Friday, October 16, 2015

What I lose sleep over...

God grants his beloved sleep. I know it's true because it says so in the bible. I'd like to think of myself as God’s beloved. Scratch that. I KNOW I'm God’s beloved. So why am I wide awake at  2 am, even though I've had an exhausting day? Even though I've had an exhausting month? I come home every day with the anticipation of going to bed early. I truly have good intentions. Yet, here I sit. Awake. Again.

I could blame it on the five cups of coffee drank today. Or the shiny new phone I got this afternoon that has over stimulated my brain with the unnatural light. Or the horrible, throbbing  pain in my broken foot. But the reality is that the reason I'm awake is much more than that. And this is not an isolated incident. Most nights I struggle to sleep, wake up exhausted the next day, and then do it all over again.

If I'm honest, the reason I can't sleep is because of my brain. I sit up at night over analyzing the events of the day, the events of the past, the unknown events of the future. I plan and I regret and I worry. I take on things that were never intended for me to take on. I take on things that only God can handle. I try to figure out a way to control things outside of him. And it robs me of my peace. It robs  me of my sleep. It robs  me of my intimacy  with God ~ who wants nothing more than for me to give all of my cares  and worries to him, trust him with them, and leave them there.

The thing is, I know God is faithful. I know he always comes through. He's done it my entire life, and will continue to until the day I die. Yet sometimes, the cares of this world consume me. If I focus on life and all of its issues instead of focusing on God and his faithfulness, it becomes very easy to think I need to come up with a solution myself. What you focus on really does consume you. The busyness of my life sometimes leaves little room for God, and it messes up my focus. When Peter walked  out of the boat and onto the water, he was stable as long as he fixed his gaze on Jesus. As  soon as he started looking at the wind and waves and the circumstances around him, he fell. He focused on the elements instead of the one that controlled them, and it cost him.

Jesus says that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. He wants us to be at peace, to rest, and to abide in him alone. But it's up to us to trade our burdens for his. To give him out troubled thoughts and anxieties. Sometimes it feels good to keep them ourselves, to not bother God with the trivial aspects of our life. The creator of the universe has important things to do.

It's important to remember that to him, WE are the important things. He cares about every detail of our lives. He wants us to give him all of the pieces and trust that he'll put them all together the way they need to be. It really is to much for us to bear. We were never intended to do God's job ~ and if we try, we will end up losing sleep.

Admitting it is the first step. Now, I'm off to read my Bible, pray, and rest in the fact that  HE WANT TO GIVE ME REST. Hopefully that happens before  3 am. But if not, there's always tomorrow!