin, Jesus still would have loved me. He still would have forgiven me. The enemy doesn't want you to know that. He wants you to believe that if you fall, or fail, or sin, that you are a hypocrite. He will remind you of all of the horrible things you have done and try to convince you that Jesus wouldn't want anything to do with someone like that- and that if you were REALLY saved, it wouldn't have happened, and God doesn't love you.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">The truth, though, is that Jesus came for the sole purpose of saving sinners. He came just for the purpose of saving people who screw up. People who sin. Drug addicts that relapse. Not perfect people, but people who need to be forgiven. It is all throughout scripture. Any voice that tells you anything else is lying, and satan is the father of all lies. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333; font-family: "arial";">Who you were- no matter WHAT you were- before God, does not define who you are now in Christ. Never forget that, no matter who or what tries to tell you otherwise. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">Do you really know who you are? Where are you getting your identity from? Whose voice are you listening to? </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;">Listen to Jesus, and walk boldly in your identity in Him, because His voice is the only one that matters. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHo4w4hkRQQKl_-fLyTKKetsHNhJZTw7JiOYwEgXnXJVQ81KKOgZfQdBcDc99GfEnw62XKQemQ_ccOFixVPJKGMdZhGd85kJbMwNK71k97hrR7XjaT2UwGFJaKpcUBrB4qZ_LWEwCadc/s1600/needle6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHo4w4hkRQQKl_-fLyTKKetsHNhJZTw7JiOYwEgXnXJVQ81KKOgZfQdBcDc99GfEnw62XKQemQ_ccOFixVPJKGMdZhGd85kJbMwNK71k97hrR7XjaT2UwGFJaKpcUBrB4qZ_LWEwCadc/s400/needle6.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white;">"The </span><span class="sc" style="background-color: white; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white;"> redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned."</span><span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333;"> - Psalms 34:22</span></i></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9</i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." - 2 Corinthians 5:17</i></b></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1-EXp14H4CQSAFr1NlMjxRGF0f5MjiUaka2pwR81TtlVeIGTAyuG09SK0kf6OrhFOow_Dw2gCZL-0XSa-K4MMVk2bDzO9ESJDMUPN1Tcqz5g-M_QSCPLAy0lePBNujhJuopt4UUixwoA/s1600/needle10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1-EXp14H4CQSAFr1NlMjxRGF0f5MjiUaka2pwR81TtlVeIGTAyuG09SK0kf6OrhFOow_Dw2gCZL-0XSa-K4MMVk2bDzO9ESJDMUPN1Tcqz5g-M_QSCPLAy0lePBNujhJuopt4UUixwoA/s400/needle10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf1bwV88wuHJWTh_15p_fxUtHqND7b2Vxw7YPd4Klnp75EJXWHYj0LXQEe0cwIlZBIwQyfwHnrEkJaPyeL45bZNlD2F8mFau4EmYPyCezi3vRXWY4LKL1flXiiLxU0JD9juFQPOu1QAj0/s1600/needle4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf1bwV88wuHJWTh_15p_fxUtHqND7b2Vxw7YPd4Klnp75EJXWHYj0LXQEe0cwIlZBIwQyfwHnrEkJaPyeL45bZNlD2F8mFau4EmYPyCezi3vRXWY4LKL1flXiiLxU0JD9juFQPOu1QAj0/s400/needle4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fafafa;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-46466654671151866382016-08-09T23:00:00.004-05:002016-08-09T23:07:28.494-05:00The storms of life prove the strength of our anchor.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivoeOFqXEjSBTqjacYUCg3baD5D4rq07ljqv24SzTnvryap6g3kXIwrwDmPTb5R902-ZxhkqLCFGCDarnBuS3BBzkJilh9-cuOQPG4tK8lal_4r8ZmEOp85tvFjW7uJs-BpfC0sIP8Vdg/s1600/storm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivoeOFqXEjSBTqjacYUCg3baD5D4rq07ljqv24SzTnvryap6g3kXIwrwDmPTb5R902-ZxhkqLCFGCDarnBuS3BBzkJilh9-cuOQPG4tK8lal_4r8ZmEOp85tvFjW7uJs-BpfC0sIP8Vdg/s400/storm.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: "pt serif" , "palatino" , "palatino linotype" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 26px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 39px; text-align: center;"> The storms of life prove the strength of our anchor.</span><br />
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<em style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.</em></div>
<em style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21.994px;"> Proverbs 3:5,6 </span></em><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">The past few months, our lives have been filled with storms- and I'm not talking tiny ones. Not "my kid spilled juice on my new carpet", "I'm fighting with my best friend", "we are tight on money this month" kind of storms. I'm talking earthshaking storms, the kind that change your entire life. The kind that will either force you to panic and lose all faith, or make you cling to your belief that God will get you through the other side of the storm. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">We lost our home.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">While we were camping with our CROSSroads group at LifeFest (a huge 3 day Christian concert in Osh Kosh), we got a call telling us that our apartment had flooded. The tenant above us broke a pipe, and water drained down into our apartment for over an hour, and the damage was so bad that we would have to move out for them to be able to fix it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">Now, as a woman, your home is a safety net. It's where a lot of our stability comes from, and the place we offer stability to our children and spouses. To have it pulled out from under you with no warning leaves you in a state of panic that I can't even put into words.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">The home we had spent years building, caring for, and making memories in was just suddenly gone.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">We had to do an emergency move- and thanks to some great friends, it got done pretty fast. Thankfully, NONE of our stuff was ruined or even wet- only the walls in the apartment were damaged. We were put in a temporary upstairs apartment in the same complex, but told we would need to find somewhere else to live. We were basically homeless- technically having somewhere to stay for awhile, but not able to have a home, and living out of boxes with most of our stuff stored in the garage because we knew we were just going to have to move again. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">For weeks, I prayed and fasted. I didn't understand why this was happening, but I knew God had a reason. I've been walking with God and doing ministry long enough where I have seen God use crazy, confusing circumstances to orchestrate His will, and use bad things to bring blessings. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">Knowing that, however, didn't stop me from worrying. Or grieving. Or hurting for my little boy- the little boy that I am responsible for giving a stable life- who was so confused about where his home went and didn't know where he was supposed to sleep at night, that he walked around with his blanket crying until finally settling on the floor and falling asleep, because he no longer had his bedroom. I felt like I had lost a big part of our lives, without the chance of closure.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">Being in limbo is a horrible feeling- especially if you are someone who isn't blessed with the spiritual gift of patience. The not knowing what is going to happen next is a nightmare for someone with control issues. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">How were we going to find somewhere else to live? How were we going to move everything? Where we were going to come up with all of the extra money to do this? I had tons of thoughts racing through my head, until a still, small voice reminded me that He has never failed me before, and He won't start now. I had to trust Him- because ONLY He could turn this situation around. He was allowing this situation to force me to give up my control, and depend completely and utterly on Him. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">God uses the hardest times in our lives to get us to cling to Him the most. I have grown the most as a Christian when I was personally suffering the most. It is in the times of confusion, of fear, of doubt, of wondering, of feeling forgotten or hurt of lonely, that we grow the closest to Him. It's in the valleys of life where we can truly see God walk with us, and when we come to the mountain on the other side and look back, we can see He was with us all along. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">It is in the valleys where we realize that He alone is enough. When there is nothing that we can do to fix a situation, He shows just how powerful He truly is. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">Seeing His faithfulness in impossible situations shows us just how much He is God, and just how much He loves us. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">Seeing Him work things out in ways that no human could, keeps us in awe of His glory and omnipotence. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;"> Through all of it, God kept reminding me to put my trust in HIM. Was my security in where I lived at, or in God? Was I putting my faith in a home, or in the one who made all things- including our home? The one who had given it to us to begin with, the one who promises to never leave us or forsake us, the one who has taken care of me through the years even when I wasn't walking with Him- was I really going to believe that He would stop taking care of me now?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">God was using that time to build my faith- to trust and depend on Him alone. I believed He would come through- He had to, because there was nothing I could do to fix the situation. I know God well enough to know that He doesn't fail, that He loves me, and that He will never stop caring for me. Yet, everyday, I had to fight the doubt that would creep into my head with the word, prayer and fasting. I had to hold fast to my faith, and trust that my God would come through for me- no matter what it looked like. He will always provide, sometimes just not the way we envisioned. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">I had to fight fear with faith, I had to believe that God would move, I had to recall all of the times He has shown Himself faithful and come through for me before. I had to tell the little voice in my head that would pop up to taunt me with doubt to go for a hike. I had to really, truly stand fast in my faith. The only other option was to completely crumble, become hopeless, and give up.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "museoslab300" , serif; font-size: 18px;">I have a tattoo on my ankle of a cross, a heart, and an anchor. I got it to remind me of Hebrews 6:19- that hope in God anchors my soul. I also have a tattoo on my wrist of a cross with a semi-colon to remind me to keep going when I could give up and stop, because God is not done with me yet. I have spent a lot of time in the past month looking at those two tattoos.</span></div>
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I chose to try and look at the positive in the situation. I could have blamed it on the devil- that He had taken our home from us, that we were being punished for something, that God didn't love us anymore- but the more I prayed and fasted, the more I heard God tell me that HE was using our apartment being flooded as a way to move us to where HE wanted us and needed us to be. It was time for us to move on. He was in control, and I just needed to give my control up to Him, and let Him work out our situation.</div>
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So I waited. </div>
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And God showed up.</div>
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The end result of all of this chaos was an answer beyond our wildest dreams. God gave us a home that we could never have imagined having. A beautiful, huge house, with tons of room to run and a big back yard for our little boy, a park basically in our backyard, a giant screened in front porch, and wonderful Christian neighbors that uplift and help us. It is literally everything we wanted, and everything we dreamed. It is everything we thought we would never have- and wouldn't have if it wasn't for Him. He has placed some wonderful people in our lives that I will forever be grateful to. </div>
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It's a far cry from our two bedroom apartment that was surrounded by neighbors who hated the fact that we were Christians. </div>
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We are happier than we have ever been. I am astounded and humbled that God loves me the way that He does, because I don't deserve it. That He cares so much about us that He would do whatever He had to (including a flood) in order to get us to His blessings and plan for our lives is amazing. The fact that the creator of the universe knows my hearts' desires and provides in a way that is miraculous is astounding to me. I am nobody, but I am somebody to Him- a beloved daughter of a father who has a good plan for my life, and chases me down to show it to me. </div>
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What we thought was home in our apartment, is not what God intended for us. It was never meant to be permanent, but a stepping stone. He had better things in store. We just had to let go of the old, so that God could give us the new- and not complain about it in the meantime. </div>
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I read a story once about a little girl that had a costume jewelry ring that she loved. She wore it everywhere, and wouldn't take it off. It was fake and made of plastic, but to her it was her most treasured possession. One day, her father came and asked if she would give him her ring. She clung to her little plastic ring, and cried and pleaded to keep it, because she loved it so. Little did she know, that behind his back, her father was holding a real diamond ring. He had something better for her- something better than she had ever known- but she needed to give up what she was holding onto to receive it.</div>
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God works that way with us to. His ways are not our ways, and He sees the big picture. He knows what we need, where we need to be, and how we are going to get there. He wants us to trade our plans for his- to give up our plastic ring for his diamond one. Yet sometimes we become so attached to what we know, to what is comfortable, that we lose out by not following God into the unknown. </div>
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God knows. If he takes something away- even if we believe we really need it- it is only to give us something better, or to get us to where we need to be. We just need to trust him in the journey.</div>
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In the unknown, in the midst of the storm, is where we learn just how weak we are, but how powerful our God- our anchor- really is. We gain a closeness to God that we would never get any other way. And in the end, that makes it all worth it. </div>
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<em style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><strong style="font-style: normal; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">James 1:2-4 </strong><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.</em></em></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="font-style: normal; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1 Peter 1:6-9 </strong><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.</em></em></em></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b>Isaiah 43:2</b>
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and
through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you
walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the
flame scorch you. </em></em></em><br />
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<em style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="line-height: 21.994px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-style: normal; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Hebrews 6:19-20</b></span></span></em></em></em></div>
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He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there; the <span class="sc">Lord</span> gave, and the <span class="sc">Lord</span> has taken away; blessed be the name of the <span class="sc">Lord</span>.’</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-51527872832932198062016-07-20T20:45:00.000-05:002016-07-20T20:52:40.459-05:00I don't want to be a chariot truster.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God" (Ps. 20:7, KJV).</b></div>
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This verse came to me this morning. My husband and I are under intense spiritual attack right now. We knew the attacks would worsen once he was ordained as a pastor a few weeks ago, and we thought we were prepared. Spiritual warfare, however, has been taken to a whole new level, in multiple ways. Attacks have seemingly been coming from every side. I started thinking about what I could do to head off the attacks, how I could fix things, what I could do for plan B, who we have in our lives that could help us. Then I remembered this verse.</div>
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There have been two other times in my life, besides now, where this verse got me through. One is a time before I knew God- but looking back in retrospect, I saw God working this promise out in my life even before I was willing to accept Him- because He loves us even when we refuse to love Him. It was in 2008, when I was at the height of my drug addiction. My life was a disaster - in and out of jail, I had lost custody of my kids, hopelessly addicted and had just finished my 13th drug rehab (which I only went to avoid prison time) and I had criminal charges in five different counties that I was on probation for. I had no job, but my boyfriend did. At the time, he was my only reason for wanting to continue to survive. Then one morning in May I woke up and found him hanging by an electrical cord around his neck from the rafter in our basement. </div>
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His suicide made me lose the small reasoning I had for trying to hold on to life. I was done fighting. I had no will to live, and had no idea how I could live even if I wanted to. I had no idea where I would live now that he was dead and couldn't pay the bills, and none of my relatives (rightly) trusted me to be in their homes - especially since his suicide made my instability that much more unstable. I had no idea how I was going to eat, how I was going to pay off my probation fines every month (which meant going back to jail), but most importantly I had no idea how it would ever be possible for my life to be redeemed from that point if I was forced to continue living. </div>
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I remember sitting besides his casket at his wake, hopeless and distraught, with those thoughts running through my head. Then, clear as day, I heard a voice tell me that it was going to be okay. As I stared at my dead boyfriend in the funeral parlor, I remember screaming to myself "how is this ok? This is the furthest away from ok that you can get! There is no fixing this!"</div>
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And I was right. I couldn't fix it. No human could. </div>
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Not too long after, however, I learned that God specializes in fixing the impossible. It was through my boyfriend's death that I ultimately got desperate enough to surrender to God, and he made a way where there was no way. He placed me in a Christian restoration home where I was not only taken care of, housed, and fed, but I was able to get to know Him in a way I never would have been able to otherwise. He used that horrible time in my life to draw me to himself, healed me from drug addiction, gave me joy and a purpose again, turned my past from something to be ashamed of into a testimony to help others, and gave me a family. It was a long road, but He showed up. I would have never have dreamed that day in the funeral home that God could turn that situation around. But where I only saw problems, God had a plan all along. I was just too entrenched in my circumstances to be able to believe it. </div>
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The second time in my life this verse really got me through was when my husband and I moved to Marshfield from the ministry we had been in for years in Milwaukee. When we came up here, we had nothing but our bibles and some clothes. We didn't know where we would live, how we would pay bills, how we would get furniture or food, or how we would get around with no car. We had no idea what we were doing here, but we went because God told us to go - and take nothing with us. And He provided in more ways than we could imagine, even when we didn't see how it would happen. Even when WE couldn't make it happen. </div>
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Both times, God showed up. He provided. He says He will never leave or forsake us. And He doesn't lie. </div>
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God had it all along. He always will. Why I act like an Isrealite so many times in my life and start wondering if God has freed me from Egypt just to let me die in the desert is beyond me. He has proven his faithfulness over and over again. Everything comes through Him- every help, every escape, every resource, every open door. And He has a good plan for my life, even when it makes no sense to me. He has shown me that over and over again, and I feel like he is using our current situation to remind me of that and my need to be dependent on Him and Him alone, because He is more than enough and can make a way out of no way. </div>
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When we try to make things happen or worry or look at the resources around us and put our faith in those things instead of God, we are trusting in chariots. When we trust in credit scores or bank accounts or manpower or battle plans or our own self reliance, We are trusting in the created instead of the creator. We are thinking about how we can take care of ourselves instead of trusting in the one who holds the world in the palm of His hand, and whose thoughts are too wonderful for us to understand. </div>
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Sometimes God closes doors because He doesn't intend for there to be a human solution. He wants to show up in a way where there is no doubt that it was Him, and Him alone that brought you through. He wants to build our faith, show His glory, and display just how much He loves us and is willing to step up for His child. </div>
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Here’s what’s interesting. Although their enemies used horses and chariots in battle, initially God prohibited the children of Israel from even having horses! (Deut. 17:16). </div>
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Imagine the terror the people of Israel must have felt whenever they looked across the valley and saw their enemies lined up in these menacing machines of war, ready to attack. I know I can feel that way when circumstances are out of my control and I have no idea how I will make it out. Yet look how God instructed them to face their enemies on the battlefield:</div>
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"When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou, be not afraid of them: for the Lord thy God is with thee, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt. ... For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you" (Deut. 20:1, 4).</div>
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You would think that not having horses or chariots would have made Israel extremely vulnerable against her enemies. So why did the Lord forbid them to multiply horses? The Word tells us why:</div>
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"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God. They are brought down and fallen: but we are risen, and stand upright" (Ps. 20:7-8).</div>
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God wanted Israel to trust in Him, not horses and chariots, and not their own battle plans. When they faced their enemy on the battlefield, they were to remember how He and He alone - not their weapons, not their intelligence, not their self sufficiency, not their manpower - had delivered them in times past. They were to remember how He delivered them from Egypt’s chariots at the Red Sea (Ex. 14:7). Their faith was to be in Him, not their own ability (that's why God became so angry at David for taking the census in 1 Chronicles 21- he turned his faith from God to his army). God alone was their battle plan. </div>
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As they remembered Him, they put their trust in Him. And He delivered them. He has done so for me too, and will again. </div>
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When we are in the heat of the battle and it looks like the enemy is closing in, we need to go back and remember all that the Lord has brought us through. He has not changed. Just as He brought us through the trials of yesterday, He will bring us through the trials of today and tomorrow too.</div>
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I don't want to put my trust in chariots, though it is the first reaction of my flesh. Chariots have no power. God alone does, and He is the only one who can save. I pray that God gives me the strength to rely on Him and Him alone, because He is all I need, and has a solution for every battle I face. </div>
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"Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-20100120899180903872016-07-18T16:31:00.001-05:002016-07-20T20:54:09.556-05:00You will always have a Peter and you will always have a Judas.<div style="text-align: center;">
