Anointed to preach liberty to the captives....

LUKE 4:18-19

THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME, BECAUSE HE ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE POOR. HE HAS SENT ME TO PROCLAIM RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES, AND RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND, TO SET FREE THOSE WHO ARE OPPRESSED, TO PROCLAIM THE FAVORABLE YEAR OF THE LORD."…

Our prison ministry crew at Jackson Correctional Institution.

This past weekend, my husband and I had the privilege to give our testimonies to inmates in Jackson Correctional Institution with a local group that does prison ministry. The trip was truly God ordained, and the spiritual impact on both the inmates and ourselves was something that we weren't prepared for. I left in total awe of God, and with a renewed fire in my spirit, and the inmates there had more or an impact on me than they will ever know.

People have asked us before if we had ever considered doing prison ministry, and it was something that we were very interested in, but quite honestly weren't sure if we were going to be able to do. With both my husband and I being former addicts, we were positive that we would never be given clearance to go into prisons. On top of that, we have so much going on as it is, we were questioning if we had the ability to take on another aspect of ministry. However, our hearts were strong for people in prison- those who are isolated, alone, and hopeless- much like drug addicts are during their addictions. In fact, up to 85% of the prison population in fact have addiction and mental health issues.

The tug on our hearts for those and prison kept getting stronger and stronger, and then we were approached and  asked if we would go along with a group from another church in town to give our testimonies. The leaders of the group know our stories, and thought we could really give hope to the inmates. So we agreed to try. We filled out the paperwork to get cleared to go in, and waited for what we knew would be a rejection letter saying that we were a security risk. Because of our addiction backgrounds, we both have criminal histories, and my husband was actually IN the prison 16 years ago that we were going to visit. Surely that HAD to be a security issue. We waited,  and were given the word that we were CLEARED by the department of corrections to come in for prison ministry. I was floored. God was opening doors that logically shouldn't have been open. We took that as a very clear sign that God wanted us to go and share our stories of hope and freedom through Jesus to a group of men who have lived lives very similar to ours.

It was obvious that God wanted us to go. But, as anyone in ministry knows, the devil was not going to let it go out without a hitch. First, our applications got lost, and we had to send them in two more times. Then, we weren't able to find a babysitter for our son, so we had to drive 3 1/2 hours one way to drop him off with family for the weekend. On top of that, it was made VERY CLEAR that we HAD to have a valid state issued I.D. during check in at the prison, or we would not be allowed in. The day before, I made sure that my I.D. was in my purse so that we would be all set to leave at 5:30 A.M.  In the morning, as we were getting ready to leave to grab some quick breakfast before the trip, I double checked my purse, and low and behold, my I.D. was gone. My husband and I ripped the house apart looking for it. Two minutes before we had to meet with the ministry team to leave, we still hadn't found it. I started crying and told my husband to go alone, because there was no way they were going to let me in. He responded that he wasn't going to leave me, because we are a team. He grabbed my birth certificate, social security card and marriage certificate as well as my college I.D. in a desperate hope that they would let me in with that, and said that we would have to trust God to get me in.

We met up with the ministry team, who was taking everyone on their ministry bus up there. We followed in our car, in case I couldn't get in and we had to leave early, or so that I would have somewhere to sit outside of the prison while the rest of the team was ministering. Once we were about a block away from the prison (after an hour and a half), Ben noticed that there was a purse in our back seat. It belonged to an addict that we had taken somewhere the day before, and had been over at our house. He told me that maybe I should check her purse, just in case she had taken the I.D., in one last ditch attempt to try and get in. I opened her purse, and I didn't find my I.D., but I DID find a baggie with white residue on it. I smelled it, and realized it was heroin. I said "Ben, look at this!", and he started freaking out. He said "Oh no, you have to go past the drug dogs in prison and now you have heroin residue on your hands! They are going to hit on you and think you are trying to smuggle stuff in!" JUST GREAT. Now there was ABSOLUTELY no way I was getting in. We pulled over, I threw the baggie away, and I scrubbed my hands in the bathroom, desperately praying that all of the smell came off (WOW- is the devil SCANDELOUS or what? He will do ANYTHING to try and stop God!)