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With all the craziness the past few days, I realize just how wise Pastor Cano (the one who discipled me) at Victory Church was. He told me once that in ministry, you will always have a Peter and you will always have a Judas, and both are necessary and part of the plan. That man was truly wise beyond his time. I'm thankful for all of the Peters- those that support us, have grace for us, and speak life into us - the armor bearers who wage war against darkness as partners with us. I'm thankful for an amazing pastor (who is also wise beyond his time) who walks through messy ministry with us, takes the time to have multiple hour conversations and fellowship with us, and realizes we are human. I'm also thankful for those who don't extend grace and mercy to us, those who are determined to see bad intentions or accuse, because it reminds us just how important it is that we extend the grace and mercy we don't receive that much more to others, and reminds us that God uses all things for good and His plans can't be thwarted. Thankful that God exposes the motives and intentions of the heart, that he removes and prunes but also provides. Thankful that Satan may accuse, but God will always justify when you are in his will. I'm Thankful for the negative things people may say or imply, because it only makes me that much more determined to rely on God to fight for me, and to justify. I'm Thankful for attacks because it reminds us we are a threat to the enemy. Ministry is messy, but God will always make a way, and fighting for the kingdom of God is always worth it. When the enemy comes in like a flood, God will raise the standard. That I know for sure. I am grateful for this journey, and to be counted worthy to be a small part of God's plan. I'm thankful for the Peters that make this journey easier, and for the Judases who keep us on our toes and renew our determination to keep pressing on with God's plan despite any and all adversity, and for reminding us just how seriously we take our commitment and calling.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-79156325864793262242016-07-12T20:57:00.000-05:002016-07-18T16:21:18.875-05:00Wise counsel lessons from JobI was talking to someone earlier about the book of Job. The thing that stands out to me the most in that book, aside from God's redemptive power, is how confusing the whole situation looked to outsiders. His wife told him to curse God and die, and his friends accused him of sinning and being punished by God. They were too spiritually immature to realize that all of the negative circumstances were in fact being used by God as an Avenue to bless him more than before, for How's glory to be shown in his life, and to strengthen his faith. They didn't know God well enough to believe that he uses everything - even the bad things - for ultimate good, and that he is Redeemer of all who will never leave or forsake us. They accused Jobs of doing wrong, when in reality God allowed those things to happen because he knew Job was trustworthy of handling the adversity and remaining faithful to worshiping God even when he wasn't being blessed by him, where others would turn their back on him. So many follow God for the loaves and the fishes - but God wants soldiers who will follow him even though adversity. If Job would have listened to them, he would have lost faith. Instead, he ignored their negativity and kept his eyes on God, and was better after the tribulations than when he went in. Moral of the story : be careful whose counsel you listen to. Don't let the enemy speak lies to you through other people's opinions and speculations. Listen to those who know God, who have been through horrendous storms that have brought them incredibly close to God and allowed them to witness his faithfulness. Those who know that he will use all things for your good. Not everyone realizes that God works through the valleys even more than he does the mountain tops. Not everyone has been through a deep enough valley to have seen God's redemptive and saving power. I know that God is faithful, as he has seen me through some tremendous valleys and blessed me on the other side. Job's friends looked like fools in the end, because they couldn't see that God was working behind the scenes all along. Don't have people in your life who tell you to curse God and die, kick you while you are down, or whisper and gossip about your misfortune and speculate about God's not loving you, or what you did to cause it. Surround yourself with people who know God well enough to know that he is orchestrating all of your circumstances - even the negative ones - for good, and who will remind you of that when you are weak. I am so thankful that I have those kinds of friends in my life. Those who know that God has plans to prosper, and not to harm. Those who speak life instead of death. Those who stand stand beside you instead of abandoning ship because they think bad things are happening because you did something wrong. Those who truly know God's heart. They are few and far between, but with friends like that, a few is enough. That is a blessing far and beyond anything money can buy. God is good, all the time. That I know, and that they remind me of. For that I am grateful.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-32191346629205127102016-06-25T14:14:00.001-05:002016-06-25T15:21:19.654-05:00Doing crazy things for God- and stepping out of the box.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If there is one thing that I have learned since being saved and doing outreach ministry, it is God will ask us to do crazy things sometimes. Things that seem insane in the natural, but make perfect sense to Him and His plan. Things that we can't see possibly working, things that seem too big for us to take on- because logically, they make no sense. I have seen a lot of crazy things in ministry, and I have been asked by God to do a lot of crazy things in ministry.</div>
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The thing is, we have to allow God to do "crazy" things that don't make sense to us sometimes in order for His will to be done. God is not a God of the natural, but of the supernatural. I think that many Christians have forgotten that. They have stopped expecting God to move the same way that He did in the bible- through miracles, signs and wonders. </div>
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For the most part, our culture has put God in a box. A nice, safe, box where we believe that He can only move so far. Only far enough to where it still makes sense to us. When the spirit of God moves in ways that don't make sense, many people don't know how to react to it.</div>
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When God tells you to do something "crazy"- something that defies logic, things that seem impossible, many people aren't going to know how to react to you either. </div>
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There is a very familiar story in the Book of Luke of how four men helped an invalid man to Jesus. They went to great measures to lower him through a roof-top down to where Jesus was. In this story Jesus heals the man and at the conclusion of the narrative it says: “And they were all amazed, and they glorified God, and were filled with fear, saying, <b>We have seen strange things to day." </b><br />
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They said what happened was strange to them. I started thinking about other "strange" (miraculous!) incidences in scripture, where faith defied logic, and the supernatural moved outside of the box of the natural.<br />
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There are so many incidents in scripture where God instructed people to do something outside the realm of logic. What we see as miracles today, looked crazy to the people who were watching them back then. <br />
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Jesus healed a blind man by spitting in the dirt and rubbing mud on his eyes (John Chapter 9). <br />
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Abraham was told that he would have a son, even though his wife was 90 years old (Genesis 17:17)</div>
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Naaman’s was told that in order to heal his leprosy, all he had to do was go wash seven times in the Jordan River. (2 Kings Chapter 5).<br />
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Peter went to Jesus and said he needed money for taxes and Jesus responded, “Go catch a fish and look in his mouth,” and low and behold there was money in it! (Matthew 17:27).<br />
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Then there was the time when the disciples needed to feed thousands of people and they asked Jesus what to do, and He told them to feed the crowd with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. (Mark 6:37). If you had been there, wouldn't this have seemed crazy?<br />
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Ezekiel was told to go preach to the wind and then to the bones. (Ezekiel Chapter 37).<br />
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Lazarus' sisters were told by Jesus that he would bring him back to life- even though he had been dead and buried for 4 days (John 11:17).<br />
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Peter was told to walk on the water, even though scientifically it's impossible (Matthew 14:29).<br />
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Moses was told by a burning bush to go to Pharaoh and demand that he let God's people go (Exodus Chapter 3). Joshua was told to conquer a city by walking around it, and the walls would fall down (Joshua Chapter 6).<br />
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Gideon was told to battle nearly 135,000 Midianites with 300 men and they were only to arm themselves with a pitcher, a lamp, and a horn (Judges Chapter 7).<br />
If you were there, wouldn't this have seemed like strange instructions? More importantly, would you have been able to obey what God was telling you to do, rather than fear defeat because you didn't have the "logical" weapons?<br />
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And, of course, let's not forget Noah being told to build a huge ark, in the desert, when it had never rained before, because God told Him it was going to flood (Genesis chapters 5-10). Surely he was mocked by passerby's who saw him working on this huge ark in the middle of the desert day after day, year after year. I'm sure that in today's culture, he would have been committed to a mental institution for a psychological examination. <br />
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In every instance the instructions did not make sense in human logic, but every time there was success- because God was behind it. <br />
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The bible is full of people God asked to do crazy things. The People of Jesus who seem to make the biggest difference are the people who step out and do things that most won't BECAUSE they think it's crazy. When you're doing crazy things for God, sometimes ALL you have to stand on in blind faith in Him alone. <br />
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Hebrews 13:8 says that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."<span class="p"><br /></span>In the bible, God moved in a way that wasn't logical. Why has today's Christianity expected Him to change that? Why is it that the crazy things of God are no longer celebrated, but feared? Why are we not open to "seeing strange things to this day"? Why do we feel like God must make sense to us? Why is it so hard for us to believe that God can still do the miraculous- no matter how crazy it may look? <br />
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It's important to remember that God is so much bigger than what our small human brains can comprehend, that He is more capable than we can imagine, and that He can move outside the realm of what we think is possible. . It's important that we don't let logic box in our faith. <br />
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The fact that I am in ministry at all, I'm sure, looks crazy to religious people. Using the wise, the educated, the moral to spread the gospel makes sense to man- using a former heroin addict doesn't. Paul, prophets run out, told they were crazy. When Jesus chose his disciples, many of the religious people of the day couldn't comprehend why he was using a rag tag gang of misfit sinners instead of the Pharisees who held a high moral code and knew the bible back and forth.. It didn't make sense that Jesus was hanging out with prostitutes and sinners and preaching on the streets instead of in Jewish temples. That's why they didn't believe He was God. If He was God, in their mind, that would have been the logical thing to do. But He was working out of the box- the box they had came to believe God had to operate in. And they missed the living God right in front of their faces because of their logic.<br />
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The Bible tells us that God “by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of — infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes” (Ephesians 3:20 LB). Do we REALLY believe that? Even when it seems crazy? Even if we are mocked, ridiculed, and made fun of for having an outlandish faith in something that we know God has told us?</div>
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Is God telling you to do something crazy? Something that looks foolish to others, but you know without a doubt is from Him? 1 Corinthians 1:27 says that "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." Whose voice are you going to believe? Will you be obedient to God or to the opinions of man?<span class="p"><br /></span><span class="versiontext"></span><br />
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It's also important to remember that when God tells you to do something crazy for Him, it might not always work out the way you thought it would. It may even look like a failure in your eyes. But you can guarantee that it is working for good, according to His purpose- no matter what it looks like on the outside. </div>
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Paul (in the book of Acts) was told to just GO and preach, and build the church. He had no building, no elder team, no fundraising plan. Everywhere that he went, there was either a revival or a riot. Surely the revivals seemed to prove that Paul was doing God's will, but the riots looked crazy to those watching, and I'm sure they couldn't possibly understand how that could be part of a God's ordained plan. Moses went to Pharoah multiple times and he refused to let the Israelites go. Most of the old testament prophets were run out of the cities that God sent them to speak in. The disciples were jailed, beaten, martyred, and killed. In logical terms, that seems like a failure. But in the supernatural, it was a part of the plan all along.</div>
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We are only responsible for being obedient- no matter how illogical what we are being told to do is. God is responsible for the results. So step out in faith, and leave the rest up to Him.</div>
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The world can call me crazy. I'm okay with that, because "<span class="text 2Cor-5-13" id="en-NIV-28891"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>If we are “out of our mind,”<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28891P" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28891P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)"></sup> as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you" (2 Corinthians 5:13). I will take being crazy for God over being sane for man any day. And that attitude is hard for me, because at heart I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen. In fact, I used to be so horribly paralyzed by the need to control circumstances and for things to make logical sense that I would have twenty backup plans for plan A, and totally fall apart if the course deviated the slightest bit from the way I had planned it (which is a very stressful way to live!) I like to have my ducks in a row. I also prefer NOT to look insane. </span></div>
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<span class="text 2Cor-5-13">But I also know that when God moves, we can't try to stuff Him back in our box of logic, plans, and constraints. Because if we allow God to fully move, it will be much better than anything we could have planned out anyway.</span></div>
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Because what seems crazy today, could end up being a miracle of God tomorrow. God doesn't need to make sense to us. And if you need to see, don’t be surprised if Jesus spits in the dirt and rubs mud in your eyes. </div>
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<span class="passage-display-bcv"><b><i>Isaiah 55:8-9</i></b></span><span class="passage-display-version"><b><i>New International Version (NIV)</i></b></span></div>
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<span class="passage-display-version"></span><span class="text Isa-55-8" id="en-NIV-18749"><sup class="versenum"><b><i> </i></b></sup><b><i>“For my thoughts<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18749A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18749A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> are not your thoughts,</i></b></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"><b><i> </i></b></span><span class="text Isa-55-8"><b><i>neither are your ways my ways,”</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-8"></span></span><span class="right"><span class="text Isa-55-8"><b><i> declares the </i></b><span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;"><b><i>Lord</i></b></span><b><i>.</i></b></span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-55-9" id="en-NIV-18750"><sup class="versenum"><b><i> </i></b></sup><b><i>“As the heavens are higher than the earth,</i></b><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18750C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18750C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"><b><i> </i></b></span><span class="text Isa-55-9"><b><i>so are my ways higher than your ways</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"><b><i>and my thoughts than your thoughts.</i></b><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18750D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18750D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup></span></span></div>
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<i><b>"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."- Isaiah 30:21</b></i></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-86184952320946611292016-06-04T12:52:00.002-05:002016-06-04T12:52:24.815-05:00Our tour of PGM- a testament to God's faithfulness!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_LPkHSH3ufIw3VP9Iz6s6RT4Qz5DktXiC5M4GCF9UYqP263_RVOz7gDnmmnQrjchUUf5TMlWAQL9eDa73eOIrhE9_U_tOcQ0ymksLrvJFOhfwzHPrtQ0FMh29pKfna-PKeZin7_1j9BB6/s1600/PGM1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_LPkHSH3ufIw3VP9Iz6s6RT4Qz5DktXiC5M4GCF9UYqP263_RVOz7gDnmmnQrjchUUf5TMlWAQL9eDa73eOIrhE9_U_tOcQ0ymksLrvJFOhfwzHPrtQ0FMh29pKfna-PKeZin7_1j9BB6/s320/PGM1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This past weekend, my husband and I went to the south side of Chicago along with some friends of ours who also run a non-profit in Marshfield. We got to take a tour of Pacific Garden Ministries- the biggest homeless shelter and addiction program in Chicago, and home of the radio program "Unshackled", which tells true stories of people being saved and redeemed by Christ.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZM9UT_2xK3VahFSQ7v84CjShmAaAQYbV5diYJ6PECa-vrOnb82NwMirSirjG-uP31Rym28luQ83IMHMJYdN7XgpqA9E3cBwvcKSzzyW-9EOzZNPSjrcJ3yerXRpeaGMFLfajMB_H9rTLj/s1600/PGM2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZM9UT_2xK3VahFSQ7v84CjShmAaAQYbV5diYJ6PECa-vrOnb82NwMirSirjG-uP31Rym28luQ83IMHMJYdN7XgpqA9E3cBwvcKSzzyW-9EOzZNPSjrcJ3yerXRpeaGMFLfajMB_H9rTLj/s320/PGM2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We were absolutely floored by the experience. Pacific Garden Missions has been around for 139 years. We were able to take a tour and spend the day there. It was so amazing to see the faithfulness of God, and how he has kept this ministry running all this time off of only donations from people! We wanted to see Pacific Gardens to take note of what they have done to remain successful for so long, and to see what things they do that we can implement into our upcoming recovery homes for drug addicts in Marshfield. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Td9FL9smxvCfPI1cREZqxLJ63NGg5PEjFq3CaFE2JKZ37QNazC1k9FxFM5FKUMyg3WHv8PEtda3IP5OkS-BHPnrlPsn6ju6Y9E2AjDymuSDp1tW-GaOVjCWJ5Q55xzbR5Qm6PKysgFy-/s1600/PGM3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Td9FL9smxvCfPI1cREZqxLJ63NGg5PEjFq3CaFE2JKZ37QNazC1k9FxFM5FKUMyg3WHv8PEtda3IP5OkS-BHPnrlPsn6ju6Y9E2AjDymuSDp1tW-GaOVjCWJ5Q55xzbR5Qm6PKysgFy-/s320/PGM3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Walking down the "Yellow Brick Road", where all of the offices, dining areas, counseling programs, day rooms, and sanctuary are kept. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNmbydUKNt1P23QcqJLEEP8leIlJDXPFGEp9t5FkNOKrGCfp4ONOD3DyjVtiXvGYWKuYvh2goWtIbbAN9DNyS_VpZ1WIuOc0CAuRIsZEw1rbRYIzlK2H3svcw39jYAuj4g20ZtN1c6zz6V/s1600/PGM4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNmbydUKNt1P23QcqJLEEP8leIlJDXPFGEp9t5FkNOKrGCfp4ONOD3DyjVtiXvGYWKuYvh2goWtIbbAN9DNyS_VpZ1WIuOc0CAuRIsZEw1rbRYIzlK2H3svcw39jYAuj4g20ZtN1c6zz6V/s320/PGM4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The sanctuary where service is held and "Unshackled" is recorded.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-BqiRndVmIF0lTII0fmGRe-O85aAce_6vxylAMF6RJE8k_LaVMxDd0GwiP6wyVn9UVCq-BicDDlmApEPGlT1B7KRXp8kVRuB0l6FIO9P6HQLOJrjXniXu4FDqRAaXHHSrKNmndotz8c5Y/s1600/PGM5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-BqiRndVmIF0lTII0fmGRe-O85aAce_6vxylAMF6RJE8k_LaVMxDd0GwiP6wyVn9UVCq-BicDDlmApEPGlT1B7KRXp8kVRuB0l6FIO9P6HQLOJrjXniXu4FDqRAaXHHSrKNmndotz8c5Y/s320/PGM5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The size of this place was absolutely overwhelming. They serve 3,000 meals a day and house 1,200 people a night. We were amazed as we walked through, and were in awe of what God had built. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmCV7gQ0nby-jbJ6bDyao9bnnTpG_mMPXiwh0fSRAE2xNMSj4bcTNi-lhGY4mFTGDjEbZYZhQHEAnKus3dbkVvdwy7ArZsK_L8eipvWglEuum-FVrZwPuOLSlRs0pl5oZrYxVZ9a45uJtZ/s1600/PGM6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmCV7gQ0nby-jbJ6bDyao9bnnTpG_mMPXiwh0fSRAE2xNMSj4bcTNi-lhGY4mFTGDjEbZYZhQHEAnKus3dbkVvdwy7ArZsK_L8eipvWglEuum-FVrZwPuOLSlRs0pl5oZrYxVZ9a45uJtZ/s320/PGM6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Pacific Garden Missions started 139 years ago in an apartment in Chicago- ironic, huh? ;) The couple who started it wanted to reach the homeless and addicted. They soon started renting a house where the homeless and addicted could stay at for free (again- pretty ironic, since this is exactly how CROSSroads started and what we are going to be doing in the future).</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdPuSuuqpr_JEkO2MP5SL-58P2YTJISmNPE_DiUPkK7sjqMjSGDneyR_RH2uw6oQsRVZxZbyHakQ52WDnEHukOUjXXMye715yoxej-vAxNUKG8Jqx8ZRwmVyaOYjSjaGB53dmElMrOUAJ/s1600/PGM7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdPuSuuqpr_JEkO2MP5SL-58P2YTJISmNPE_DiUPkK7sjqMjSGDneyR_RH2uw6oQsRVZxZbyHakQ52WDnEHukOUjXXMye715yoxej-vAxNUKG8Jqx8ZRwmVyaOYjSjaGB53dmElMrOUAJ/s320/PGM7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Street lights on the Yellow Brick Road.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIcL0uU6S_iw_kYGwxeGLNepoBImXEgqKUFYCSwEflrD4HH3uNAKIShqUHmvAIfeygsT0u1YI0nvXdDl2IaNfWEPnQrn0pj4UGiU8RmAlnjwKh4kcu4_HzM5hP4MqFr-tQLRtGktYNcL9t/s1600/PGM8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIcL0uU6S_iw_kYGwxeGLNepoBImXEgqKUFYCSwEflrD4HH3uNAKIShqUHmvAIfeygsT0u1YI0nvXdDl2IaNfWEPnQrn0pj4UGiU8RmAlnjwKh4kcu4_HzM5hP4MqFr-tQLRtGktYNcL9t/s320/PGM8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Aerial view of Pacific Garden Mission- look how gigantic is it!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmkFTmbViASSlQSyJ7MWZuEUCBbPswXfi5b8Ylvjn7NOylPrDKpHbnB-FFO-laSabb-2YCVqH_8fkUQglksdC192jvuOftt8YHqREpohkbeyYxhy5Obk35UspvYbVK5NkRSnbhCitTZfvt/s1600/PGM9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmkFTmbViASSlQSyJ7MWZuEUCBbPswXfi5b8Ylvjn7NOylPrDKpHbnB-FFO-laSabb-2YCVqH_8fkUQglksdC192jvuOftt8YHqREpohkbeyYxhy5Obk35UspvYbVK5NkRSnbhCitTZfvt/s320/PGM9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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One night, the day before the rent on the house was due, the couple who ran it were in a panic because they had no money to pay the rent. They sat up all night praying for God to make a way, as they had no idea where the money was going to come from. The next morning, they woke up to their back yard covered in Morel mushrooms- which sell for $50 a pound. They picked the mushrooms and sold them, which enabled them to pay their rent on the house. The mushrooms had never been there before and never came back again. What an awesome testimony of God's provision- much like Manna from heaven!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10u00WFLp80Ts2pjhigoo_imH_FGGkrerUfh7Cq-jIto2NgmZUqbicXcOc2_kQmBDu7a7PiM0Q7cu3TOlyyXtfLoyyEtkQRybnweiYXuwXKcxYdTz6ifaZUILja4xciarIpktQ87VWQHo/s1600/PGM10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10u00WFLp80Ts2pjhigoo_imH_FGGkrerUfh7Cq-jIto2NgmZUqbicXcOc2_kQmBDu7a7PiM0Q7cu3TOlyyXtfLoyyEtkQRybnweiYXuwXKcxYdTz6ifaZUILja4xciarIpktQ87VWQHo/s320/PGM10.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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They soon moved into a small storefront, then eventually a bigger building, until finally they moved into the huge building that they have now a few years ago. As the ministry grew, God provided everything they needed in the most unlikely ways. People drive up and hand over the keys and titles to cars. Jimmy Butler from the Bulls comes in once every other month and orders $15,000 worth of pizza for everyone. Private donors help them meet their 4.5 million annual budget. God's hand has been there through it all.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnain0jAAqXBDRQSYfHELXwk_pKhh3yYKWHm4rHBUrsn9iVjxcne0ZTipdzAP4Qj-JOPQJXBGPDjX5zjLNxKNa0_WWI3bolFaJJoR9abiTR__Tt3aA6ZbL6qM2qFlk3mCY00F4tO1YKuhT/s1600/PGM11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnain0jAAqXBDRQSYfHELXwk_pKhh3yYKWHm4rHBUrsn9iVjxcne0ZTipdzAP4Qj-JOPQJXBGPDjX5zjLNxKNa0_WWI3bolFaJJoR9abiTR__Tt3aA6ZbL6qM2qFlk3mCY00F4tO1YKuhT/s320/PGM11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I was really touched by the stories of God's provision. It renewed my faith in the fact that if God wants something to happen, he will provide a way for it to happen, even when we don't see a way. It's important that we remember first and foremost that these ministries are God's, and that He will take care of them. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheV2dKdJDhawTNsPDPW-PGNMKxJaXiCVNZX7kQLA91OW31fsGO8Vrk6k4xLxQpYWCmBgyjun8m7chv19T7H9v2jpjMXElII9q41prx9o7q7CVnkDCU3qPb0KyFSTR2YLI3hM4AdtAjRaXY/s1600/PGM12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheV2dKdJDhawTNsPDPW-PGNMKxJaXiCVNZX7kQLA91OW31fsGO8Vrk6k4xLxQpYWCmBgyjun8m7chv19T7H9v2jpjMXElII9q41prx9o7q7CVnkDCU3qPb0KyFSTR2YLI3hM4AdtAjRaXY/s320/PGM12.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in worry, wondering how God will work things out, where the money will come from, where the people will come from, where the help will come from. I know in our ministry, we wonder how we are going to be able to help all of these people, how we are going to fund the homes, how we can possibly do all of it when we are just a few people. It's good to be reminded that we don't have to do anything, God is the one who will make a way. He takes care of his people, and He is the one who provides provision. I can only pray that we have the kind of faith in CROSSroads that Pacific Garden Mission has been able to hold onto for 139 years, trusting God even in the hard times. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhymGKkUyw0jxOUdAL6w99OqEoEGLiOs2ObJ7kAJtefcJFDYby-W-J_xfqXd57ISmeJMnqAQKvYavH6QexKw15vGeEBfkkaS_GJMmggLJvoHhy0zYOqeRgOQVWF6jC4b42KF-KG0LFVkxXG/s1600/PGM13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhymGKkUyw0jxOUdAL6w99OqEoEGLiOs2ObJ7kAJtefcJFDYby-W-J_xfqXd57ISmeJMnqAQKvYavH6QexKw15vGeEBfkkaS_GJMmggLJvoHhy0zYOqeRgOQVWF6jC4b42KF-KG0LFVkxXG/s320/PGM13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The greenhouse.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLY6sctBl-wYyMsMb8jxk5Ntl1JbB8vgBor9AQbdTZaLXCIzfozYZMSKZlR92phHeup-sOh9j36E0D4HnBuNCRPNPWzevdslSpoHMRzE6XsiEtiPk8pkl8ZB-Gjtffhu5LJPyN1ZuXa3rH/s1600/PGM14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLY6sctBl-wYyMsMb8jxk5Ntl1JbB8vgBor9AQbdTZaLXCIzfozYZMSKZlR92phHeup-sOh9j36E0D4HnBuNCRPNPWzevdslSpoHMRzE6XsiEtiPk8pkl8ZB-Gjtffhu5LJPyN1ZuXa3rH/s320/PGM14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The massive cafeteria where meals are served.</div>
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Taking a tour of the dorms where people sleep.</div>
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The "hotbox" where clothes and blankets are sterilized before people enter the facility.</div>
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Our day here was such an uplifting experience. For the past few months, I have been struggling with my faith a little bit. Things have been going crazy and the spiritual attacks have been relentless. I was struggling with whiter God saw what was going on, and if He was going to intervene. I was questioning if we are really doing what we are meant to be doing, because we were going through such hardship.</div>
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The thing is, just because you are doing what God commands, doesn't mean it will be easy. If anything, you have to expect it to get hard. Not only will there be spiritual warfare if you are a threat to Satan, but I think so many times God allows impossible situations to happen so that He gets the glory when things are worked out. He makes it humanly impossible, so we know it was only by His will and power that things turned around. Hard times of trusting develops our faith, and we can recall how God was faithful when we go through another hard situation.</div>
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So often, we put God is a box. We ask for what we expect is humanly possible, rather than relying on the supernatural truth that God can do above all we ask or think. His plans are much bigger than ours- so big, in fact, that Him showing up and opening doors are the only way that those plans will manifest. It's important that we stay God-reliant instead of self-reliant.</div>
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Extra mats</div>
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And that is just what PGM did. God transformed their ministry into something much bigger than they could have ever dreamed, because they relied on Him and Him alone. The faith of this ministry is astounding, and I can only hope to be as faithful to what God has called me to do as they are- to be able to have blind faith even when I can't see anything happening. To take God out of the box, and let him do what He WANTS to do- not limiting Him to what we believe is possible.</div>
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A map of all the other countries besides North America where "Unshackled" is aired.</div>
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Some of the awards that PGM has received.</div>
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Radio equipment from when "Unshackled" first started airing.</div>
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The "Unshackled" office.</div>
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Good motto!</div>
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Our crew, getting ready to view a live taping of "Unshackled".</div>
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The atmosphere was absolutely amazing. To have thousands of drug addicts and homeless people crying out to the Lord in worship service really affected my heart. It reminded my husband and I where we came from. We were saved in a ministry very similar to this, but on a much smaller scale- Milwaukee Victory Church. It is there where we met God, and He turned our lives around. Being back in that environment made me call to remembrance all of the wonderful, miraculous things that God has done in our lives- and will do in the lives of the addicts we are trying to help.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqcMYk2XrrzOpKo3uePFWihMopeZKm0NIne_qCVP2TB-UT6uwAxrtKTrM-p2M1fGUZ1lgTBCAHckEpsPfuj5qs0thEtcXCKUZ5Xp3LiMmXHmTNc3S1c3oaHsNQna9MGxTpW23JZbAiyaX7/s1600/PGM30.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqcMYk2XrrzOpKo3uePFWihMopeZKm0NIne_qCVP2TB-UT6uwAxrtKTrM-p2M1fGUZ1lgTBCAHckEpsPfuj5qs0thEtcXCKUZ5Xp3LiMmXHmTNc3S1c3oaHsNQna9MGxTpW23JZbAiyaX7/s320/PGM30.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I am so excited for our recovery homes to open up in Marshfield, so that other addicts can experience the power of God like we have, and like we did this weekend. There is something amazing about being at a church service that isn't full of "good" religious people, but broken sinners who know they need God and cry out for Him to heal them. It is an experience that most people will never have the luck to encounter. This is my husband and I's life, and calling, and it was so refreshing to see that we are not alone in wanting to care for the outcasted. </div>
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The service was filled with testimonies from people who God has restored from addiction. They do three services a day there- one before each meal. That is how people change- through the word of God. That is the only thing that was able to change my husband and I. </div>
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The pastor gave an amazing message. What really blew me away was that it was on 2 Samuel 16. That was the first bible study that I ever wrote, and I have never heard anyone else preach on it. My husband and I looked at each other in shock when the preacher went there, because it's a chapter that we talk about often, yet have never heard anyone else talk about. In reality, it is my life verse for ministry leadership. It's about how King David was attacked, insulted, and slandered by Shimei. He didn't defend himself, however, because he knew that God would defend him. He knew that if he just left it in God's hands, God would bring good out of the persecution he was suffering. When people throw rocks at you, God will bless you to make up for the distress they have caused you. I have seen God do this personally in my life numerous times. We are dealing with something right now where someone who we helped has turned vindictive, just like how David helped Saul only to be attacked by his cousin Shimei. It was the perfect word for me. Keep pressing on- even when people kick you while you are down. God will bring good out of it if you let him. I felt like the message was directed at me, and left in awe.</div>
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"Unshackled" getting ready to be recorded. </div>
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This lady had the most amazing voice!</div>
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Our friends Ed and Nancy outside of PGM.</div>
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The basement where the donations are kept.</div>
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God has spoken so clearly to us through this trip that if we allow Him to build it, He will do great things. No matter how overwhelming ministry can get at times, God has the power to give us perseverance, and provide our every need. His plans are good, and we only need to be obedient and have faith in what He is doing- even when we can't see the end result. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjciX7shCGacmXGs1tMO5uR3bMPPshhTuiMHpeKOS07RjmWr44ezg4RKZCj-oIxipiwQCqPvtdQkFbeQSJ1jORFvBmZjssdRFUAwibY52n-J8ZYv7qiU2LCfjFRxOxtpwZeAUhI23QA1H_U/s1600/PGM37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjciX7shCGacmXGs1tMO5uR3bMPPshhTuiMHpeKOS07RjmWr44ezg4RKZCj-oIxipiwQCqPvtdQkFbeQSJ1jORFvBmZjssdRFUAwibY52n-J8ZYv7qiU2LCfjFRxOxtpwZeAUhI23QA1H_U/s320/PGM37.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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More awards for this amazing ministry. One really cool thing that we found out during the tour is that Mr. T comes in and preaches every few months. How amazing is that?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc1ZKzvQABGPt8AU10-srj_4WIrukAp9xHzsDTtG9PkRJ8FfiSe6FukrgVwUvN5Z2fMWMDUQa51FWhMZo6RXNHWW_NjGqmh5FyTfFeiRQ0538kyqySJveK4MDPhIubReKPOJJy6vv5qYpx/s1600/PGM38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc1ZKzvQABGPt8AU10-srj_4WIrukAp9xHzsDTtG9PkRJ8FfiSe6FukrgVwUvN5Z2fMWMDUQa51FWhMZo6RXNHWW_NjGqmh5FyTfFeiRQ0538kyqySJveK4MDPhIubReKPOJJy6vv5qYpx/s320/PGM38.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The dorms</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3p42uJIjWtLswJR_CMPa085ls4OoHSGY2NGT7c6p3qyw-zZt52J6DAYMgn1fBhHGiS0IA7KsomML68uHzbHp5Msizoy_6AhZlpOWRjOXsj-aZQh0PtZwl7_9EOqBjOMu9uTBr0iQgEHnc/s1600/PGM39.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3p42uJIjWtLswJR_CMPa085ls4OoHSGY2NGT7c6p3qyw-zZt52J6DAYMgn1fBhHGiS0IA7KsomML68uHzbHp5Msizoy_6AhZlpOWRjOXsj-aZQh0PtZwl7_9EOqBjOMu9uTBr0iQgEHnc/s320/PGM39.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Our group</div>
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My husband and I.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWRZK9c5UJGUaRpx4ZbZnSKVl9nowCes_ZYrz8MyHHVWQYGN_gnImW5hkrIMIS60epU7d2D2DB-Siya8bIMeeH7DXYz6y3E-Jex1VIw3GuMA6KtLz7uF3EYkwQi5T1ayGwvadzpsQ2090k/s1600/PGM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWRZK9c5UJGUaRpx4ZbZnSKVl9nowCes_ZYrz8MyHHVWQYGN_gnImW5hkrIMIS60epU7d2D2DB-Siya8bIMeeH7DXYz6y3E-Jex1VIw3GuMA6KtLz7uF3EYkwQi5T1ayGwvadzpsQ2090k/s320/PGM.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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All in all, it was a fabulous trip. It was just what we needed, and our faith in God has grown tremendously. I will recall this trip when we start to get discouraged, tired, or feel like things aren't happening the way we think they should. This trip was a reminder that God is faithful, and that we can do nothing without Him- but He can do everything through us, if wee just believe!</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01672443780257881427noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-80174049780922607512016-05-19T11:54:00.001-05:002016-05-19T12:06:35.224-05:00But if not, He is still good.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4d6ZUCQI29uTuB3GIpw_VIRKKeyqX8YRVSYgA8lqbOvqPoVz8eKUbKkcCbejd-y8PpeaXg_yaFypCZGoyCnB4UQsBIS9r386gfv6lvz0jFSgmWpXC7mNkKsvN0cO9cHjFu4E_JPLww6Y/s1600/butifnot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4d6ZUCQI29uTuB3GIpw_VIRKKeyqX8YRVSYgA8lqbOvqPoVz8eKUbKkcCbejd-y8PpeaXg_yaFypCZGoyCnB4UQsBIS9r386gfv6lvz0jFSgmWpXC7mNkKsvN0cO9cHjFu4E_JPLww6Y/s400/butifnot.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="post_title" style="color: #363636; font-family: "carme"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span>
<span class="post_title" style="color: #363636; font-family: "carme"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><i><b>Daniel 3:</b></i></span><br />
<span class="post_title" style="color: #363636; font-family: "carme"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><span class="text Dan-3-16" id="en-NIV-21824"><sup class="versenum"><span style="color: black;"><i><b>16 </b></i></span></sup><span style="color: black;"><i><b>Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-21824V" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-21824V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup> replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.</b></i></span></span><span style="color: black;"><i><b> </b></i></span><span class="text Dan-3-17" id="en-NIV-21825"><sup class="versenum"><span style="color: black;"><i><b>17 </b></i></span></sup><span style="color: black;"><i><b>If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-21825W" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-21825W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup> us from it, and he will deliver<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-21825X" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-21825X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup> us</b></i></span><sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NIV-21825c" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NIV-21825c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]"><span style="color: black;"><i><b>[</b></i></span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+3#fen-NIV-21825c" title="See footnote c"><i><b>c</b></i></a><span style="color: black;"><i><b>]</b></i></span></sup><span style="color: black;"><i><b> from Your Majesty’s hand.</b></i></span></span><span style="color: black;"><i><b> </b></i></span><span class="text Dan-3-18" id="en-NIV-21826"><sup class="versenum"><span style="color: black;"><i><b>18 </b></i></span></sup><span style="color: black;"><i><b>But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-21826Y" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-21826Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup>”</b></i></span></span></span><br />
<span class="post_title" style="color: #363636; font-family: "carme"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><span class="text Dan-3-18"><b><i><span style="color: black;"></span></i></b></span><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br /></span>
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I love this passage because I believe it shows where our hearts should be.</div>
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Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were about to be thrown into a furnace to burn to death. If it were me, I'd probably be in a state of fear, panic and tears. I'd most likely be incapable of functioning, and begging God to get me out of the situation...</div>
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But instead of panicking and begging, these men had the utmost confidence in God. They knew that if it was God's purpose, He would deliver them and save them from this mess. They trusted him to do so - but their faith didn't stop there! These men also trusted God enough to say, "even if He doesn't save us from this, we will still serve him." They knew that their God was right and holy, and if He chose to leave them in the situation, they trusted that He knew what he was doing. Their trust in Him was not conditional.</div>
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How often is our trust in God conditional?</div>
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How often do we think "God, if you don't get me out of this, you must hate me..."<br />
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How often do we push God away when pain comes into our lives?<br />
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How often do we panic when financial difficulties come, believing the lie that He won't- or can't- make a way for provision?<br />
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How often, when things are going on in our lives, is our first reaction to believe that God doesn't care, that He doesn't see, that He won't take care of us?<br />
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I know I do, and I'm sure I'm not the only one!</div>
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<b><i>Exodus 14:12: It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"</i></b><br />
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<span class="p"></span><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>This verse in Exodus is where the Israelites have given into fear, and believe the lie that God is going to leave them in the desert to die. Even after seeing all of His miracles, his provision, His rescuing them from Pharaoh, parting the red sea- they panicked over something as silly as food. <br />
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So many times when we read about the Israelites, our reaction is "what is wrong with those people? How could they NOT TRUST GOD after seeing all that He had done?"<br />
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But if we really look at it, we do the same thing. I know that I act like the Israelites more often than I would like to admit. I have seen the miracles. I have seen the provision. I have seen God show up and show out when I saw no way. Yet, many times, when things go wrong, my first reaction is to panic instead of trusting God. <br />
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When my husband and I left Milwaukee to come to Marshfield, we had nothing. We had no idea how we were going to survive, get furniture, feed ourselves, get a vehicle. But God made a way, and just a few short years later, we have everything we need and more than we could have ever dreamed. There was a time when, early in our marriage, my husband got laid off from work. I was pregnant, and we had no idea how we were going to pay the bills. Our first reaction was to panic and scramble to plan what we were going to do to fix the situation. We were planning on leaving and going back to Milwaukee. <br />
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Then I opened the mail one day. Inside was a $3,000 check from my school, for a grant that they were supposed to have given me months earlier, but for some reason they hadn't. We took it as a sign that God was telling us to stay right where we are, and that He would take care of us. And He did.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDCn-d-mKq7JYoTEHQNrevrYHt37PLw0YpvfiheHaCVe9LURFHXMuOTFC_5rUyVidrKr83NjmhT2AqHZL3PJy3yHG61q0s9eAN9EMgQrZSMyzQdmidcfdeAQ1PD4KUGOcdEAdqaUIKmqs/s1600/figureout.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDCn-d-mKq7JYoTEHQNrevrYHt37PLw0YpvfiheHaCVe9LURFHXMuOTFC_5rUyVidrKr83NjmhT2AqHZL3PJy3yHG61q0s9eAN9EMgQrZSMyzQdmidcfdeAQ1PD4KUGOcdEAdqaUIKmqs/s320/figureout.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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We are in a situation now where we are badly in need of another vehicle so we can continue to do our ministry work. We have an opportunity this weekend to purchase a car at a very good price, yet we have no idea where the money will come from. I am doing my best to not be an Israelite and panic. To try and figure out a way on my own. To not let myself get in the mindset that if God doesn't provide a way for us to buy it, He doesn't care. </div>
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The thing is, God is always good. Always. He is perfect, so all that He does is perfect, regardless of what we think.<br />
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If we can't get this vehicle, I have to trust that it wasn't meant for us, and that God has something better. I have to trust that if it's meant to be, He will provide. I have to trust that if not, He is still good. <br />
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I can't let myself become an Israelite through this situation. I know God's character. I know He is good. I know He cares. I know He provides what we need, not necessarily what we want. Having an Israelite mentality only pushes us away from God, and wrecks our faith. I look back on my life and all of the ways He has protected, provided, and set divine appointments for us to meet the people we needed to meet, and I can see His hand in all of it, unfolding His plan. God stays the same, and He will continue to have a good plan for my life, no matter what the circumstances look like.</div>
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If God had left Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo in the flames and let them die, He would still be holy, He would still be right, and He would still be good!</div>
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In the same way, if my countless prayers for protection for my family had not been answered, God would still be good. If my friends all abandoned me, my husband was taken away, and I lost all I had, God would still be good. If we aren't able to get a vehicle for awhile, He is still good, and He will always make a way.<br />
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His plans are always good, even if they don't look like we think they should. I really believe that a lot of times when our circumstances are dire, God will use them to show His power in them. He will make a way that could ONLY be made by Him. He will show Himself strong, and people will know that He is real. Our faith will also be strengthened, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that it was God who turned the situation around. We can recall these moments in future situations when our instincts are to panic, and remember His faithfulness- and that He will be faithful again. </div>
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Thank God that He gives us even more than we need! I am so thankful for my wonderful, my wonderful little boys, and all of my family. I am thankful for my friends, our church family, our ministry, and everything that He has given. </div>
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But if He took that all away or never blessed me again, He is still good. And I should still praise Him!<br />
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In Job 10:2, after his wife tells him to curse God and die because of all the hardship and loss they are experiencing, Job answers:" Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” I opened my bible up to that verse the other day, totally by accident. What an eye opening verse.<br />
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Job's reaction was totally opposite of the Israelite's. It reminded me to remember that God is God, and that sometimes hardships are a part of His plan. Who am I to question Him? We have to trust that God is good when things are going really real for us, and also when things (from our perspective) are going totally wrong. He has a plan in all of it. <i><b><br /></b></i></div>
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<i><b>Job 23: 10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.</b></i><br />
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God promises to use all of the tests, trials, and desperate situations in our lives for good (Romans 8:28). He is refining us through them. He is burning off the junk that we carry like fear, anxiety, pride, and doubt. We just have to hold onto His promises, and trust that He is still good and still God, even in the furnace or desert, and that we will come out better and stronger on the other side as long as we hold onto Him.<br />
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God, give me the strength to not be an Israelite today. Amen.</div>
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<span class="post_title" style="color: #363636; font-family: "carme"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-64858577925729007722016-05-16T10:04:00.004-05:002016-05-19T11:56:36.898-05:00Photos from the second annual CROSSroads To Recovery tattoo fundraiser at New Life Ink!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This past Saturday, we had our second annual tattoo benefit for CROSSroads to Recovery. We had an absoluely fabulous time. We would like to thank New Life Ink in Schofield and the AMAZING artists that work there for their generosity in holding this benefit. We would also like to thank everyone for coming out. There was an AMAZING show of support. God bless all of you for sowing into a great cause- and helping drug addicts find healing from addiction through the power of Jesus Christ!</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01672443780257881427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-21945251002362845542016-05-07T23:04:00.003-05:002016-05-07T23:46:00.921-05:00Falling apart or falling into place?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The past month has been a trying and emotional for our ministry and our family. We have been getting spiritually attacked like crazy. The warfare is intense. We expect it due to being in a front line ministry where souls are being saved and literally crossing over from darkness to light- but it is not fun to go through, especially when you are being relentlessly bombarded to the point that you feel like you can't even come up for air. When there is no breathing room, no time to catch your footing. No time to rest and recuperate and prepare for the next battle. </div>
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My husband and I have had a lot of attacks in our personal lives. Attacks involving our relationships, our health, our lives, our property, our children, our friends, our hope, our determination, our beliefs. Attacks that have tried to make us question the future, question if what we are doing is worth it, question why God is allowing everything to seemingly crumble around us when we know we are walking in his will. The past month we have felt very much like Job at some points. Job, who in the bible, lost everything due to Satan's attacks. His wife, his children, his health, his home, his land- everything. </div>
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I, personally, have spent a lot of time the past month questioning why it is that we are burning ourselves out trying to help people while others are content to just sit back and watch them die. There are SO many hurting and broken addicts in our community who desperately need God's love. People know that there is a problem. The churches know that there is a problem. Yet, every day I watch as another addict ignored, overlooked, or forgotten about by Christians. Addicts who Jesus loves and is desperate to save are given a back seat on the priority list of Christians who are so wrapped up in their bible studies( with the same people who have been going to them for fifteen years), youth group outings, PTA meetings, kids soccer games, and coffee dates with friends. People are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't be bothered to notice that there are people literally dying right in front of them. The great commission is in front of their faces, yet they have better things to do. Saving the kiss and saving the whales and vying for gmo free food are all worthy causes, but if you are looking past the broken soul right in front of you to focus on it, there is a problem.</div>
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Now, don't get me wrong. PTA meetings and youth groups and bible studies and all that are wonderful. They are all great things. I am not trying to put down any of it. I am just coming from a place of desperation, a place of loneliness, where sometimes it seems as if we are the only ones that are fighting for these people. The only ones that don't have better things to do. The only ones that don't have an option of making them an option. God won't allow us to, and sometimes it gets overwhelming and very, very discouraging when it seems like no one else cares. It is hard for my heart to wrap around the fact that there are people who don't see souls as a priority in the way that we do. I just want to scream from the top of my lungs for people to wake up. Don't you realize that these souls matter? That your bible study can wait, but they could very well be dead tomorrow? That God has put them in front of your face for a reason- and it's not so you can pretend they aren't there? That they are not meant to be an afterthought- and maybe you will think about praying for them after you are done with all of your PTA meetings, youth group outings, and coffee dates- if you remember? <br />
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I am not trying to bash the church. In fact, I absolutely adore my church, and most people have been very welcoming of the addiction ministry that we run. I am just frustrated for the people that we minister to. I know the hurt and pain and rejection of feeling that no one cares, and that you're not worth their time. My heart breaks for them, because I was there at a point in my life, and I know how it hurts. The fact is that as Christians, we should be the FIRST people offering to help addicts. They should be able to see and feel the love of Jesus in us. They should feel accepted in a way that they have never been in society, because Christians are supposed to be different and demonstrate the unconditional love of God. We are supposed to love the out casted and the broken. These people have spent their entire lives being treated as if they don't matter. As if they should just die off. That they aren't important and no one cares about them. That their lives are no more important than a PTA meeting. The love of God is the ONLY thing that will ever be able to change that. And until they get to know God for themselves, we need to be His hands and feet that bring that love to them. You see, as Christians, we are supposed to live our lives as living sacrifices- for God and for others. Our own wants and needs should not be on the top of our priority lists. If every Christian could lay their lives down for others, we wouldn't have so many lost and broken people in the world. <br />