We finally got to the prison, and the crew got checked in and went through the metal detector. My husband went up, he showed them his driver's license, and then he gave them my papers and went into the story about how I had lost my I.D. that morning. The very unfriendly looking guard glanced at the papers skeptically, looked at my husband, and then said "are you SERIOUS?" My heart sank. No way was this going to work. The fact that they had even let us in there with our backgrounds was pushing it, but now I was trying to come in with no identification? Oh well, at least we tried. But then, he looked at me and said "do you REALLY think that I am going to check you that hard when you are coming in here to do ministry? We did an extensive background check. You're good."

I couldn't believe it. God had literally opened the prison doors for us to be able to go in.

That's when the true excitement started. We were really here- and it was obvious that God wanted us here. I knew that something amazing was going to happen in that prison that day. Little did I know just how amazing it would be. We met with the Chaplin, and he gave us a rundown on how things were going to go, what we could and couldn't do, safety protocols and so on. There were three inmates there when we got there. I thought "well, at least there's three! These are the three that are supposed to be here!" Slowly, though, they started filtering in, and we ended up with at LEAST 80 men in there.

We started with prayer followed by praise and worship. The worship left me absolutely astounded. These men in prison- a dark, hopeless place that some of them were never going to come out of- these men who had absolutely nothing, had lost their freedom, their families, all of their material possessions- were praising God with a fire and passion that I have NEVER seen from a congregation during a Sunday morning church service on the outside. Shouting, raising their hands, jumping up and down- their voices booming, arms raised, with no fear of what anyone thought of them. They were worshipping God with their entire hearts and complete abandon. These men who had NOTHING but Jesus were satisfied with it- while those of us that have everything we need and then some sit in pews on Sunday and can't be bothered to raise our hands and worship God. It made me ashamed of Christians on the outside that are SO blessed in many ways, yet are no where near as in love with God as these men that are alone behind prison walls. We complain so much when we are so blessed, while these men are ecstatically grateful just because God gave them breath and broke their chains- even though they're in prison. They were free from any spirit of religion. They were worshipping God for who he is, not because they needed to make sure that people saw them in church.

After that, we had a morning of teaching and testimonies by the ministry crew. My husband and I were giving our testimonies after lunch, so we really got to enjoy the morning and bask in the light of God that was shining in that place. During the break, there were multiple men that came up to my husband that knew him from when he had been in prison 16 years ago, and they were so grateful that he was there. Most people who leave prison don't come back. He, however, knew that the impact of his story- that he had been in the EXACT seats that they were sitting in, could resonate with them in a way that other people's stories couldn't. The look of hope on their faces were soul melting. That my husband not only came back to minister to them- but was coming back a Godly, married man who God had redeemed by totally turning his life around, giving him a second chance at being a father, and using his past for GOOD for others who are going through the same thing was something that they absolutely needed to hear. He was there to tell them that their stories aren't over. In fact, it was just the beginning. Just like it was for him. To hear someone give a testimony is one thing, but to have KNOWN someone and then see the changes in them speaks louder than words.

During lunch, we ate the prison food and ate WITH the trustee prisoners. They all shared their stories about how they got to prison, and how they had come to find God. These men were nothing short of AMAZING. You could see that God was using them as a light in the prison for those who were still lost. They had so much hope. Such a stark comparison to Christians on the outside- Christians whose hope in God gets dashed when a prayer isn't answered the way they want it to be. Christians who go through the motions of being a Christian but won't be bothered to live it out outside of church.  Christians who seem like the walking dead compared to the fire that is within these men. It was truly a humbling experience. I can honestly say, some of the greatest Christians that I have ever met are currently incarcerated. The ones that society labels as "bad", have a leg up on Christians on the outside.