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My husband and I make that the goal of our ministry. To love addicts even if they are still using and even if they are hard to love. To show them that Jesus loves them no matter where they are or what they have been doing. That they are a priority to Him. That they matter. But, sometimes we get tired. Really tired. We take on so much, and when we have a month like we just had, it takes everything within us to keep going. Sometimes when the spiritual warfare gets so intense and we look around and see that we are fighting alone with no backup, we want to quit. Sometimes we get so emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained that we do quit. For about a day- then when a need arises and someone needs help and we see that no one else is stepping into fill it, we come our of our 15 hour retirement, and push aside the rest we desperately need. We just cannot sit back and watch people hurting and not take action- God compels us to. Sometimes we wish we had people to help us carry the load. People to stand beside us, to pray for us, to offer encouragement, to be our friends. People to show the addicts that they care, too. Everyone can't do addiction ministry, but everyone can do something to help. Even if it's just acknowledging them on Sunday morning, even if they are stumbling down the aisle high. Heck, invite an addict with you to your PTA meetings and bible studies. Show them that they matter. Show them Jesus. <br />
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Because we can't do it all. There are so many addicts- and they have so many needs- and we are only two people. And sometimes when we are getting pummeled by life, we need someone to help lift us up, so we can continue lifting up others. We need people to care about the hurting and broken people in front of them, and offer to show love to them when we can't. When we are empty and need to pull back and be filled by God, we need to know that there is someone there willing to take over showing the love of Christ to these people. We can't operate under the assumption that we will do it later- when the PTA meetings are done with, when youth group is over, when the soccer season is done. Because for many of these addicts, by that time, it will be too late.</div>
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What makes all of this so much harder in the Job times is that SO many times we have given our all to people, just to have them drift away from God or back into addiction in the end. We spend months and years pouring our hearts into addicts, taking them under our wings, praying for them, becoming friends with them, helping them in any way we can, making them part of our family, giving up our lives for the sake of theirs- and many times they end up throwing it all away. </div>
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That is just par for the course for this ministry. The nature of addiction is wicked. Satan does not let people go easily. He fights tooth and nail to get their souls back, and sometimes he wins. It is so hard to see someone you love go back to their addiction. Someone you had hopes for. Someone who you thought finally may have gotten it. Someone who has tasted the goodness of God, and knows He is real, yet choose to go back to the destructive life the enemy has for them. It is easier to get an unbelieving addict to give God a chance and for them to turn away from drugs than it is to get back someone who has been freed and healed of their addiction by God and then willing go back to it. Because at that point, they are ignoring the voice and conviction of God, and that is dangerous territory. If they ignore it long enough, pretty soon they will not be able to hear it anymore. An addict who decides to give their life to Christ does so in search of the truth, and He is compassionate to have grace and mercy for them and their ignorance before they knew the truth. An addict that goes back to addiction after knowing Christ already knows the truth, and are just choosing to ignore it. Once you start doing that, it becomes easier and easier to ignore the truth, until you finally end up so caught up in the enemy's deception that you are as far away from God as you were before you got saved.</div>
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Many times we know it's coming. We can see if from a mile away, and God will begin to show us that people are starting to pull away from Him. However, that never makes it any easier. You still feel blindsided. You still wonder what else you could have done. You still wonder what would have happened if someone besides you were trying to help them. We are fools for hope, and we were taught to NEVER give up on anyone, because you never know when God will work with someone. But, when people start to drift away from sobriety and God, many times we have to back away from them not only for the safety of our own sobriety, but in order for them to fall and hit a bottom that makes them desperate enough to turn back and surrender to God. And that is a hard, HARD thing to do when you care about someone. </div>
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It is ALWAYS hard when that happens. It's hard to watch, because we know what the end result will be, but Satan has so blinded their minds that they will no longer here the truth. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. But it's even harder when we are going through a Job season, and it seems like everything else is crumbling around us. When our world seems to be falling apart, and no one is noticing. When the devil whispers to us to curse God and die.</div>
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But it is during these times when we have to fix our eyes on Jesus all the more. When we need to focus on things above, not on earthly things. When we need to rest in the fact that God knows what He is doing, and that somehow he will use all of this to work for our good. That He will send people to help, that he cares about the people that we are fighting for, and that we are not in this alone. He is right there with us. and He has it all under control, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment. We need to focus on the fact that God has indeed blessed us with amazing friends and an amazing church family, and that He is positioning things in our favor. That as long as we are obedient to what He is telling us to do, He will fight for us, if we will only be still. </div>
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Circumstances will make you give up if you focus on them. That's what the Devil wants us to do- to focus on everything that is going wrong and doubt God's goodness and sovereignty. We can't save anybody. No one can save anyone but God alone. The devil wants me to look at the fact that it seems like no one cares, as if hope should rest in people. It doesn't. And I need to remember that. </div>
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The thing is, the story of Job seems really depressing and hopeless- until you get to the end. God made everything right- in fact, he made it better than before Job went through everything he went through. I have seen God do it numerous times in my own life, and the lives of others. He will never fail, and He will never leave of abandon us. He won't leave and abandon the addicts that are dying. If the people who he places them in front of won't help, He will send someone who will. He can soften hearts and redeem and restore all things. He has this under control. And when we come out the other side, we will be refined as gold- as long as we don't let the circumstances discourage us. <br />
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I do know, that God will always give us enough encouragement to keep us going, even when we want to give up. I was feeling down about people in our ministry drifting away, relapsing, and going to jail. Then this Sunday I turned around and behind me in church was the first woman who ever walked into CROSSroads. I hadn't seen her in about six months, and I cried tears of joy when I turned around and saw her face. The next day, another one of our girls that had been in jail for months got released, and she is doing better than ever. He let me know that even if sometimes it feels like we aren't making a difference, we are. Even if no one is helping us, God is fighting for us- and that's all we need. Even if it is ONE soul that meets Jesus because we reached out to them- that is enough, and it makes it all worth it. None of it is wasted. Sharing Jesus with people is never a waste, and he will take the seeds that were planted and do the miraculous with them- even if we don't see it right away. That's why we don't quit. That's why we can't quit. Because even one addict's life matters to God.<br />
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There is a Casting Crown's song that says "your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place, I'm on the throne, stop holding on, and just be held". What looks like things falling apart to us is usually God rearranging things to how they should be for his purposes, but many times we can only see that He was working all along in retrospect. My prayer is that God grants me the strength to live out that belief, even in my Job moments.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-28207596534337032702016-04-06T15:18:00.001-05:002016-04-06T16:19:35.776-05:00We used to sit where you are sitting now.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband and I being prayed over and anointed by the Pastors.</td></tr>
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This weekend, my husband and I went back to our home church, which is comprised of restoration homes for drug addicts. This is the church that saved both of our lives years ago. The church where we were given freedom from our addictions. The church where we met Jesus. The church where our lives changed forever. The church where we were blessed beyond our wildest dreams. The church where we learned how to love God, ourselves, and others. The church where we learned to fight spiritual warfare.The church where we met each other. The church where we commissioned, appointed, and anointed. The church that, spiritually, will always be home. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband praying over a brother in the home</td></tr>
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We were asked to speak at a discipleship class they had on Saturday, and my husband was asked to preach the message on Sunday. We make trips to our former church often- usually at least once every six weeks- to visit. However, this weekend was especially astounding and amazing. The spirit of God was moving in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. Sometimes in the hum drum of daily life, our closeness with God can wane, and we can lose our awe of Him. We can turn God into something normal and boring instead of something awe inspiring and supernatural. Our relationship with him can become routine, and we can start to put God in a box. We can stifle His ability to move, because we are too busy with our to-do list in life to allow him the time to do what He desires to do. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me praying over one of our CROSSroads' girls</td></tr>
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Well, He busted out of the box this weekend. We took some of our friends and ministry partners down with us this weekend for the discipleship class on Saturday and the service on Sunday. Something told us that something BIG was going to happen this weekend, and that we needed to invite others down. It was so amazing to watch our friends experience the powerful presence of God that is unique to an outreach ministry this weekend. When you have dozens of hurting, broken addicts crying out to God to restore them, asking for forgiveness, singing praises from the heart instead of from a hymn book, and allowing their bondages to be broken, God shows up in a way that is indescribable- and different from anything they have ever experienced in "normal" churches.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Altar call</td></tr>
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You see, there is no spirit of religion here. The people at this church either are or were so broken, so desperate, so hungry for God- that they could never, EVER make the mistake of believing that they are good enough on their own. That showing up to church on Sunday is enough. That all that needs to be done in a Christian life is to show up to church once a week, and go to the same bible study with the same group of church ladies for fifteen years. That they have it together, and God can serve as an afterthought. They are not "weekend warrior" Christians. They are reminded every day that their life literally depends on God, and walking away from him can mean death. They are totally and utterly dependent on him, and know that He must saturate their every thought and action if they are going to be able to live without going back to drugs. Taking God for granted for even a minute can mean the difference between being sober and being an addict again. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Deliverance service</td></tr>
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When you get a group of people like that together with a moving message and the presence of the Holy Spirit, amazing things happen. Powerful things. Things that I can't even begin to describe. The presence of God was so powerful this weekend, that I was crying through a good portion of it. People were being slain in the spirit, repenting, praying for each other, speaking in tongues, praising. What was supposed to be a two hour service on Saturday turned into a six hour service courtesy of Pastor Clay being moved by the spirit, and what was meant to be a two hour service on Sunday turned into a four hour deliverance service after the message. There were no time limits, rules, or itinerary. God was allowed to move in the way that He wanted to, and He did not disappoint.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Us praying as a couple</td></tr>
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This weekend revitalized me in so many ways. So many times we can get so busy doing ministry, that we forget to spend time with God. So many times we can get confused that doing ministry and talking to God is the same thing. It' s not. We can start to base our relationship with God on what we are doing for him- like the Pharisees. Our relationship with God needs to be our FIRST priority in life- above our ministries, above our marriages, above our children. We need to remember that without Him, we are nothing and can do nothing. It was so beautiful to have a head on collision with my first love this weekend. To remember what caused me to fall so passionately in love with him in the first place. To remember where He found me, how He picked me up, and how He has redeemed my life. To be reminded of the awe and wonder I had for God when I first got saved, and He was first beginning to revealing himself to me. How I sought Him with all my heart, mind, and soul. He revealed himself in the same powerful way this weekend.</div>
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This weekend was also a reminder to us why we do what we do. Ministry can get very discouraging and very tiring. You sacrifice so much of yourself to help people- your time, your money, your heart- just to see many fail. You spend months praying and interceding and advising, just to have someone throw it all away and go back to drugs. You spend time running around, picking them up, and driving them to church services and meetings, just to have them quit in the end. You come to deeply love these people, you grow so close to them and get your hopes up that they will finally "get it" this time, just to have them turn away from you, or slander you, or accuse you of things. So many times you come to the brink of wanting to quit- of asking what the point is. You can begin to wonder if you are doing any good at all, and question why God is having you do it at all.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The prayer team laying on hands</td></tr>
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This weekend reminded us what the point is. For others to be able to experience what we have-freedom from addiction and a head on collision with God- is worth every sacrifice. For even ONE person to be able to experience God the way that we have, makes it ALL worth it. I don't want anyone to miss out on God changing their lives, and if I can be a messenger of hope, that is what I will do. I think about everything He has done for me, and what He wants to do for others. I think about where we were when God found my husband and I ( sitting in the EXACT same seats as the people we were preaching to this weekend), and how far he has brought us. He has healed and redeemed everything in our lives, and blessed us in unimaginable ways. I know he wants to do the same for others, and it is our duty to let them know that. In fact, as I write this, my husband celebrates 13 years TO THE DAY that he first walked into Milwaukee Victory Church, came to know Jesus Christ, and has been free from drugs. Thirteen years of depending on God, and being an inspiration to those who are sitting in the seats he sat in. The power of that testimony is something that can touch even the coldest hearts.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slain in the spirit</td></tr>
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I hate the fact that we don't have this kind of experience in Marshfield. God is so boxed in, and addiction still has a stigma to it. But's it's coming. Hard core drug addicts that have been saved by Christ's power and grace are going to be where the next revival comes from. Not just in Marshfield and Milwaukee- but in the whole country. Those who are forgiven much love much, and drug addicts have been forgiven of SO much that they can't help but be grateful to God for it and want to tell others about the good news. When you have transitioned LITERALLY from the dark side of hell into the light and goodness of Christ, your transformation speaks volumes to those around you. Your testimony shares the true hope and power of Christ. Your testimony changes lives, and inspires others to share theirs and what God has done for them. That's how fires get started!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhASFyD8EaGyJ5LVtQVF4iX0dlha6Psu5qw1HN2bbKO8u2q4RCns_Ht6zt23lsdGGvc4rnelfywBI2FqgFamQiD_LwoRlQCvLIAYdYX7dXhWWt2LVA24jguDM-HwoAeFdy2EFRgV-X4NhQ/s1600/Victory12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhASFyD8EaGyJ5LVtQVF4iX0dlha6Psu5qw1HN2bbKO8u2q4RCns_Ht6zt23lsdGGvc4rnelfywBI2FqgFamQiD_LwoRlQCvLIAYdYX7dXhWWt2LVA24jguDM-HwoAeFdy2EFRgV-X4NhQ/s320/Victory12.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Victory Church Pastors and ministers- Howard, Les, Ben and Clay.</td></tr>
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My husband and I were incredibly blessed to be able to do just that this weekend. We spoke to those sitting in the same seats in the restoration homes that we sat in ourselves for so many years. Those who are hurting so desperately that they have finally surrendered to God. We came back to share the message that we have been where they are, and that there is hope. That God has a plan for their lives, and they are not there by accident. That if they will just stick it out and allow God to work on them, he will transform their lives into ones that are unrecognizable from the one that they had in their addiction. If he did it for us, he will do it for them- and my husband and I were some of the worst of the worst. When you have been the "worst of the worst", you give others who are "the worst of the worst" hope that God can change them too. I remember when I was younger, that many Pastors tried to tell me that Jesus forgave me. I never took them seriously, because I thought "sure, he can forgive YOU, because you probably haven't had so much as a speeding ticket in your life. But what about ME and what I have done? SURELY he can't forgive THAT."</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband and Pastor Clay- the speakers for the weekend.</td></tr>
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However, when I walked into Milwaukee Victory Church in 2008, I was met by a Pastor (Pastor Cano) who told me that God forgave me. The pastor himself had been a heroin addict for over two decades, a leader of the Latin Kings in Chicago, a criminal. Hearing HIM say it, and witnessing how God had transformed his life, gave me hope for the first time that maybe God really could love me like he had loved him. He was a lowly drug addict before Christ as well, yet God had blessed his life miraculously and done wonderful things through it. To hear someone with a similar past as mine being wanted by God was a novelty. THAT was the first time I ever thought maybe God would give me a chance. That is the first time I ever gave God a chance. That is why my husband share our stories- so others realize that God will give them a chance as well.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj59QaMRThZkLd_7_Hf0e4BMKfDa6XeQfdk8M_KPnqTKIDVE83yGY5g86YPOivjYqOfBaLxJjYx6mZ_3SjIhdjYJeMq2ZjUzHnTIP4V0asqk6bRq0IoqRdWb5COH7ym9oDSAkKE1-1NT3k/s1600/Victory14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj59QaMRThZkLd_7_Hf0e4BMKfDa6XeQfdk8M_KPnqTKIDVE83yGY5g86YPOivjYqOfBaLxJjYx6mZ_3SjIhdjYJeMq2ZjUzHnTIP4V0asqk6bRq0IoqRdWb5COH7ym9oDSAkKE1-1NT3k/s320/Victory14.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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My husband preaching</div>
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1 Timothy Chapter 1:</div>
<span class="text 1Tim-1-12"><sup class="versenum"></sup></span><br />
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<span class="text 1Tim-1-12"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29709W" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29709W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup> that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29709X" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29709X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text 1Tim-1-13" id="en-NIV-29710"><sup class="versenum">13 </sup>Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29710Y" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29710Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup> and a violent man, I was shown mercy<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29710Z" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29710Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup> because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29710AA" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29710AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text 1Tim-1-14" id="en-NIV-29711"><sup class="versenum">14 </sup>The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly,<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29711AB" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29711AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup> along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29711AC" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29711AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)"></sup></span></div>
<span class="text 1Tim-1-15" id="en-NIV-29712"><sup class="versenum">15 </sup>Here is a trustworthy saying<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29712AD" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29712AD" title="See cross-reference AD">AD</a>)"></sup> that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29712AE" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29712AE" title="See cross-reference AE">AE</a>)"></sup>—of whom I am the worst.</span> <span class="text 1Tim-1-16" id="en-NIV-29713"><sup class="versenum">16 </sup>But for that very reason I was shown mercy<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29713AF" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29713AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)"></sup> so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29713AG" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29713AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup> as an example for those who would believe<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29713AH" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29713AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></sup> in him and receive eternal life.<sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29713AI" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29713AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0bVHR0_7LvNnCXTMa6G1435y6SEzz3imyqOeH8xy19-6JsTpxnicBXfVzuLY_3ahGlQFc8URl1Ba9Fg_szMxEGt-rk59LJ2NMIb1L2gU8O8rgh8DQF0n3-RmbfmkpOwoHaZlp7wX1Rvs/s1600/Victory15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0bVHR0_7LvNnCXTMa6G1435y6SEzz3imyqOeH8xy19-6JsTpxnicBXfVzuLY_3ahGlQFc8URl1Ba9Fg_szMxEGt-rk59LJ2NMIb1L2gU8O8rgh8DQF0n3-RmbfmkpOwoHaZlp7wX1Rvs/s320/Victory15.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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God will use the most horrible pasts to speak to people. God wants to let people know that your good works, your good deeds, being a "good person" won't save you. ONLY giving your life completely to Him can do that. A former addict, gang banger, and prostitute who has surrendered to God will have far more of a blessed life than a "good person" who isn't sold out for God can ever try- or dream- to. Jesus longs to have a relationship with each and every one of us- good person or not. Come as you are, and he will transform you into what he intended for you to be. THAT is what needs to be preached. That is what we preach. I think so many times churches do a huge disservice to the unsaved by acting like they have it all together. Acting perfect. Judging. Not talking about their struggles and issues. It gives people the impression that they have to have it all together and not have struggles and sin in order to come to church or to be accepted by God. They can't relate. When you put on a front of being a perfect Christian, the heroin addict with a needle hanging out of their arm who just robbed a gas station can't relate to you, or to the God that you preach.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTIMLVcxEQAbOy0g07BxIuJ9MwAJSW2nz3QKRI7eEZcIalHL8ip6k0F-hpfBy9-D9bEq7zZrpUvGzjMzrwUnIdxIH8y1NNUCho3uQxZEkbzQhWTLpJwMtSdKtEceyGg-QCOt4R8uAQMDs/s1600/Victory16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTIMLVcxEQAbOy0g07BxIuJ9MwAJSW2nz3QKRI7eEZcIalHL8ip6k0F-hpfBy9-D9bEq7zZrpUvGzjMzrwUnIdxIH8y1NNUCho3uQxZEkbzQhWTLpJwMtSdKtEceyGg-QCOt4R8uAQMDs/s320/Victory16.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Look in the Bible. Who did Jesus choose as his disciples? They were murderers, tax collectors, prostitutes- broken people. He didn't go into the synagogues and choose the religious scholars or the people who kept all of the laws. The people who put on a front of perfection. Have you ever wondered WHY? Why did God himself choose a rag tag gang of misfits that were outcasted by society for their sin, instead of the "good people" with their theology degrees?</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pastor Clay, Pastor Les, and my husband</td></tr>
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It's because that Rag Tag gang of misfits KNEW they were bad. They knew they weren't righteous. They knew that they COULDN'T be righteous on their own. When Christ appeared to them, they hung onto him with all of their might, because they knew it was only by his power that they could ever be made right with God. The religious scholars and Pharisees felt that they already were right with God because they were so "good". God can't work with people who won't rely on Him because they are too busy relying on themselves. Not only that, but the religious Pharisees lacked love. They judged. They acted why God was hanging out with THOSE people. They thought of themselves higher than others. The rag tag gang thought humbly of themselves, because they knew what they had been before Christ. They had compassion and empathy for sinners, because they had been there themselves. They loved the lost, because they had been the lost. They didn't expect perfection, but they knew Jesus alone could perfect.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband and I speaking to the congregation</td></tr>
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1 Corinthians 1:27 says "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." It's not the religious scholars, the "good" people of the world, or the morally superior (the people who are "strong") that God is going to use, but the weak things- addicts, liars, cheaters, murderers, the lost- people that "religious" people look down on, to show the "wise" of the world that they are nothing without Jesus. An addict who has given their life to Christ and is on fire for God can do more than a dead religious person ever will. God is speaking- he wants people to recognize that sitting in church does you know good if your life isn't being transformed, and you're not teaching others about Christ so theirs can be transformed as well. We are the foolish- the unlikely, the undeserving, the ones that were counted out. The ones no one would choose to do God's work. Yet, GOD chose us- to speak to those who have also been counted out, judged, and cast aside. The ones who aren't perfect. The ones that can only relate to people who admit that they are- and have never been- perfect either.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_lz-jiTm6Ob_DRmcgq9heXfJ1OGD6D_7FbAmAaj-ZEXRMqzgYpDn1bRfJBXjV-hNALgILTROTTCWC9cSZrLRHmKf1JKUIgOOKP8I84xlv7Ca-Gl6QeOcSQqXUwqJbe_t3fBC1ZLQO9-U/s1600/Victory18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_lz-jiTm6Ob_DRmcgq9heXfJ1OGD6D_7FbAmAaj-ZEXRMqzgYpDn1bRfJBXjV-hNALgILTROTTCWC9cSZrLRHmKf1JKUIgOOKP8I84xlv7Ca-Gl6QeOcSQqXUwqJbe_t3fBC1ZLQO9-U/s320/Victory18.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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To be able to offer hope to those sitting in the homes was such a blessing. I remember when I was in the restoration home, and people who had been there before came back and talked about what God had done in their lives. They were now pastors, spouses, parents, productive members of society, healed. I remember wondering if maybe, just maybe, God could do the same thing for me. They gave me hope to stick it out, and to trust in God. I could relate to them, and I knew that I wasn't being judged, because they had been in the same seat I was sitting in. I am honored and humbled that we have been allowed to do the same for someone else.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband, our good friend Charles, and my mother in law, Lucy</td></tr>
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Sunday, while my husband preached, his mother was sitting in the audience. She had such pride in her eyes as she watched her son- the son that she once thought was lost for good- preach the word of God and offer hope to people who are where he once was. The son that once was dead was alive, and speaking life into others. The son who once stole and lied and cheated was instead teaching the word of God, and using his story to help others with the same pasts. How healing it must have been to see that redemptive power of Christ in her son's life. I have a son, and I can only imagine. I cry just thinking about it. God truly is the restorer, healer, and redeemer of all things. He will use everything that we go through for good- either for us or for someone else (Romans 8:28). </div>
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After Sunday morning service, the leadership (pastors and ministers) of the church went out and enjoyed a fellowship meal at the Olive Garden. I was so blessed to experience such a powerful weekend in God's presence with these awesome men and women of God who have come to know God the same way my husband I and I have. They were broken, lost, addicted, and destitute, and God is using them to do amazing things in the kingdom. I am in awe of God and how His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways. How He took what the devil meant for evil in every one of our lives, and is using it for good- to give hope to those sitting in the same situations we were once in. To show his undisputable power through their changed lives. No one can argue with a testimony. When God changes you from an addict, a thug, a prostitute, a liar, a cheater, an evil person- into a man or woman of God, people KNOW that God is real. There is no other way it's possible. None of us should be alive right now, but God kept us, redeemed us, and transformed us for His kingdom's sake. To speak to the people in the seats where we once sat. To let them know there is hope, and that nothing is to hard for God.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-0vrJPKx-x-9JEY3jFuh8MVSiwokz7WOjRzvk10ckQ4QuxFFg1P_96JvNtvVF2Xyt01F7PbdodvgfGYf3I4J3pCNNu_Daw8LBNllMM2G6RBAzkNhbdRrVcCasXzGPFDLCaO6r9Do0pJI/s1600/victory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-0vrJPKx-x-9JEY3jFuh8MVSiwokz7WOjRzvk10ckQ4QuxFFg1P_96JvNtvVF2Xyt01F7PbdodvgfGYf3I4J3pCNNu_Daw8LBNllMM2G6RBAzkNhbdRrVcCasXzGPFDLCaO6r9Do0pJI/s320/victory.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anointed and commissioned </td></tr>
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When the weekend was over, I didn't want to leave. The presence of God was so intense, no one in their right mind would ever want to leave. It felt so good to be home. To go back to where it all started, and remember what God has done- and is yet to do. To recall how Jesus raised us from the dead, and gave us a new life. But, He has a plan. We are all one body in Christ, and there are big things getting ready to happen in the Kingdom of God. I am just so humbled to be included in it.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-56757847481428042492016-03-17T21:01:00.003-05:002016-03-18T00:38:27.141-05:00One of our biggest success stories - Malissa is a miracle!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is a video of one of our HUGE CROSSROADS' success stories. Malissa walked into CROSSROADS a year and a half ago- and God has totally transformed her life since. Before we met her, she was addicted and lost. One of our CROSSROADS volunteers was sitting in Wood County Drug Court with another one of our girls who was being sentenced on Malissa's first day of drug court. She saw Malissa up in front of the judge, and unbeknownst to Malissa, God put it on her heart to pray for her. She silently prayed that God would reveal himself to Malissa and bring her a support system. She quietly prayed for Malissa in the back of the courtroom, and left without speaking to her. A week later, Malissa walked into CROSSROADS - a divine appointment. She didn't know God, but knew He was real that night she walked into our meeting and the lady who had prayed for her was sitting at the table and let her know she had been in court praying for her a week before. That was the moment that Malissa realized that God was real, and that He had brought her to CROSSROADS through intercessory prayer because he wanted to transform her life. Since then, she has had a total life transformation. She has been drug and alcohol free for a year and a half, got baptized, been mentored under me and my husband, serves on the CROSSROADS leadership team, and now helps others that are in the same situation she was. She is a true example of God's grace, mercy, and redemptive power- a living testimony for all to see. This week, she graduated drug court - and we were all there to cheer her on. We are so proud of her, and looking forward to what God is going to do next in her life. We know that there are many people she is going to touch with her story. We are so grateful and humbled to have been a part of it! God does heal drug addiction - she is living proof! I am proud to call her one of my closest friends!</div>
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Keep going strong, Malissa! God is going to do amazing things through you! We are so blessed to have walked this journey with you! Showing the power of God in your life to others is an incredible testament to how faithful He is, and that he truly will use EVERYTHING that we go for for good- even drug addiction. You are an inspiration to so many people! All it took was faith, surrender to God, and submitting under Godly mentorship- and you have a whole new life- one that I know that you couldn't have imagined a year and a half ago. Your life speaks VOLUMES to others about how to let God transform you, and you are truly a role model for so many people!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-63331986237584616482016-03-17T02:23:00.001-05:002016-03-17T02:41:07.486-05:00Remembering where you came from.<span class="exdous" style="background: rgb(255 , 255 , 255); border: 0px; color: #23221f; display: block; font-family: "open sans" , "arial" , "century gothic" , sans-serif "important"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: auto;"> <b style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-family: open sans, arial, century gothic, sans-serif, important;">'</span><span style="font-family: open sans, arial, century gothic, sans-serif;">You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out of there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm'</span></i></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #23221f; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">The past few months have been crazily busy. Between raising Justin, school (I am in the middle of mid-terms right now- yuck!), ministry, and lots of traveling, things have been hectic. However, there have been a few events over the past few months that I want to memorialize, and just haven't had the time too. I feel it's important, because I feel like God used each and every one of these events to remind me of where He brought me from, and how He has blessed my life in such a short time. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #23221f; font-family: "open sans" , "arial" , "century gothic" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 21px;">At the end of January, I had the honor to be besides one of my best friends as she gave birth to her little girl. Her story reminds me so much of mine. Her daughter reminds me so much of Justin. They are both atonement babies- given by God to redeem the mistakes of the past. The emotions that I felt while staying with her for those 18 hours of labor were overwhelming. Not only because I was honored to be asked to be there as her labor support, and of course birth is beautiful all on its own- but because I remember how blessed and undeserving I felt when I found out I was going to have my "atonement baby". That God blessed and entrusted me with another baby was something that I never thought I would have again- something I never thought I deserved after making a mess of my other children during my drug addiction. When I was sure that I had to live with the consequences of being childless forever after failing my first set of kids- out came this beautiful, bouncing bundle of joy- straight from heaven. To know that God loved me that much- to offer a second chance, to remind me that I am not my past, that nothing is unforgivable, that He can do ALL things- and to let me have another shot at raising this beautiful baby he had given me was so heartbreaking- in the best way. All of those feelings and memories came flooding back in that labor room, and I felt so much of that for my dear friend as she gave birth to her "atonement baby"- her fresh start, her new hope for the future- a living, breathing, sign of her redemption from her past through her savior. God shows his goodness in so many ways- and I am so happy for the experience that she is going on- the same experience I myself started just a few short years ago. She will now, truly, know what unconditional love is. To know that you are that beloved by the creator of the universe, and that God longs to restore you that he will go to any lengths to make that clear is a an experience that very few people get. To know that God thinks you are deserving of another precious child- even if people don't- is the ultimate act of love from our creator. </span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me with the new mommy- and the beautiful, redemptive peanut!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I also went back to my roots- where my life with Jesus began- in February. The outreach addiction church my husband and I met at were having a woman's conference Valentine's Day weekend, so we went to Milwaukee for the weekend to attend it. Usually when we go to Milwaukee for the weekend, we book a suite in a hotel. This weekend, my husband and son stayed in the suite, while I stayed in the women's restoration home with two of our CROSSroads girls from up here. I thought it would be good for them to experience the home- a home very similar to the restoration home that we are going to have in Marshfield soon. To be back to the place where it all began- where I walked in addicted, suicidal, broken and lost, where I found God, where I stayed 4 years as the women's home director and ministered to other lost and hurting, drug addicted women, and finally walked out of as a strong, drug free, confident, Christian woman- was humbling. So many memories of how I fell in love with God there came rushing back. The awe and wonder I experienced as I was first getting to know him while being set free from my addictions is something that can never be replaced. He found me in that restoration home- and did miraculous work in me. Being there that weekend reminded me that I need to get that fire back- to step away from the distractions of life, and have my sole focus on God the same way I did back then. I long for that closeness with Him again- closeness that often gets put on the back burner in everyday life while I'm dealing with school and toddlers and housework and ministry. Being back there opened my eyes to what my relationship with God once was- and where I am working towards getting it to again. It also brought so much hope and excitement for the homes we will be opening up here- thinking about how many lives will be saved and transformed at the home here like the home in Milwaukee saved and transformed mine. Being back there was a reminder that God used my time in the home there to train me and get me ready for running the homes up here. He never wastes anything. I am humbled from where he brought me, and what he is doing in other's lives through my obedience.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">During the conference at Milwaukee Victory Church</td></tr>
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<span class="exdous" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline; width: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">To top it all off, this Monday, I was in a courtroom supporting one of my CROSSroads' girls HUGE accomplishment of graduating drug court after 18 months. While we were waiting for her to graduate, there were other people who were in the program that were in custody and called up before the judge in jumpsuits and shackles. Oh, how I remember being in that place. I thought that my destiny was to be in and out of jail for the rest of my life. When you are addicted to drugs and don't know God, that is the only option that you see. Such a hopeless, dark place to be. Someplace that I am so thankful God rescued me out of. I was reminded as I watched the people in jumpsuits, that that could have very well been me today if God hadn't intervened. I think back on that time of my life and it almost seems like a dream. My life is so unimaginably different today- because of God. He truly can change the worst of the worst, if we only surrender. I am living proof of that. So is my husband. He made a comment in the courtroom about how it was nice to be on the other side of the courtroom and know that you are going to be walking out on your own free will. Only by the grace of God! The funny thing is, that Malissa actually ended up at CROSSroads after being prayed for by people she didn't know from the CROSSroads leadership team on her first day of drug court that were in the courtroom for another one of our girls who was being sentenced. God brought her to CROSSroads a week later- and she has been there ever since! No one ever told her they were praying for her, but God brought her to us anyway. God is THERE- even in the darkest moments, and even when we aren't looking for him. He may very well show up for those guys in the jumpsuits in the courtroom. He truly is a God of the miraculous.</span></span><span class="exdous" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline; width: auto;"><br /></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband and others praying with Malissa outside of drug court</td></tr>
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<span class="exdous" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline; width: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I truly believe that God reminds us of where we come from, so that we never forget His power. When life is going good, sometimes it is easy to forget all of the bad stuff we have been through. But, it is there- waiting- if we ever decide to turn our back on God and go back to our mess. The enemy would love nothing more than to get us back to where God brought us out of. That's why it is so important to keep our eyes on Jesus, and keep pressing forward. I am so thankful for God and everything He has done. Seeing the contrast of where he brought me from makes me that much more thankful. My life now is truly a miracle- only by his power. God, let me never forget just how deep your love for me runs, and just how much you have shown me that by the way you have changed my life!</span></span><span class="exdous" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline; width: auto;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="color: #23221f; font-family: "open sans" , "arial" , "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;"><b><i>Remember His wonderful deeds which He has done, His marvels and the judgments from His mouth.</i></b></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-4929025268384086622016-02-25T14:48:00.002-06:002016-02-25T14:48:58.844-06:00God is the redeemer of ALL things- including the first day of school.<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>The LORD says, "I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.</b></div>
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<b> </b><b> You came near when I called on you; you said, ‘Do not fear!’ “You have taken up my cause, O Lord; you have redeemed my life. </b><br />
<b>Lamentations 3:57-58</b></div>
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I was not feeling well this morning. Not at all. However, this morning was my baby's first day of school. There was no way that I was gonna miss it- no matter how bad I felt. This is one of those priceless memories in time that you don't want to miss- because there is no getting it back.</div>
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He had a great time getting dropped off- he ran in and played with the kids like it was nothing. My husband and I walked out happy parents, relieved over the smooth transition. I'm not going to lie- I wanted to cry. My baby going to school is just not something I am ready for yet! When did he get so big?</div>
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I went about my day. Today is one of those chaotic days- moving furniture, writing 5 papers before the class they are due in at 1 pm, studying for a test at 3 pm. However, when I finally got a moment of silence to myself and had time to hear myself think about something other than schoolwork, a thought hit me like a kick in the gut. It brought both happy and sad tears to my eyes. I didn't recognize it in the bustle of the morning craziness, but God softly reminded me that today was a redemption day. A day I thought I would never see- a day I didn't think I deserved.</div>
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You see, about 8 years ago, I had another son who had his first day of preschool. I was determined to go- like any mother- and see my little boy off to his first ever day of school. However, back then, I was not any mother. I was a hopelessly addicted drug addict who didn't know Jesus. As anyone who has ever dealt with or been a drug addict knows- an addicts plans hardly ever come to fruition.</div>
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On that day 8 years ago- instead of seeing my little boy off to his first day of school, I was in a hospital getting my stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning and tons of pills that I had taken in a suicide attempt. I remember it so vividly- laying on the hospital bed, unable on my own will because they had branded me suicidal and there was a hold period, and coming out of my substance induced haze, I realized what that morning was. It was Alex's first day of school. Was I really that much of a loser that I had to screw up my kid's first day of school with my addiction? What kind of mother is that? Talk about a low point in life- that was one of them. If I was suicidal before I came into the hospital, now I really wanted to die. I always screwed everything up, and I was tired and hopeless. There was no point even trying anymore. </div>
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<b>Oh give thanks to the </b><span class="sc"><b>Lord</b></span><b>, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the </b><span class="sc"><b>Lord</b></span><b> say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south. Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. ... </b></div>
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<b>Psalms 107:1</b></div>
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My grandma kept calling the hospital to see if I was okay. She told the nurse that it was my son's first day of school. I remember when that nurse walked in the room, she had a look of disgust on her face that she didn't even try to hide. Her contempt for me, my disease, and my selfishness were obvious. She snarkily said "Really- it's your son's first day of preschool? You chose drugs over that? Pathetic." Then she walked out.</div>
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I wanted to scream at her, explain the situation, tell her that I couldn't help it, I was in bondage and couldn't break out, despite the good things in my life. Despite wanting to. The hold my addiction had on me overshadowed even the good things in my life, and there was nothing I could do about it. But I didn't. She wouldn't care anyway. To her I was just a junkie loser who didn't care about her kids. I could understand why she thought that way. However, I DID care- I loved my son dearly, and deseratley wanted to be a good mom, my addiction just had more power.</div>
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I went many years totally heartbroken when I thought about that memory. It is one of those moments in time that you can never get back. One of those times you look back in your life and realize just how low drugs brought you. I thought it was one of those things I would just have to live with. There is no redemption for that. You can't get it back.</div>
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Until today. Clean and sober and saved, I dropped my little boy off for his first day of preschool. So did my husband- who missed everything in his older children's lives due to his addiction too. It was a moment we thought we would never get to experience. Neither one of us ever thought God would give us another child, after the ways we failed the other ones- the way we chose our addiction over them. But we were BOTH there for every moment this morning. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Checking it out!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkK9mr29bLz8jWn7yB0_M4GVluVmEvJgQGQw1RS_wxh9M0fwxFNAus4IQbZWabc37sk8fxdEg9iVk-7qbGLlwfdmYObLlbqlKiJSM1x5w1TjnLDCUB_HHTxqtWpyuC6FhjrAY05YYbvoM/s1600/12670478_10153580970143305_3890139136137745175_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkK9mr29bLz8jWn7yB0_M4GVluVmEvJgQGQw1RS_wxh9M0fwxFNAus4IQbZWabc37sk8fxdEg9iVk-7qbGLlwfdmYObLlbqlKiJSM1x5w1TjnLDCUB_HHTxqtWpyuC6FhjrAY05YYbvoM/s320/12670478_10153580970143305_3890139136137745175_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">His locker!</td></tr>
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When I realized what had happened this morning, I burst into tears. SO many times God does miracles, and we are too busy to notice them. What seems like a small, normal thing to most people- dropping your child off for their first day of school- is a miracle for two former hardcore drug addicts. Addicts who didn't have custody of their other children because they were a danger to them, who couldn't show up to birthday parties because they were getting high, who came to Christmas drunk and wrecked the holiday for everyone and traumatized their kids. Addicts whose children saw them getting arrested by swat teams, and who grew up without their parents fully there because they were caught up in an addiction that they couldn't get out of- until God. I truly believe that God knows how heartbroken I have been all these years over missing this moment with my other son. He showed me today, that he truly does redeem all things. He cares, and He will give you a life beyond your wildest imagination if you let Him.</div>
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Nothing is impossible with God. No matter how far you have gone or hopeless it seems or how badly you have messed up your life, he can fix it. I promise you that. Anyone who says otherwise- I call your bluff. Because we walked our little boy into preschool today. </div>
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<b>And through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, </b></div>
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<b>Colossians 1:20-22</b></div>
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<b>Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are my servant; I formed you; you are my servant; O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you. </b></div>
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<b>Isaiah 44:21-22</b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-23931251482277879812016-02-21T23:49:00.000-06:002016-02-22T00:03:00.724-06:00Justin's THIRD birthday.<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
Even though we have been celebrating all weekend, today is Justin' official third birthday. It is so crazy that he is three years old already! It seems like just yesterday, the gorgeous baby with the crazy mop of hair entered our lives and changed them forever! He is growing so quickly, but I am SO proud of the child he has become. We could NOT be more blessed, or ask for a more amazing little boy!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk7Szp_jSnjaoZf8t-wxQKmA7de-Ix00NoVawDtOEhlNiZmuz31ajad076MilyVIswvILT3nuyRd_23jMZ5MDWXyJXBqYHvTFU0CQchmteI3_rNKJ8IRQ_OPqfivnvtUftIRz5NSG32T4/s1600/860300_2800128138207_936519768_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk7Szp_jSnjaoZf8t-wxQKmA7de-Ix00NoVawDtOEhlNiZmuz31ajad076MilyVIswvILT3nuyRd_23jMZ5MDWXyJXBqYHvTFU0CQchmteI3_rNKJ8IRQ_OPqfivnvtUftIRz5NSG32T4/s320/860300_2800128138207_936519768_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justin at just a few hours old (see what I mean about the hair!)</td></tr>
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We got home from Minnesota this evening, and had a small, intimate birthday celebration for our birthday boy. His daddy went out of his way to buy decorations (including a bubble machine), set up all of his presents, and we surprised him. His little face was priceless!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So happy!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihpLvQVDvaYxlJqj-Bu6s92OBvGR_3gkqFvRnN1ozLP5wWIVGEK2ccg-qMcWvnn9Ms4lPdUa5Z1ns0J0zG2hvV0c5u46d4JGN2wqVSPJiUTfLBqX9fO5GC0qxRa76tBY7BScYvWGQ2uwc/s1600/12418899_10201179328761163_1585830621180461652_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihpLvQVDvaYxlJqj-Bu6s92OBvGR_3gkqFvRnN1ozLP5wWIVGEK2ccg-qMcWvnn9Ms4lPdUa5Z1ns0J0zG2hvV0c5u46d4JGN2wqVSPJiUTfLBqX9fO5GC0qxRa76tBY7BScYvWGQ2uwc/s320/12418899_10201179328761163_1585830621180461652_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kisses for daddy</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My hubby did such an amazing job!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNyYSdOjWd-yZCFThOodv8NfALXO_thaVBSJoEPkYX5-ZyfNzO5Z9bTr0g2xuuxcfr3c1Auc3-xQwEFt2RsF1wdy9LzZc9lcVr6g_5FkMRpZ53h2ZpTNCKM3RHBF-rKxAvYu7a7MJ4iuo/s1600/12764522_10201179329601184_8536268347996045279_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNyYSdOjWd-yZCFThOodv8NfALXO_thaVBSJoEPkYX5-ZyfNzO5Z9bTr0g2xuuxcfr3c1Auc3-xQwEFt2RsF1wdy9LzZc9lcVr6g_5FkMRpZ53h2ZpTNCKM3RHBF-rKxAvYu7a7MJ4iuo/s320/12764522_10201179329601184_8536268347996045279_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnv5LhhkapRqSdQ6LwgxlK3kXYAYowjYLRemDlesQfWl-tPG0JKDyaKMnKpaLLaZJWEJ5ZfU1wPecVgfVUlzQ7wQKmZsc5pk3zQFis7dMsApBMIKizhlCPrsLKdPec9oUeYvvnWFPxMEU/s1600/12764658_10201179251199224_6199830037143319239_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnv5LhhkapRqSdQ6LwgxlK3kXYAYowjYLRemDlesQfWl-tPG0JKDyaKMnKpaLLaZJWEJ5ZfU1wPecVgfVUlzQ7wQKmZsc5pk3zQFis7dMsApBMIKizhlCPrsLKdPec9oUeYvvnWFPxMEU/s320/12764658_10201179251199224_6199830037143319239_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lots of Mickey Mouse loot!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">MMMMMMM... cupcakes!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw6nN3mkQCxSIMQcW5_UfGJfTOTvOk5jrKzrOYjEBkRLNYd806V0aZC8Lmto8wHSArZhjOZB8xBE26VJJ2oQ2h8Y-9kr749w_RybZ0wrCt3MNFokcHRurQ1ydMpGJDX2hOTUqgGePQxCM/s1600/12029739_10201179253519282_5566202807344238960_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw6nN3mkQCxSIMQcW5_UfGJfTOTvOk5jrKzrOYjEBkRLNYd806V0aZC8Lmto8wHSArZhjOZB8xBE26VJJ2oQ2h8Y-9kr749w_RybZ0wrCt3MNFokcHRurQ1ydMpGJDX2hOTUqgGePQxCM/s320/12029739_10201179253519282_5566202807344238960_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love my baby!</td></tr>
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I know that some people may think we went over the top by celebrating his birthday for three day straight, but this little boy has altered both mine and my husband's life in ways that we couldn't fathom before he was born. We have been so beyond blessed to be his parents, and we thank God for him everyday. We wanted to make his birthday incredibly special, especially since last year he was with us on a ministry trip on his birthday, so he really didn't get much of a party except for a small party with family at McDonalds. We hope that he will look back on these memories and realize just how loved and cherished he is by his mom and dad. We would give him the world if we could! I thank God that he enabled us to have a great experience this weekend, and gain much needed family time where we could concentrate on celebrating our incredible son. Happy birthday my sweet, sweet boy. We love you to the moon, and we are absolutely honored to be your parents!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-17484488055376007282016-02-21T23:24:00.003-06:002016-02-22T00:02:33.853-06:00Justin's birthday weekend celebration at MOA day two- Rainforest Cafe and Nickelodeon Universe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Our little guy had quite the day today on the second day of his birthday weekend celebration at Mall Of America. We went for a morning swim, had a delicious lunch at TGI Fridays, then headed over to the mall of America and hit up Nickelodeon Universe. He had a blast- but it was crazy busy, with kids everywhere!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The wonderpets!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Awesome rides</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Driving the truck with daddy!</td></tr>
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After he finally got tired out, mommy went shopping for awhile (seriously- if I buy ONE more pair of shoes, I think my husband is going to kill me!) while Justin and daddy sat down to rest. Then, we headed over to Rainforest Café for Justin's birthday dinner. He was absolutely thrilled with the entire experience! Not only is the entire restaurant decorated in a jungle theme with animated animals, but there are periodic thunderstorms that happen while you are eating. It was so cool! The food was delicious, but the real hit of the night was when they brought out Justin's birthday brownie volcano complete with a sparkler on top, while the staff sang happy birthday to him. His eyes lit up, and he was grinning from ear to ear! My husband has an ADORABLE video of it! My little boy was SO happy!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HUGE shrimp tacos!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justin's cool light up cup!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Delicious clam chowder in a bread bowl!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ben's seafood platter</td></tr>
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And... The birthday brownie volcano- complete with ice cream and whipped cream! This thing was TOTALLY massive! So yummy!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So happy!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">YUM!</td></tr>
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Once we got back to the suite, our little boy was out like a light! He took up the ENTIRE bed, so finding a position to sleep in was interesting ;) I am just SO thankful that God has blessed us to be able to have this wonderful weekend to celebrate the birth of our little boy- he is worth it ALL!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Out like a light!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-86207205351960875062016-02-20T11:22:00.002-06:002016-02-20T11:54:13.997-06:00First day at mall of America for Justin's birthday weekend- Sea Life!Instead of doing a traditional birthday party for our little boy's third birthday, we decided to take a weekend getaway to mall of America in Minnesota. Sometimes you just need to get away from all of the ministry, school, and life stuff and relax as a family! We had an absolute blast on our first day. Our hotel suite was absolutely gorgeous, and the first thing that we did was take Justin to the aquarium. He loved it so much! It was way better than I thought it was going to be! We all got to pet stingrays, and they had amazing tunnels where the sharks, fish, turtles, and stingrays swam over your head. I am so happy that my little boy had an amazing time (and let's face it- mom and dad did too!)<br />
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We also went to Lego land, had some fantastic Gyros from a place called Gyropolis, and enjoyed swimming and the hot tub when we got back to the hotel for the night. We are really looking forward to day two- Nickelodeon Universe Theme Park and The Rainforest Café for his birthday dinner!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmmRNGqr1IqcJDfbgwIUwkYgKcpisTJfSJcFM05oQJ8rQ_Th4I6aRDIduB0FzxJ0tgIjst3q8cJP0KnR_BsFu0CRQkYZm5z_1I00hXpq19uYLIJcSwEwsH2pvoENhdNC_vUtK_znUveT8/s1600/12764407_10201173255289330_2109628273459689834_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmmRNGqr1IqcJDfbgwIUwkYgKcpisTJfSJcFM05oQJ8rQ_Th4I6aRDIduB0FzxJ0tgIjst3q8cJP0KnR_BsFu0CRQkYZm5z_1I00hXpq19uYLIJcSwEwsH2pvoENhdNC_vUtK_znUveT8/s320/12764407_10201173255289330_2109628273459689834_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These are all made out of Legos! How cool is that?</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-70772462180802275462016-01-15T22:14:00.002-06:002016-01-15T23:06:09.866-06:00Trusting God in the big things and freaking out over the little things.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Being married to someone who has severe, chronic health problems has tested my faith more than just about any situation I have been through in life. I have been through a lot in my life, but the constant battle of fear, hope, peace, and dismay has never been so intense as it has been on my husband's health journey. I have wrestled through the questions of why my husband remains sick. God's word says that He is a healer, and that nothing is impossible for Him- even curing diseases and health problems. I have wrestled through the questions of WHY God hasn't healed my husband yet. He may never heal him, if it's not His will. That was a hard pill to swallow. However, I have come to terms with the fact that if God has allowed this into our lives, there is a reason for it. I know that God is good, and I know that he has a purpose in everything He allows into our lives- even if it isn't orchestrated the way I would want it to be. This week had me holding onto that belief with every ounce of my being. It has also made me love my husband more than I ever have. It has also shown me quite a lot about myself, and how it is very easy for me to depend on God for the big things, but I tend to depend on myself for the small, everyday ones.</div>
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The day after we got back from vacation, my husband went to a regularly scheduled doctor's appointment. While there, he started having bad chest pains and trouble breathing. His doctor sent him to the emergency room, and they admitted him to the hospital. The next day, they announced that they would be taking out his current pacemaker and putting in a newer, more sophisticated, heavy duty one. They had talked about putting in this new pacemaker a few weeks ago when he was in the hospital, but with the most recent hospitalization, the urgency of getting a new pacemaker became apparent. With two hospitalizations for heart problems within the last month, they figured that they couldn't wait anymore. I am so thankful for intelligent doctors and the lifesaving work they do!</div>
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Honestly, when he called me and told me that he was going in for surgery, I was sick to my stomach. So many thoughts flooded my head. I have watched way too much Grey's Anatomy and House episodes- and just about everything that had gone wrong in surgery on those shows flashed before my eyes. I was really, really, tempted to freak out. But then I felt a peace come over me. A peace that can only come from God. He reminded me that he is nowhere near done with my husband and I yet. I know that deep down in my heart, but the reminder helped me to put things into perspective. Nothing was going to happen to my husband during his surgery, because God still has plans for him. BIG plans. I knew it. I just had to stay focused on that thought instead of letting my mind wander to places it shouldn't be going. Freak out inducing places. I didn't have time to have a breakdown when I was dealing with something of this magnitude- especially when I turned around and saw my three year old little boy staring up at me.</div>
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A friend of mine came and stayed the night with me the night before his surgery. She was here when I got the call. She watched me with anticipation, waiting for the freak out moment that never came. Instead, I started crazily cleaning my house. Cleaning everything- and then re-cleaning everything. I could feel her watching me- waiting for me to break down, to cry, to freak out, to start screaming. But I just.... cleaned. I almost think that if I would have freaked out it would have been less awkward for her. I'm sure it looked like I was just shutting down. You know- before people snap, they are usually calm. Calmness in these types of situations weirds people out, because it isn't expected.</div>
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You see, I normally am a freaker-outer. My friend that witnessed my frantic cleaning knows that about me as well- which is why it was probably awkward to her that I wasn't having a breakdown. Faith is not really my strongest spiritual gift (but it is my husband's- his motto is that no matter what happens, it will be okay). I freak out over little things. If my plans get disrupted. If we are late for something. If the house doesn't stay clean. If my Judge Judy doesn't record. If I get a lower grade on a test than I thought I was going to get. Stupid things. Things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Things that pale in comparison to your husband having heart surgery. That's what I freak out about. So you would think I would REALLY freak out about big things like a doctor cutting into my husband's chest to put a device into his heart. I expected myself to freak out too.</div>
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Then I had a realization. My husband has been through a lot of hospitalizations since I have been with him, and honestly it was probably only the first time that I freaked out. All of the rest of the times, I have been surprisingly peaceful. One time (ask him about it- he is very happy to tell the story lol) he was having chest pains and I told him to go to the pharmacy to check his prescription interactions. There was no panic, no "let's rush to the hospital- you could be DYING!" How is that possible when I can't maintain my peace when my Judge Judy episodes get messed up? When I score less than what I desired on a test? When there are socks in the middle of the floor? Yes, it is only made possible by the peace of God, but why can't I channel that peace into my DVR? It makes no sense.</div>
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I started thinking about it, and realized that the reason I don't fly into a panic about the big things is because A) I shut down to protect myself from being hurt as I have had too many people die on me already and can't afford to let my head go there B) I KNOW there is nothing I can do to change the big things like death, and C) I HAVE to trust God in the big things, because they are totally out of my hands. Sometimes in the little things, it is hard to remember that God is there, that He is in control, and that he cares. We have an illusion of control when it comes to the DVR or the cleanliness of our house. Those are small enough things where WE can fix them, so it is easy to freak out when they aren't going as planned because we feel like we should be able to exert power over them. Like they are our responsibility. That freaking out will motivate us to do what we are supposed to be doing to make things right. However, when it comes to a family health crisis, it is never more obvious that we have absolutely no control over the situation. We MUST depend on God, because HE is the only one who can do ANYTHING in those big situations. As much as we try, wish, hope, or do- sickness and death are totally out of our hands. So why freak out? We are powerless (we are actually powerless when it comes to the DVR and the house to a degree too- but it's much harder to convince ourselves of that).</div>
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When life is so crazy and scary and out of control, it forces us to turn to the one who is. We don't fight to make things better because we know that God is the only one who can. We don't freak out because we know that it will do absolutely no good in comparison to the size and scope of the problem that we are dealing with. There comes a point where we know that all we can do is turn to God and desperately pray that He will fix the situation. Things like this really knock you to your knees and force you to a surrendering point. You realize just how NOT in control you are, and you have to trust that God's purposes will prevail. You have to hold onto that thought- especially if the outcome isn't what you wanted or were expecting. We HAVE to trust God in the big things- in the God sized things. He is the only one big enough to handle them.</div>
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I know this because of the life I have lived. I have had horrible, tragic things happen in my life and been in situations that were far and above my ability to change. In each of these situations, God brought me through the other side, He brought good out of them, and he revealed to me just how powerful he really is. I know that God shows up in the big moments- even when they are dark and painful and seemingly hopeless. I have been down that road with Him too many times to count, and he never disappoints. The little things, though- those are harder. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the concept of God showing up to somehow use my lost Judge Judy episodes for good. It is easier to get lost in the small, everyday things and believe that we are the ones who are in control. That we don't need God to fix it because we can. There is no false sense of self-sufficiency when it comes to the big things. We realize that He is God and we are not, and that there is no sense in freaking out because His purpose is going to prevail whether we like it or not, and without our input.</div>
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My husband got released from the hospital yesterday, with a shiny new pacemaker. All was going well (he even ventured out to bible study), and then he started bleeding from his chest. A lot. And his blood was THICK. His incision site started to swell, and he said he needed to go to the hospital. He went, and this time I was alone- with my three year old sleeping in his bedroom. Maybe I would freak out this time now that there were no witnesses.</div>
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Well, I was peaceful enough that I fell asleep on the couch watching Judge Judy episodes (oh the irony!), and received a call at midnight from a friend of ours that works at the hospital. She let me know that they had to take Ben back into surgery, because there was internal bleeding somewhere or a slow leak in his heart. THAT was a scary thing to hear. I'm not even going to try to lie. But again, what could I do about it? I prayed and prayed and asked God to heal my husband and give the doctor's wisdom. I clung to what I KNEW- that God is good, that He is my husband's protector, and that he is not finished with him yet. Still, my mind was trying really hard to veer into territory that it shouldn't. I tried to imagine life without my husband and I couldn't. I kept telling myself that God knows the plans He has for BOTH of us, and that I need to accept that whatever the outcome may be, God would be there, and that He knows what He is doing.</div>
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I woke up this morning to a call from my husband telling me that the surgery was, in fact, to remove three blood clots that had formed under his incision next to his heart. They did emergency surgery to cauterize them, and they were keeping him at the hospital for a few hours for observation and then sending him home. I so wanted to scream "they should just keep you for the next 4 weeks (his recovery time) so they can protect you from this happening again!" But again I was reminded who is really in charge. Doctors and nurses are great, but in the end God is the one whose will prevails. He will protect my husband ~ whether in the hospital or out. I know He loves my husband enough to guard his life. If I trust that He is good, faithful, and loving, there is no need to freak out.</div>
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He is good, faithful, and loving. Even when my Judge Judy episodes don't record. Learning that is the tricky part. Surely if I can trust him with my husband's life, I can trust him with my DVR. Giving up control of the big things are easy- but to a control freak, the small things are hard. The illusion of control is much harder to destroy when it's things we believe we are self sufficient at doing. I am slowly learning that God is all sufficient in EVERY situation, and that on my best day, I am a miserable failure at running my universe- even if that universe only consists of controlling the wayward socks that seem to make their way onto my living room floor and getting my DVR box to record. It's good to be reminded that we make horrible Gods, and that we sometimes push God aside when it comes to things that we think we can handle without Him. Even when we think we know better, or that we would work out a situation differently- it's important to remember that there is a reason that God is God and we are not. When we think that we can control things better than God can- and freak out in the process- there is something wrong. Sometimes it is harder to recognize God in the small, mundane stuff. Maybe that's why God allows the freak outs over the lost Judge Judy episodes. So it's glaringly apparent how truly insufficient we really are without Him. How could I possibly think I could protect my husband's life better than God when I can't even manage my DVR? It's a lesson I'm slowly learning. Hopefully I don't have to sacrifice too many more Judge Judy episodes to fully learn it.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxyFbnS7ZIFJkH1z3KSMGC5WzOgsPxl8ZOQBF1-CgsRDiSWV_-4zC3_YOWCzOTBacMv8ghP0t9Xr276s6rBJf9e-gcXXC_ItNAnauzvlp5e8ByzZ0PCsmbSnYGTNPmJsJjqQZuJkdqeaY/s1600/12523116_10153495966608305_7938474287200006177_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxyFbnS7ZIFJkH1z3KSMGC5WzOgsPxl8ZOQBF1-CgsRDiSWV_-4zC3_YOWCzOTBacMv8ghP0t9Xr276s6rBJf9e-gcXXC_ItNAnauzvlp5e8ByzZ0PCsmbSnYGTNPmJsJjqQZuJkdqeaY/s320/12523116_10153495966608305_7938474287200006177_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband right out of surgery with his shiny new pacemaker.</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-44256290505028308772016-01-10T19:19:00.000-06:002016-01-15T22:45:40.800-06:00God is an ARTIST!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifVGX6JvBFvCFMRDhs3tpb1j_kcagNC0n6yfWwqWzmD60z-ZLnmI5mWMDGYrO31eZlxYIkECIK4u9V6PEXxqaAytgdmSBrDEnfLVbZgsDxIi2ky7CAsQ4jKf-PN8uoq4bCcC1D680itWo/s1600/945555_10153476536923305_3823606167877735169_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifVGX6JvBFvCFMRDhs3tpb1j_kcagNC0n6yfWwqWzmD60z-ZLnmI5mWMDGYrO31eZlxYIkECIK4u9V6PEXxqaAytgdmSBrDEnfLVbZgsDxIi2ky7CAsQ4jKf-PN8uoq4bCcC1D680itWo/s320/945555_10153476536923305_3823606167877735169_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Chalet in the Smokey Mountains</td></tr>
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My family was EXTREMLEY blessed to spend the past week in a Chalet in the Smokey Mountains. We stayed at Fairhaven Ministries in Roan Mountain, Tennessee, which is a ministry that is specifically designed for ministers, pastors and missionaries to have an affordable place to get away from the unrelenting demands of ministry where you can completely unplug and be ministered to yourself for once. I can honestly say that this trip took my breath away! The beauty of God's handiwork absolutely astounded me. I was amazed and in awe the entire trip at how glorious a workman God is. On top of that, I got some MUCH needed rest from frontline ministry, and spent family bonding time that none of us will soon forget. God truly spoke to me during this trip and refreshed me to get ready to get back on the frontlines of ministry when I got back. I wanted to share some of my favorite pictures of our time there- even though pictures don't NEARLY do it justice. The beauty I was exposed to there is just too exquisite to be captured on camera. We are SO blessed and thankful to EVERYONE who made this trip possible! They are memories that will last a life time!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsw53GxkMHZkzWWRoM3oGPOY7C9MJaog1eav1CazHOmyFBr-OxqVsuD12b0Q-3yeFuCwbyl0Nughu0Fyv43SDOtaaxWflRk8MiK5V9IFEynWlGu5bVM8pEcNfmyZBAT12-BwpAY9fA-1w/s1600/1914151_10153478059918305_5633461716228241270_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsw53GxkMHZkzWWRoM3oGPOY7C9MJaog1eav1CazHOmyFBr-OxqVsuD12b0Q-3yeFuCwbyl0Nughu0Fyv43SDOtaaxWflRk8MiK5V9IFEynWlGu5bVM8pEcNfmyZBAT12-BwpAY9fA-1w/s320/1914151_10153478059918305_5633461716228241270_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The on-grounds prayer chapel.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr2F9DpDZJJJ3PEDzI4-3hWeaVaLaxsQdBMyaoHSzCraY3AJXjJudzeNziOfBOfeEyqAT_I6OC3Ug1Lo9-MjTDZBYNtEEBEu3J2SYKgSs9LRlIfaFCYppHmlDxvbWxEjyEiIuSLE8d6aM/s1600/1914835_10153478074648305_8780033998270258838_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr2F9DpDZJJJ3PEDzI4-3hWeaVaLaxsQdBMyaoHSzCraY3AJXjJudzeNziOfBOfeEyqAT_I6OC3Ug1Lo9-MjTDZBYNtEEBEu3J2SYKgSs9LRlIfaFCYppHmlDxvbWxEjyEiIuSLE8d6aM/s320/1914835_10153478074648305_8780033998270258838_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justin enjoying the view</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The beautiful Smokey Mountains.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrR76seK5-lumr3UX4neisz0L5IVMS5wPDrKL-cDDS2ElJuHWx1DdzkEKp4szmeXCSRiH9jSb8lx1NcZy52hpcny1kV_Kt81u9TbHXfFJsBVca5qOQY-b6-zRAT4-jNQ3_X2jdQBIxAWc/s1600/1937082_10153479264178305_6716193987021925728_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrR76seK5-lumr3UX4neisz0L5IVMS5wPDrKL-cDDS2ElJuHWx1DdzkEKp4szmeXCSRiH9jSb8lx1NcZy52hpcny1kV_Kt81u9TbHXfFJsBVca5qOQY-b6-zRAT4-jNQ3_X2jdQBIxAWc/s320/1937082_10153479264178305_6716193987021925728_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not a bad backdrop ;)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justin throwing rocks in the pond.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDv3aToXu1ZTZRuK_NzwW0AKlSEKDY71XpbWMwBd6oeZ5iV4PQpAqUmey1KyRmAcJlJUD7V8GhEK3Da3mibMtCO4hQsQyMu-2sbcCFr6VHQjaLM_48wIEthuG57d5jJOmILR5pUqOuxM0/s1600/12473886_10201049250749294_6907025862695682075_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDv3aToXu1ZTZRuK_NzwW0AKlSEKDY71XpbWMwBd6oeZ5iV4PQpAqUmey1KyRmAcJlJUD7V8GhEK3Da3mibMtCO4hQsQyMu-2sbcCFr6VHQjaLM_48wIEthuG57d5jJOmILR5pUqOuxM0/s320/12473886_10201049250749294_6907025862695682075_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of the waterfalls RIGHT outside our Chalet! At nighttime, all you could hear were the sound of the waterfalls and the leaves in the trees! So peaceful!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another beautiful waterfall.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My handsome husband and I!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaNGbF3epVS5bno0la_cRVqidj_k2VyVnV8jT2iu3aMXimaIuYHaJ_JmgQiOfv3OtkuUwN6wTov6JrKGm2MZ0_OUTPSpTPK7MjelyIbkSKQMfVnxDQG_1XxJT7iMPq8aUR8PVvQ5xFY2s/s1600/12507158_10153477589678305_2786657932214142407_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaNGbF3epVS5bno0la_cRVqidj_k2VyVnV8jT2iu3aMXimaIuYHaJ_JmgQiOfv3OtkuUwN6wTov6JrKGm2MZ0_OUTPSpTPK7MjelyIbkSKQMfVnxDQG_1XxJT7iMPq8aUR8PVvQ5xFY2s/s320/12507158_10153477589678305_2786657932214142407_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There is NO ONE else I would rather share this beauty with!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGSivE9DBXo2I9W-r6yVVn-RJpAQXTUJiaaS0EVFeFyMX8y9dK6z7LRZ7lcxQX0i1Wu-1xjzxMQ7_o4-HFqvq6x5G3gcmDST89i5SxZ3gFtUnQ0QPEgDXRrwYkOhIn6_TSrnbM8mDSb-o/s1600/12509410_10153485992773305_4490764983969128165_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGSivE9DBXo2I9W-r6yVVn-RJpAQXTUJiaaS0EVFeFyMX8y9dK6z7LRZ7lcxQX0i1Wu-1xjzxMQ7_o4-HFqvq6x5G3gcmDST89i5SxZ3gFtUnQ0QPEgDXRrwYkOhIn6_TSrnbM8mDSb-o/s320/12509410_10153485992773305_4490764983969128165_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justin says hello from Fairhaven!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY5Te6BoFf2HxfZc7Xm9luc1Y89_HuTl-iYeAiGFRv8Rfx9z37mYy22ZEU8oyjh9mvtbBedm_ufYYdX9eotq51w5Keag3PxOu2GJEYuCOTMVLHlkRhmMDfKVLG3rxIdooaHqzX-a2ceAI/s1600/12511644_10153487926573305_1832151124_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY5Te6BoFf2HxfZc7Xm9luc1Y89_HuTl-iYeAiGFRv8Rfx9z37mYy22ZEU8oyjh9mvtbBedm_ufYYdX9eotq51w5Keag3PxOu2GJEYuCOTMVLHlkRhmMDfKVLG3rxIdooaHqzX-a2ceAI/s320/12511644_10153487926573305_1832151124_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The beautiful mountains at sunset. SO breathtaking!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie4UCGaCXBQCgorEJL5LGB3cQD0f-W4MwkCrfaWf_rBq1hXVCdjBy989-VH6wlApYEPC-82eMNi_g8igCHfSh2ScNXoqVGzCgbcchvdg90tg8M60mK5R_hG6Rgzz3iMN_-NwD3bDM3Rhc/s1600/12443555_10201035463724627_1561145349_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie4UCGaCXBQCgorEJL5LGB3cQD0f-W4MwkCrfaWf_rBq1hXVCdjBy989-VH6wlApYEPC-82eMNi_g8igCHfSh2ScNXoqVGzCgbcchvdg90tg8M60mK5R_hG6Rgzz3iMN_-NwD3bDM3Rhc/s320/12443555_10201035463724627_1561145349_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy and son smooch!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVVZ_JTyKfPv5mGDrvxeY9kmUIW8mpjcmzjZTSUW31bvWwtUr5ic8ZzQsaElykxalUVDeRX73z8c0G8CqWEd9V0g4fam9-AfXZUvGqgwxttdebpff9twVceufVJdskige5azgIxjCKNOk/s1600/12469434_10201040397007956_7267929317613687764_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVVZ_JTyKfPv5mGDrvxeY9kmUIW8mpjcmzjZTSUW31bvWwtUr5ic8ZzQsaElykxalUVDeRX73z8c0G8CqWEd9V0g4fam9-AfXZUvGqgwxttdebpff9twVceufVJdskige5azgIxjCKNOk/s320/12469434_10201040397007956_7267929317613687764_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some creepy dolls we found on top of a creepy abandoned building.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoOiAo2ZM_KHJlr8Gp_1PmMtCu3LuOcMSAocfa_K6luON68yf-tpFzVy7sn9lEjD7gPJkmSn6LrXZpxg9iN2-QVafAoSvHl3EfZ4H_olsME65omnTMJh8psxuYInvsHYvEHUJDQfejOU/s1600/12469567_10201046943211607_5043358973785730877_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoOiAo2ZM_KHJlr8Gp_1PmMtCu3LuOcMSAocfa_K6luON68yf-tpFzVy7sn9lEjD7gPJkmSn6LrXZpxg9iN2-QVafAoSvHl3EfZ4H_olsME65omnTMJh8psxuYInvsHYvEHUJDQfejOU/s320/12469567_10201046943211607_5043358973785730877_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We drove over the border to get some REAL North Carolina barbecue in North Carolina!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdm0-soayR0nLhJxdnJTQ5NbVYd4XsnTS6XAji7wlHQK0ZyPHP4LfwawXJ_kPKgRL73aUvotJ0alLON-0BJjSjKqsnihjdx4zxEfsr-IHLbjpxdEhnAGs_C6u93jcQd-G2BVtbIeI0_6E/s1600/12493404_10201050809468261_6286833094622946733_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdm0-soayR0nLhJxdnJTQ5NbVYd4XsnTS6XAji7wlHQK0ZyPHP4LfwawXJ_kPKgRL73aUvotJ0alLON-0BJjSjKqsnihjdx4zxEfsr-IHLbjpxdEhnAGs_C6u93jcQd-G2BVtbIeI0_6E/s320/12493404_10201050809468261_6286833094622946733_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photos don't do it justice!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOy1yVD91UH64ZQzlM0uofI0SRap7j4dnXbQGj9tVW8LBm2LKDz6QwmlWvxU3U0YKfcHwYYhRdwh35u9Xf7D1GjnTjYFbpCCPMYxN46m3Hm5XOFXupU3Zy3Mpfj91K1n5xFr3dBL-Vq2k/s1600/12493851_10201050807268206_2773006876942993956_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOy1yVD91UH64ZQzlM0uofI0SRap7j4dnXbQGj9tVW8LBm2LKDz6QwmlWvxU3U0YKfcHwYYhRdwh35u9Xf7D1GjnTjYFbpCCPMYxN46m3Hm5XOFXupU3Zy3Mpfj91K1n5xFr3dBL-Vq2k/s320/12493851_10201050807268206_2773006876942993956_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These boots were made for walking!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqD5B5wRcyJ850pweX2ujvZeK4nVG09XidKhyphenhyphenWUaNhimfUQDFGbiEOq_O9c1mBJmQ-CnxLtFOcdVuOTD_n5irF986IEYvqXWGRrRH7si8PRXRLjTxrW3zIaTEV9rof4s2m7NhYcYYshtU/s1600/IMG_2861.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqD5B5wRcyJ850pweX2ujvZeK4nVG09XidKhyphenhyphenWUaNhimfUQDFGbiEOq_O9c1mBJmQ-CnxLtFOcdVuOTD_n5irF986IEYvqXWGRrRH7si8PRXRLjTxrW3zIaTEV9rof4s2m7NhYcYYshtU/s320/IMG_2861.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijdLRSfrsr1zgOS3s8x2M__jyviN5fYIsOLWv3xYj4_498zDCnWv7BtVi04SXh-ctDNnU9wJFLvo5I0igGVmvzTi5GbSmti-VGUDmS5yWjCNnr3R3yilSUbbU9_Icavfc_giLAaV1X8dE/s1600/IMG_2917.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijdLRSfrsr1zgOS3s8x2M__jyviN5fYIsOLWv3xYj4_498zDCnWv7BtVi04SXh-ctDNnU9wJFLvo5I0igGVmvzTi5GbSmti-VGUDmS5yWjCNnr3R3yilSUbbU9_Icavfc_giLAaV1X8dE/s320/IMG_2917.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhf8PETkTMg4-i-IMj76yKYo5uNtbb0o97We30E1w5Q3QqDTr1KdrSmmSFo7-T3d350eJ40RABCsMo4a-d60LqY7pmLC2OUrQqwo6G47mcBm9AqvtOwAcHuvHlAjYtno4GgtahEcgWCOE/s1600/IMG_2924.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhf8PETkTMg4-i-IMj76yKYo5uNtbb0o97We30E1w5Q3QqDTr1KdrSmmSFo7-T3d350eJ40RABCsMo4a-d60LqY7pmLC2OUrQqwo6G47mcBm9AqvtOwAcHuvHlAjYtno4GgtahEcgWCOE/s320/IMG_2924.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaFe7FoKGQ65CvcK7YpZxk61G48tPtO-k2gxFceNvBEFRUDK2rJp4vlDtygRX4HwMyLhyoUO67oM3iw5a1ONgqjQr2DCcV8E8pSAQbYLxW-WqQN1BRLR4RT0OxBMH5VT_dbtsppwkyjjU/s1600/IMG_2951.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaFe7FoKGQ65CvcK7YpZxk61G48tPtO-k2gxFceNvBEFRUDK2rJp4vlDtygRX4HwMyLhyoUO67oM3iw5a1ONgqjQr2DCcV8E8pSAQbYLxW-WqQN1BRLR4RT0OxBMH5VT_dbtsppwkyjjU/s320/IMG_2951.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Side view of the Chalet.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmG3Ueif2kL8_igDCYKeWLbobLJE079ePEtR2SSHOpcHWoSBfHYj8lDpCo6UFZpOhKBHbr7mJ6tEd8FgwSyqOmfZJSUJSDLb4JmrfrimHlmAezRC_0pQQvRAtkH1mv_aO6mM3vDnQ9IX0/s1600/IMG_2978.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmG3Ueif2kL8_igDCYKeWLbobLJE079ePEtR2SSHOpcHWoSBfHYj8lDpCo6UFZpOhKBHbr7mJ6tEd8FgwSyqOmfZJSUJSDLb4JmrfrimHlmAezRC_0pQQvRAtkH1mv_aO6mM3vDnQ9IX0/s320/IMG_2978.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chairs on the HUGE wrap around porch!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvpoK8aG8GZhjS4TsVcLuDMWib_-bdId9NgwZaISA2YWYZohL6EfAM7D6sX1A8h3Yxf3pcddMZy2mmGclOFN6xNy9dFmSxwGLPH-8N5JzYJU6zKrlekQJknS712gdQoPrJ2dJxTHShlGY/s1600/IMG_2991.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvpoK8aG8GZhjS4TsVcLuDMWib_-bdId9NgwZaISA2YWYZohL6EfAM7D6sX1A8h3Yxf3pcddMZy2mmGclOFN6xNy9dFmSxwGLPH-8N5JzYJU6zKrlekQJknS712gdQoPrJ2dJxTHShlGY/s320/IMG_2991.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful chandelier inside our chalet!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqFm9PYmgfeOjy4OhADWcdmLyaTy4D0E3F0sIb6AdiyoucTKzFC9bPCNfaON1GxMYbRbQ9kD39I_QjyNig7enTyDs9ZevuaRIbHFl1ao82DDYiyC0ueu4J7O0baYwY0gogJyCfgVFmtmE/s1600/IMG_3001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqFm9PYmgfeOjy4OhADWcdmLyaTy4D0E3F0sIb6AdiyoucTKzFC9bPCNfaON1GxMYbRbQ9kD39I_QjyNig7enTyDs9ZevuaRIbHFl1ao82DDYiyC0ueu4J7O0baYwY0gogJyCfgVFmtmE/s320/IMG_3001.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some reading I enjoyed while I was there. You would be surprised how much reading you can get done with no TV, no internet and horrible cell service!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4p-abqVWcnzQyScfPTpR8TfdNx0agWPJnBuA0zpscU8QiwmMbpxZNpfFPJXDddGUjF6n-I8SV52BzKOd_AdRan-C3L_ZGVqxIG5A8QG8G8qFbjZMvS5j8cwCkSULaRWIcaSjl6vt4SKI/s1600/IMG_3018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4p-abqVWcnzQyScfPTpR8TfdNx0agWPJnBuA0zpscU8QiwmMbpxZNpfFPJXDddGUjF6n-I8SV52BzKOd_AdRan-C3L_ZGVqxIG5A8QG8G8qFbjZMvS5j8cwCkSULaRWIcaSjl6vt4SKI/s320/IMG_3018.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiodrDBcQMuNir2I56J69NahmQKBKchfxvoGia7KoWKgRWd8tFOeC2pA9MlV8_qKORsBwsVvBM2JvTa7zpJ2SNsWeQ1PcJ1uA516lV0-NJItf_rqL5Yg5V2AFUCDH5i5UTKeG0ShL9gkLo/s1600/IMG_3060.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiodrDBcQMuNir2I56J69NahmQKBKchfxvoGia7KoWKgRWd8tFOeC2pA9MlV8_qKORsBwsVvBM2JvTa7zpJ2SNsWeQ1PcJ1uA516lV0-NJItf_rqL5Yg5V2AFUCDH5i5UTKeG0ShL9gkLo/s320/IMG_3060.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another gorgeous chandelier.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_AgT2XdbNkqxEHeeWJMES4ZgD6j1Ij3SdPlzG2R6BmZGp7DJGakdp7HnWnTMlDIdB4zgOoTtZk3X63AF7HwHYGTalsWCzs1QqNXF9bXKjKBjN2Cd2y5EQ6mE82ejFsY_2TWlIgPXQX3I/s1600/IMG_3085.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_AgT2XdbNkqxEHeeWJMES4ZgD6j1Ij3SdPlzG2R6BmZGp7DJGakdp7HnWnTMlDIdB4zgOoTtZk3X63AF7HwHYGTalsWCzs1QqNXF9bXKjKBjN2Cd2y5EQ6mE82ejFsY_2TWlIgPXQX3I/s320/IMG_3085.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justin enjoying the fire.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Icicles on side of the mountain rock- even though it was well over 60 degrees in January!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We wound up in the Hamptons ;)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These police have their priorities straight!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXuxIpQT8B1tmVm0a-mHeEbJrb3XUI-PSdLscYmV9wqpc1MVpgrjYWFJAYUP6qV3Nzpyu6i0a4BvH2t24UcA69jVVWcIEBZudRxBVFhHBXoQUvCwMLJsyIyX3BRk4ijG4MAtjKGFSNH_o/s1600/IMG_3412.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXuxIpQT8B1tmVm0a-mHeEbJrb3XUI-PSdLscYmV9wqpc1MVpgrjYWFJAYUP6qV3Nzpyu6i0a4BvH2t24UcA69jVVWcIEBZudRxBVFhHBXoQUvCwMLJsyIyX3BRk4ijG4MAtjKGFSNH_o/s320/IMG_3412.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcX4fgxTYwbyi_YxOWHQ99pFw1HH-WY6uxxrCvHHcj-SBSanjoHfZJ966BHOwxtGszpIKHYasTZtF7zSrS5bc_y8tGiOEKrRItEyaukORjRhmm6pLtgQhP9QQtEkivcTLGL4__ul9ttHs/s1600/IMG_3448.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcX4fgxTYwbyi_YxOWHQ99pFw1HH-WY6uxxrCvHHcj-SBSanjoHfZJ966BHOwxtGszpIKHYasTZtF7zSrS5bc_y8tGiOEKrRItEyaukORjRhmm6pLtgQhP9QQtEkivcTLGL4__ul9ttHs/s320/IMG_3448.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Huge vine swings in the mountains- I felt like Tarzan!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The pond in front of our chalet.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1uoGL_DQ1J0SitomNK9r1LeyIqplJx9DIBnozf-kGsGeAw-TVRtePuQftAdPan9RRQdE4NFGwIRtHQ2cyS2yRBRTqBr8hZI0bn332f9_ep_ecZlEz09HhntCUEha1LP0_SdwFN_j598U/s1600/Observation+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1uoGL_DQ1J0SitomNK9r1LeyIqplJx9DIBnozf-kGsGeAw-TVRtePuQftAdPan9RRQdE4NFGwIRtHQ2cyS2yRBRTqBr8hZI0bn332f9_ep_ecZlEz09HhntCUEha1LP0_SdwFN_j598U/s320/Observation+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">THIS is why they are called the Smokies!</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: calibri, arial, verdana; font-size: 18px; text-align: left;">I lift up my eyes to the mountains—</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: calibri, arial, verdana; font-size: 18px; text-align: left;">where does my help come from?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: calibri, arial, verdana; font-size: 18px; text-align: left;">My help comes from the Lord,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: calibri, arial, verdana; font-size: 18px; text-align: left;">the Maker of heaven and earth.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: calibri, arial, verdana; font-size: 18px; text-align: left;">Psalms 121:1-2</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">He who forms the mountains, who creates the wind, and who reveals his thoughts to mankind, who turns dawn to darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth-- the LORD God Almighty is his name.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">Amos 4:13</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-44664278033287228842015-12-20T21:55:00.000-06:002015-12-20T22:22:01.618-06:00Merry Christmas.... From the police?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/382349_10153446918128305_6515886582631762787_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=9501ba021255e860c1de10d9393c3577&oe=572237C3" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/382349_10153446918128305_6515886582631762787_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=9501ba021255e860c1de10d9393c3577&oe=572237C3" width="240" /></a></div>
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We got a knock on our door at 9 PM tonight, after just getting back from (even more) Christmas shopping. I opened the door, and there was a Marshfield police officer standing there. At first I figured he was there about one of the addicts we work with ~ I thought maybe something had happened. He started talking to me and asked me if I remembered him ~ he took the report when our camping equipment was stolen this past summer. I invited him in, and figured they had found our camping equipment from this summer and were returning it. Ben came out of the bedroom and the officer began talking to both of us. </div>
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What happened next is honestly something I have never experienced in my life. He told us that they hadn't found the camping equipment, but he was there to wish us a marry Christmas, and apologized for coming so late. He started telling us that every year, the police department gives a card to people who are making a big impact on the community. He thanked us for everthing we do in the community (which is ironic coming from an officer and all HE does ~ I felt like I should be telling him that), and said the police department wanted to let us know that our efforts and work are appreciated and much needed, then he handed us a Christmas card from the police department and wished us a merry Christmas. He stayed for about ten minutes chatting, and kept thanking us over and over again for what we do.</div>
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We were, to put it lightly ~ speechless. Just when we were going through a time when we weren't sure if we were making enough of a difference, God sent a message to let us know that we are. We are so humbled and thankful ~ and it is an honor to be able to do what we do in the community for drug addicts, because God has put it on our hearts. The fact that God uses us to reach people despite how messed up are is something that we are thankful for every day, and that's why we give back. To be recognized for it is not expected, but it is very appreciated and gives us the stamina to keep going even when things get hard. Knowing that other people see what we sometimes can't keeps us focused on God's calling and the path we need to stay on. .</div>
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God is good, and he knows just when to send a pick me up to the weary. He knows how to encourage us in ways that no human could ever know. By the way, God sure has a sense of humor. Ten years ago, if the police were knocking on my door at 9pm (or at all for that matter), it would have been to arrest me. In fact, I probably would have ran as soon as I opened the door. To have a uniformed officer hand deliver a Christmas card and thank us for our work in the community is a hilarious display of just how much God can change your circumstances. He is good ~ he is SO good! Trust me when I say that he can change your life in an instant beyond your wildest dreams! From being a drug addicted criminal to working alongside the police force and getting Christmas cards hand delivered by them ~ God can do far beyond what we could ever ask or think!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-19667042532642024672015-12-10T15:45:00.004-06:002015-12-10T15:59:57.223-06:00The last time....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am one of those mothers who stills sees my 3 year old son as "my baby". To me, he is still little. I am one of those mothers who did "attachment parenting"- breastfeeding, holding and comforting him when he cries instead of trying to "toughen him up", I am almost NEVER away from him (in fact, he is going with me and my husband on a marriage retreat next month even though it was recommended that we get a sitter because I just can't bear the thought of parting from him that long), and he slept in our bed with us for his first year, and still does sometimes now. I carried him everywhere when he was an infant, and refused to let him "cry it out". People would tell me to let him grow up, but I cherished those baby moments. Due to the fact that there is a ten year age gap between him and my next youngest child, I am very aware that the baby stage passes all too quickly, and I wanted to hang onto every moment that I could. And I still do.</div>
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This past weekend, he went with his dad to an indoor water park for the day. He was fearless, going down huge water slides by himself, jumping into the pool with no hesitation. My husband talked about how big he seemed at the waterpark, but I had stayed home to do homework for school. I blew it off- surely he couldn't have grown THAT much since the last time we had him at the pool a few weeks ago. I know he's getting bigger, but he is still a baby. He is fighting for independence, yet he is still dependent on his mommy and daddy. He still wants good night kisses, he still wants to be held and cuddled, he still wants to mommy to kiss his boo-boos. He's not past the baby phase- I was sure of it. My husband sees him as a little boy because he is raising him to be a man. But he will always be a baby to his mommy.</div>
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Then I took him to the pool yesterday. He normally jumps off of the edge of the pool into my arms in the water. But yesterday, he didn't. In fact, when I put my arms out to catch him, he walked away from me and cannonballed in by himself. It was such a bittersweet moment. I was so proud of my son and the little boy he is becoming, yet I was mourning the loss of my baby. What is an exciting new stage for him, is a stage of letting go for me. My mind raced with thoughts- the last time he jumped into my arms in the pool, I took it for granted. I didn't realize it was the last time. I was sure there would be more times, that he would stay in that phase of needing me to calm his fears awhile longer. He would need me to catch I'm a little longer. If I had known that it would have been the last time, I would have cherished it more.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5NT9lv3JtlNsFf7Eabn1ot7RF6olAqhttK5jgzcixX7fzWrjAM1GD7dqiojhdy_kJ-gP6PB-Xmmt58rAuoV9mNPvwcW-JLV5rB_UG0Mh2_mpgmSH9sHW8u0JZOmVj0w2e_yL_SZCY0FY/s1600/holdhim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5NT9lv3JtlNsFf7Eabn1ot7RF6olAqhttK5jgzcixX7fzWrjAM1GD7dqiojhdy_kJ-gP6PB-Xmmt58rAuoV9mNPvwcW-JLV5rB_UG0Mh2_mpgmSH9sHW8u0JZOmVj0w2e_yL_SZCY0FY/s320/holdhim.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I thought of all of the "last times" I have already gone through with him. The last time he breastfed. The last time he crawled. The last time I had him strapped into a baby carrier on my body. The last time he had is amazingly striking troll hair that stuck straight up for his head from the time he was born until he was about 7 months old. The last time I carried him in a baby carrier car seat. The last time I gave him a bottle. The last time he innocently looked up at me and gave me a baby coo. So many last times, so many cherished memories. I didn't realize those were a last time either, until they were gone. I am so glad that we took the advice of so many who told us to take tons of pictures while he was a baby. We have close to 20,000 pictures of him in his first three years. We have a way to remember some of the last times- or at least some of the stages. But you never really realize it's the last time until it's too late. Until there's a new "first time." <br />
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I realize that there will be more "last times", and now I am more prepared. I am cherishing every moment with my little boy. God has blessed us so tremendously with the ability to be parents the right way a second time, after failing our first set of kids. We have been given a tremendous gift to experience all of these first and last times with our little boy. I realize that each one of these days, each one of these last times, is a gift. A gift that you can't get back once it's gone. My husband and I were talking the other day about how he is 1/6 the way to being an adult already. 1/6 of his life has passed, and eventually he will be 18 and out of our home, and I will miss all of the noise, all of the chaos, all of the toys on the floor, all of the hanging on my legs and not being able to go to the bathroom by myself without him following me in there. And once that happens, I will miss it. As hard as it can be to be a parent from day to day, once that time with your child is gone, it is forever mourned. I remember when the infant stage felt like it would never end. The nights of no sleep, constant breastfeeding, and dealing with crying seemed endless. Yet now that they are gone, I miss them so much. I vow to start taking life slower to enjoy these times with my little guy, before they are gone for good. Cleaning the house and getting straight A's on every paper can wait. This time is precious like no other, and there is no "redo" button. I vow to cherish each stage that he is in, regardless of the trials and struggles- because one day it will be over, and I will miss it. I vow to thank God for this little man in every moment, even when he is testing my patients and I feel like I no longer have an identity as an individual person- but only as Justin's mommy.<br />
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Because "Justin's mommy" is absolutely the greatest title I could ever have. Lest I forget it when I lose my patients, I will think about all of his "last times," and how this stage that seems like it will never end one day will, and I will miss it. I vow that I will be more prepared for the next "last time"- as much as a parent can possibly be prepared for it- and I vow to be thankful for all of the "first times."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-5267431999714372912015-11-24T16:19:00.003-06:002015-11-24T21:42:44.311-06:00Silence that's deafening. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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This week has been one where silence has spoken extremely loudly. You never really know just how loud silence actually is until you are unwillingly stuck in it. The sound of grief, of fear, of the unknown, can truly speak louder than words ever could. You can<i> feel</i> silence, while words are fleeting. </div>
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This week I went the funeral of a gorgeous, perfect 2 month old baby. Her parents led our small group for years, and they are truly good people. As I sat in the church during the service, looking at her perfect little body in the casket, the weight of silence- of stillness- became very apparent. My heart broke for her family. What they would give to have noise instead of silence- baby coos, laughter, and crying- instead of the overwhelming weight of quietness. There are no words that anyone could ever say that will speak louder than the void of not having their baby girl there. </div>
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It was an emotional day for me, not only because I was at the funeral of an infant- which is emotionally draining on anyone- but because I don't do well with funerals to begin with. I've been to too many. Too many of people that I was extremely close with- who meant the world to me. Every time I find myself in another funeral, I start envisioning the next one- worrying when I am going to be sitting in those chairs again. Terrified of whose body is going to be in the casket next time. Sometimes death comes with no warning- no clue that anything is wrong, no reason to think that the person that died would have ever been in a casket before you are- like this precious baby girl. But sometimes death comes more slowly. People struggle with long term illnesses and health problems where you can start to prepare yourself for their end. I have grieved both kinds of deaths, and honestly I'm not sure which is worse. </div>
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I found myself starting to worry about my husband during this funeral. My husband has chronic health issues, and the thought of him dying before me is almost too much to bear. But, in all reality, that is probably the way it is going to happen. I started hyperventilating and crying over my husband's future death. I started to feel the weight of grief that I have felt so many times before- the same grief this baby girl's parents were feeling at that very moment. I fear death- not for myself- but for the people I love. I don't want to be left to live without them. I've done it too many times before. When you have had so many people that you love dearly die on you, you can't help but worry about who the next one is going to be. I don't know if it's a defense mechanism to prepare myself for it, or a way to try and brace myself so I don't feel it quite as hard- but dwelling on thoughts like that are not a good way to live. It robs you of the joy in the present when you are constantly worried about the future. </div>
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I had to force myself to snap out of it. I had to remind myself that God is in control of ALL things- from the time we are born until the time we take our last breath. I kept repeating Romans 8:28 to myself: ALL things work together for the good of those who love God. When my husband's time does come, it will be in God's control, and He will continue to take care of me the same way he has done my entire life. He will be there for me in the valley of the shadow of death the same way He has been in the past. God is faithful, and I had to cast down the thoughts that were coming into my mind from satan- telling me I would be abandoned, not cared for, that my life would be ruined, that God wouldn't see me through it. That's not the truth. Fear is not from God, and I have known God long enough to know that he has a reason for everything that happens, and that He <i>WILL</i> work it out for my good. Like when my fiancé committed suicide. I remember very vividly staring at his casket during his wake, thinking how things were really messed up now. My life was over. There was no fixing <i>this</i>. Yet, years later, it turned out that his death was the very thing that pushed me to the point that I was desperate enough to surrender to God, and he saved me. It's what allowed God to break me out of my addiction. It's what allowed me to share hope with other people who are going through the same thing. It's what ultimately saved my life- though you would have never been able to convince me that any good would come out of it at that moment I was staring at the man I was supposed to marry in a casket. </div>
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I brushed my fear of my husband dying off. It's part of the PTSD that still pops its head up every once in awhile from Dave dying. We have too much work to do- too many lives to touch- for God to take him now. I know that. But then, the day after the baby's funeral, we were having dinner with friends at our home, and my husband started having chest pains. I had him chew an aspirin, and he waited another 15 minutes, but the pain got worse. Our friend Chris drove him to the emergency room, while I stayed here with my sleeping baby. A million thoughts started rushing through my head. Was yesterday at the funeral a warning? Was God trying to prepare me for something? Was he warning me? I started to truly panic. The thought of my husband dying- of my son growing up without a father- became much too real. The day before I convinced myself that it was me getting myself worked up, my PTSD resurfacing, my mind playing tricks on me, satan putting thoughts in my head to get me to fear. But this, <i>this</i> was real. </div>
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Three days and batteries of tests later, there was still no concrete answer about what was wrong with my husband. Silence. Deafening silence. Silence so loud, that all I could hear were my fears. As I sat in my quiet home at night while the baby was sleeping, the void of my husband not being here became overwhelming. No late night conversations, no dinners together, no watching our favorite tv series together to wind down at the end of the day. The house was void of the sound of him snoring, the sound of him laughing, the sound of him singing his praise songs to God. Just the sound of..... nothingness. A void where my husband used to be. It started to drive me crazy.</div>
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But then, I had to re-center myself. I had to remember that I know who God is, and that no matter what happens, God is in control. I recalled the words of a very wise woman- my Pastora from Milwaukee- when her husband Pastor Cano died. I remember telling her that I was so sorry this had happened, and that I didn't know why it had to happen. She looked me straight in the eye and said "Oh no, I don't question God. God is still good, and He knows why." What a woman of strength! I found myself taking solace in those words. God forbid, if my husband were to die- I have to always remember that God is God, and I am not. That He is good, even when the circumstances are bad. I have to rest in the fact that no matter what happens in my life- good or bad- I am God's child, and he will take care of me. I have to remember that my trust is not in men- not even my husband- but God alone. He is the God who gives and takes away, and he sees things that we can't. Satan wants me to fear the unknown. I am determined to not allow him that control over me. Sometimes you just need to step back from your emotions, and step into God's truth. To remember that God has been faithful in the past, and will continue to be. To remember that God knows our every sorrow, our grief, our fear, our hurt, our loneliness- and He is there with us in it. </div>
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God is faithful. My husband is coming home today. I am going to pick him up in half an hour. He has to have a procedure done next month to fix some stuff going on in his heart- and I am trusting God with that. I am trusting God that my husband will be alive until the exact second that God's infinite wisdom says otherwise. My prayers were answered, but that's not always the case. There will come a day when my husband does die, and I will need to cling to God all the more. But for now, the silence in my home is about to be lifted, and I will have the laughter and snoring of my husband back. Glorious sounds. Sounds that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Sounds I much prefer over silence.</div>
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Not that silence is a bad thing. Sometimes, when things are the quietest, God will speak to you the loudest. When things are falling apart around you, you can trust that God is there speaking to you, telling you not to fear. The most spiritual growing times in my life have been in devastating times of silence. God will use EVERYTHING- even the heartbreaking, silent times- for good. I am not knocking the silence. But for now, I am SO grateful for the noise, and appreciating it in all its glory.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-20418423220307733982015-11-12T21:04:00.001-06:002015-11-12T21:07:43.409-06:00Anointed to preach liberty to the captives....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b>LUKE 4:18-19</b></div>
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<b>THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME, BECAUSE HE ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE POOR. HE HAS SENT ME TO PROCLAIM RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES, AND RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND, TO SET FREE THOSE WHO ARE OPPRESSED, TO PROCLAIM THE FAVORABLE YEAR OF THE LORD."…</b></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our prison ministry crew at Jackson Correctional Institution.</td></tr>
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This past weekend, my husband and I had the privilege to give our testimonies to inmates in Jackson Correctional Institution with a local group that does prison ministry. The trip was truly God ordained, and the spiritual impact on both the inmates and ourselves was something that we weren't prepared for. I left in total awe of God, and with a renewed fire in my spirit, and the inmates there had more or an impact on me than they will ever know. </div>
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People have asked us before if we had ever considered doing prison ministry, and it was something that we were very interested in, but quite honestly weren't sure if we were going to be able to do. With both my husband and I being former addicts, we were positive that we would never be given clearance to go into prisons. On top of that, we have so much going on as it is, we were questioning if we had the ability to take on another aspect of ministry. However, our hearts were strong for people in prison- those who are isolated, alone, and hopeless- much like drug addicts are during their addictions. In fact, up to 85% of the prison population in fact have addiction and mental health issues.</div>
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The tug on our hearts for those and prison kept getting stronger and stronger, and then we were approached and asked if we would go along with a group from another church in town to give our testimonies. The leaders of the group know our stories, and thought we could really give hope to the inmates. So we agreed to try. We filled out the paperwork to get cleared to go in, and waited for what we knew would be a rejection letter saying that we were a security risk. Because of our addiction backgrounds, we both have criminal histories, and my husband was actually IN the prison 16 years ago that we were going to visit. Surely that HAD to be a security issue. We waited, and were given the word that we were CLEARED by the department of corrections to come in for prison ministry. I was floored. God was opening doors that logically shouldn't have been open. We took that as a very clear sign that God wanted us to go and share our stories of hope and freedom through Jesus to a group of men who have lived lives very similar to ours.</div>
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It was obvious that God wanted us to go. But, as anyone in ministry knows, the devil was not going to let it go out without a hitch. First, our applications got lost, and we had to send them in two more times. Then, we weren't able to find a babysitter for our son, so we had to drive 3 1/2 hours one way to drop him off with family for the weekend. On top of that, it was made VERY CLEAR that we HAD to have a valid state issued I.D. during check in at the prison, or we would not be allowed in. The day before, I made sure that my I.D. was in my purse so that we would be all set to leave at 5:30 A.M. In the morning, as we were getting ready to leave to grab some quick breakfast before the trip, I double checked my purse, and low and behold, my I.D. was gone. My husband and I ripped the house apart looking for it. Two minutes before we had to meet with the ministry team to leave, we still hadn't found it. I started crying and told my husband to go alone, because there was no way they were going to let me in. He responded that he wasn't going to leave me, because we are a team. He grabbed my birth certificate, social security card and marriage certificate as well as my college I.D. in a desperate hope that they would let me in with that, and said that we would have to trust God to get me in. </div>
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We met up with the ministry team, who was taking everyone on their ministry bus up there. We followed in our car, in case I couldn't get in and we had to leave early, or so that I would have somewhere to sit outside of the prison while the rest of the team was ministering. Once we were about a block away from the prison (after an hour and a half), Ben noticed that there was a purse in our back seat. It belonged to an addict that we had taken somewhere the day before, and had been over at our house. He told me that maybe I should check her purse, just in case she had taken the I.D., in one last ditch attempt to try and get in. I opened her purse, and I didn't find my I.D., but I DID find a baggie with white residue on it. I smelled it, and realized it was heroin. I said "Ben, look at this!", and he started freaking out. He said "Oh no, you have to go past the drug dogs in prison and now you have heroin residue on your hands! They are going to hit on you and think you are trying to smuggle stuff in!" JUST GREAT. Now there was ABSOLUTELY no way I was getting in. We pulled over, I threw the baggie away, and I scrubbed my hands in the bathroom, desperately praying that all of the smell came off (WOW- is the devil SCANDELOUS or what? He will do ANYTHING to try and stop God!)</div>
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We finally got to the prison, and the crew got checked in and went through the metal detector. My husband went up, he showed them his driver's license, and then he gave them my papers and went into the story about how I had lost my I.D. that morning. The very unfriendly looking guard glanced at the papers skeptically, looked at my husband, and then said "are you SERIOUS?" My heart sank. No way was this going to work. The fact that they had even let us in there with our backgrounds was pushing it, but now I was trying to come in with no identification? Oh well, at least we tried. But then, he looked at me and said "do you REALLY think that I am going to check you that hard when you are coming in here to do ministry? We did an extensive background check. You're good."</div>
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<b>I couldn't believe it. God had literally opened the prison doors for us to be able to go in.</b> </div>
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That's when the true excitement started. We were really here- and it was obvious that God wanted us here. I knew that something amazing was going to happen in that prison that day. Little did I know just how amazing it would be. We met with the Chaplin, and he gave us a rundown on how things were going to go, what we could and couldn't do, safety protocols and so on. There were three inmates there when we got there. I thought "well, at least there's three! These are the three that are supposed to be here!" Slowly, though, they started filtering in, and we ended up with at LEAST 80 men in there. </div>
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We started with prayer followed by praise and worship. The worship left me absolutely astounded. These men in prison- a dark, hopeless place that some of them were never going to come out of- these men who had absolutely nothing, had lost their freedom, their families, all of their material possessions- were praising God with a fire and passion that I have NEVER seen from a congregation during a Sunday morning church service on the outside. Shouting, raising their hands, jumping up and down- their voices booming, arms raised, with no fear of what anyone thought of them. They were worshipping God with their entire hearts and complete abandon. These men who had NOTHING but Jesus were satisfied with it- while those of us that have everything we need and then some sit in pews on Sunday and can't be bothered to raise our hands and worship God. It made me ashamed of Christians on the outside that are SO blessed in many ways, yet are no where near as in love with God as these men that are alone behind prison walls. We complain so much when we are so blessed, while these men are ecstatically grateful just because God gave them breath and broke their chains- even though they're in prison. They were free from any spirit of religion. They were worshipping God for who he is, not because they needed to make sure that people saw them in church.</div>
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After that, we had a morning of teaching and testimonies by the ministry crew. My husband and I were giving our testimonies after lunch, so we really got to enjoy the morning and bask in the light of God that was shining in that place. During the break, there were multiple men that came up to my husband that knew him from when he had been in prison 16 years ago, and they were so grateful that he was there. Most people who leave prison don't come back. He, however, knew that the impact of his story- that he had been in the EXACT seats that they were sitting in, could resonate with them in a way that other people's stories couldn't. The look of hope on their faces were soul melting. That my husband not only came back to minister to them- but was coming back a Godly, married man who God had redeemed by totally turning his life around, giving him a second chance at being a father, and using his past for GOOD for others who are going through the same thing was something that they absolutely needed to hear. He was there to tell them that their stories aren't over. In fact, it was just the beginning. Just like it was for him. To hear someone give a testimony is one thing, but to have KNOWN someone and then see the changes in them speaks louder than words. </div>
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During lunch, we ate the prison food and ate WITH the trustee prisoners. They all shared their stories about how they got to prison, and how they had come to find God. These men were nothing short of AMAZING. You could see that God was using them as a light in the prison for those who were still lost. They had so much hope. Such a stark comparison to Christians on the outside- Christians whose hope in God gets dashed when a prayer isn't answered the way they want it to be. Christians who go through the motions of being a Christian but won't be bothered to live it out outside of church. Christians who seem like the walking dead compared to the fire that is within these men. It was truly a humbling experience. I can honestly say, some of the greatest Christians that I have ever met are currently incarcerated. The ones that society labels as "bad", have a leg up on Christians on the outside. </div>
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My testimony was the second to last session of the day. As I got up and walked to the podium, I scanned the room. I looked- <em>REALLY</em> looked- into the faces of all the men staring back at me. I have given my hour long (condensed version!) testimony dozens of times in front of people, but I really wanted to connect with these guys. Men are hard to read as it is, but men in prison- where emotions are even LESS acceptable than for men in society- are really hard to read. I honestly wasn't sure if my testimony was going to have an impact on them. I knew they would be able to relate- but I wasn't sure if it would actually emotionally get to them. I needed to connect with them emotionally so that they knew just how lost I was before I found Jesus. How much of a hard case. How desperate. How out of options. I needed them to know so that they could see themselves in my story, and see themselves in the hope in my story that I found in Jesus. Sometimes, people can get so used to pastors and ministers and teachers giving bible studies and sermons that they can tune them out. Especially if they feel like they haven't been through the same amount of junk. I remember before I was saved, thinking "yeah, of course God saved you, Mr. Preacher man. What, did you say a cuss word once when you were 16? That's easy to forgive. But when you do the sort of things I have done- the things drug addicts do- that's a different story. It's hard to believe that God wants anything to do with <em>that</em>." I needed to let these guys know that I had been exactly where they had been, and that God did in fact want something to do with <em>THAT</em>. That he wanted something to do with them. If I could be saved and forgiven, anyone could.</div>
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When I started speaking, I am positive that they thought I was a "church person." A good person who had grown up in the church and was just coming to share the love of Jesus with them. I started off telling them how I just graduated college, have a family, do outreach ministry, and have a pretty good life now. But, I told them, it wasn't always like that. I was in the hell of drug addiction for years before Jesus saved me from it. I then went into my hour long testimony about where I came from, what my life was like before God, how desperate and broken and lost I was. I talked about all of the things I had done, all of the people I had hurt, all of the crimes I had committed. I talked about all my failures, all of the people who gave up on me, and how hopeless I was. I laid my soul bare, with no pretense, no hiding any part of me, no covering things up to look like a good Christian. For me, the power of my testimony is in the gory details. It's in the story of just how awful I was, so that the contrast can be seen to what Jesus has made me. It's letting people know that I was the worst of the worst, and that there is hope for them. It's showing people that you are never too far gone or have messed things up to the point where God can turn your life into what he wants it to become. That is my husband and I's calling, and why we are able to tell people about all of the junk in our pasts- because that is where God's glory is seen. The darker it is, the brighter the light shines. We tell people about our darkness so that they can see how different things are in the light. </div>
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I scanned the audience again as I finished my testimony, and saw at least ten men crying. When it ended, I was given a standing ovation by all of the prisoners. I was surprised, to say the least. Afterwards, I had many of the men come up to me and shake my hand and talk to me and thank me for coming, talk about how it related to their lives, how it gave them hope, and about how their situations were similar to mine. A HUGE (6;5!)guy came up to me, thanked me, and told me that I had both of the guys next to him crying, and that it was quite a feat since they were "hard dudes" (his words, not mine!). The Chaplin came up to me and asked if I would ever be willing to come back and speak with an AODA group, because my testimony had cracked them. It had gotten through the walls that they have spent so much of their lives building. God used my story to show them that there is hope for the hopeless. There is freedom for prisoners. To show that God loves drug addicts and criminals just as much as the person who has been good all of their lives or the pastor that preaches every Sunday morning. He redeems and forgives and restores and empowers no matter what you have done. It is never too late. </div>
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The ministry team walked out of the prison doors that day, and we went back to our normal lives- but I have not been able to stop thinking about those men. About how they touched me, and about how God had used me to touch them- and what a humbling experience it was to be able to be used to spread hope. I broke down into tears of joy and gratitude when I started thinking about when all of the horrible, painful, loneliness of my past was happening- I didn't understand it and thought that God didn't care. But walking into that prison and seeing God use that same painful past to help someone else reminded me that He was there with me all along, even when I didn't know it. Knowing that I didn't go through it for no reason- but to help others- reminds me of how good God is and how blessed I am to be loved by Him. Knowing that I once lived in the darkness, but now I help bring God's light to the darkness, just floors me. God is good, He is faithful, and He is there through it all. I am humbled, and I am in awe of His goodness and His ways- and I can't wait to see where He will have me going next. </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379117453845181236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8544555138158548879.post-33081960415225054932015-10-26T16:36:00.001-05:002015-10-26T16:52:15.891-05:00My Ugly heart and marriage as a mirror.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have to be honest. Having a broken foot the past three weeks has been a nightmare. Not so much for me, but for my husband. I am not the easiest person to live with normally anyway- but add in some broken limbs, an inability to do much for myself, and the frustration of not being able to accomplish what I want, and I can truly be a lot to handle. </div>
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The truth is, I still have a perfectionist spirit that likes to rear it's ugly head. I have worked hard over the years to give it over to God, but it is very much a stronghold in my life. I will do okay for awhile, and then something will happen where I feel the need to take control back. For whatever reason, it always seems to happen at the worst possible times. The biggest struggle with my foot being broken is that I can't clean the way I'm used to. I can only stand for so long, and there are only certain things that I can do when I CAN stand. I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and like a failure when I try to keep things in perfect order. What a joke that is with a broken foot, and a VERY energetic two year old. My husband has been amazing during the whole thing. He has picked up the slack. He has managed to keep the house clean and in order, and Justin alive. He has driven me everywhere I need to go, helped me in and out of the bathtub, and makes sure that we are all fed, and it has not been easy on him. He has numerous health issues, and my foot being broken is making it harder on him health-wise. He has put his life on hold and pushed his commitments aside to help take care of me. </div>
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Surely ANY wife would be grateful. But not me. God has really convicted me that I have not been very nice to my husband through this whole process. It could be a combination of the pain, the frustration, and the perfectionism. But more than that, it's because I have issues. Spiritual issues. I am not as grateful as I should be, not as nice as I should be, not as thankful as I should be. I have a lot going on spiritually right now, and my husband is the one who gets the brunt of it. He is the one in the line of fire when I lash out. He is the one who gets the worst of me, while everyone else gets my best, and that's not fair to him.</div>
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I think God uses marriage as a mirror, so that we can truly see ourselves. People that we work with, ,do ministry with, or go to church with usually only see our good sides. The sides we want to show them. We can hide all of the ugly parts- all of the things within us that are not so pretty, not so nice, not so presentable. Our spouses get all of our baggage, our character defects, our bad habits, our struggles, our fears, our doubts, our frustrations. We are so close to them that we can't hide or deny these things- and I think that's why God designed marriage the way He did. He uses our spouse to be a mirror to things in our life that God wants us to fix. Things that God sees, even if no one else does. It's hard to think that you're doing well when you just screamed at your poor husband that spent all afternoon doing the laundry because you tripped over a shoe in the floor that he didn't pick up. Your own shoe at that. When things like that happen, my need for God is glaringly obvious.</div>
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That's what God wants. He wants me to see where I am weak spiritually, so that I can go to Him and have him heal it. As long as we deny that there is a problem, we can't fix it. My poor attitude towards my husband reminds me that I desperately need the only one who can fix me. My husband can't fulfill me, as much as he tries. Only God can do that. When I start expecting my husband to live up to ridiculously high, God like standards, I have a problem. I need to be going to God with my frustrations and hurts, not trying to deal with them on my own in my flesh and wounding my poor innocent husband in the process.</div>
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God has brought me a long way from where I was, but I am still messed up. We all are, aren't we? Sometimes I just feel like I am extra messed up because of how TOTALLY messed up I was when God found me. He has done miraculous changes in my life, but I still have a long way to go. Just ask my husband. When he said his vows, he took them seriously. More seriously than I could ever really expect anyone to. Deal with me until you die? Now THAT'S commitment!</div>
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The thing is, he knew what he was getting into. He knew I was messed up. He knew I had issues and flaws, and he made a commitment to love me until death anyway. He vowed to stand by me in sickness and health, for better or for worse, til death do us part- and he has paid his dues. Marriage is hard. Infatuation is easy. My husband's true love sees the ugly, broken, insecure pieces of me, and loves me anyway. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to pretend to have it all together. He loves me with a love that lets me know that I am safe. I can freak out over tripping over my own shoe and blaming him for it, and he won't leave. No amount of craziness can drive him away. It can be dangerous to be vulnerable and let your flaws be known to people, for there is always the chance that they will use them against you. Marriage, however, requires vulnerability. It requires trust on such a deep level to know the ugly parts of yourself won't be used against you, and that you can truly be yourself- the good, the bad, and the ugly- and your spouse will love ALL of you. The worst parts of my heart are safe with him. He knows the true me- all of me. Not just the sides I want to show. He knows me as a whole, and yet he still loves me for it. The craziness of all that is me is still worth it to him in the end.</div>
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Just like God. God sees the deepest, darkest areas of my heart, and he loves me anyway. Nothing I can do or say will ever be able to drive Him away, or get Him to stop loving me. My heart- all of it- is safe with Him. He saw me at my darkest, much darker than even my husband has seen. Yet Holy God wanted my ugly heart. He wants me to understand the broken parts of my heart that are there, so I can give them to Him to mend. He vowed to never leave or forsake me, no matter what. Much like my husband.</div>
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My husband truly is one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me. He has loved me in a way that no one else in my life ever has. Even when I don't deserve it. Thank God for mirrors. Now if you'd excuse me, I have some apologizing to do. </div>
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