My testimony was the second to last session of the day. As I got up and walked to the podium, I scanned the room. I looked- REALLY looked- into the faces of all the men staring back at me. I have given my hour long (condensed version!) testimony dozens of times in front of people, but I really wanted to connect with these guys. Men are hard to read as it is, but men in prison- where emotions are even LESS acceptable than for men in society- are really hard to read. I honestly wasn't sure if my testimony was going to have an impact on them. I knew they would be able to relate- but I wasn't sure if it would actually emotionally get to them. I needed to connect with them emotionally so that they knew just how lost I was before I found Jesus. How much of a hard case. How desperate. How out of options. I needed them to know so that they could see themselves in my story, and see themselves in the hope in my story that I found in Jesus. Sometimes, people can get so used to pastors and ministers and teachers giving bible studies and sermons that they can tune them out. Especially if they feel like they haven't been through the same amount of junk. I remember before I was saved, thinking "yeah, of course God saved you, Mr. Preacher man. What, did you say a cuss word once when you were 16? That's easy to forgive. But when you do the sort of things I have done- the things drug addicts do- that's a different story. It's hard to believe that God wants anything to do with that." I needed to let these guys know that I had been exactly where they had been, and that God did in fact want something to do with THAT. That he wanted something to do with them. If I could be saved and forgiven, anyone could.

 

 

When I started speaking, I am positive that they thought I was a "church person." A good person who had grown up in the church and was just coming to share the love of Jesus with them. I started off telling them how I just graduated college, have a family, do outreach ministry, and have a pretty good life now. But, I told them, it wasn't always like that. I was in the hell of drug addiction for years before Jesus saved me from it. I then went into my hour long testimony about where I came from, what my life was like before God, how desperate and broken and lost I was. I talked about all of the things I had done, all of the people I had hurt, all of the crimes I had committed. I talked about all my failures, all of the people who gave up on me, and how hopeless I was. I laid my soul bare, with no pretense, no hiding any part of me, no covering things up to look like a good Christian. For me, the power of my testimony is in the gory details. It's in the story of just how awful I was, so that the contrast can be seen to what Jesus has made me. It's letting people know that I was the worst of the worst, and that there is hope for them. It's showing people that you are never too far gone or have messed things up to the point where God can turn your life into what he wants it to become. That is my husband and I's calling, and why we are able to tell people about all of the junk in our pasts- because that is where God's glory is seen. The darker it is, the brighter the light shines. We tell people about our darkness so that they can see how different things are in the light.

 

I scanned the audience again as I finished my testimony, and saw at least ten men crying. When it ended, I was given a standing ovation by all of the prisoners. I was surprised, to say the least. Afterwards, I had many of the men come up to me and shake my hand and talk to me and thank me for coming, talk about how it related to their lives, how it gave them hope, and about how their situations were similar to mine. A HUGE (6;5!)guy came up to me, thanked me, and told me that I had both of the guys next to him crying, and that it was quite a feat since they were "hard dudes" (his words, not mine!). The Chaplin came up to me and asked if I would ever be willing to come back and speak with an AODA group, because my testimony had cracked them. It had gotten through the walls that they have spent so much of their lives building. God used my story to show them that there is hope for the hopeless. There is freedom for prisoners. To show that God loves drug addicts and criminals just as much as the person who has been good all of their lives or the pastor that preaches every Sunday morning. He redeems and forgives and restores and empowers no matter what you have done. It is never too late.

 

The ministry team walked out of the prison doors that day, and we went back to our normal lives- but I have not been able to stop thinking about those men. About how they touched me, and about how God had used me to touch them- and what a humbling experience it was to be able to be used to spread hope. I broke down into tears of joy and gratitude when I started thinking about when all of the horrible, painful, loneliness of my past was happening- I didn't understand it and thought that God didn't care. But walking into that prison and seeing God use that same painful past to help someone else reminded me that He was there with me all along, even when I didn't know it. Knowing that I didn't go through it for no reason- but to help others- reminds me of how good God is and how blessed I am to be loved by Him. Knowing that I once lived in the darkness, but now I help bring God's light to the darkness, just floors me. God is good, He is faithful, and He is there through it all. I am humbled, and I am in awe of His goodness and His ways- and I can't wait to see where He will have me going next. 

A bitter heart brings sadness, but God can heal it!

I came across this picture on Pinterest the other day, and it really spoke to me. I gave my testimony at a church earlier this week, and while telling my story and remembering all of the horrible things that had happened in my life, I realized that I could have very easily been a bitter person. In fact, I was for a long time. I had such traumatic things done to me (and loved ones) by other people, and self-inflicted hurts as the result of bad choices I made, that I was angry at God. I thought it was unfair that I had to suffer through what I did. I thought that by holding onto bitterness and anger and seeking revenge, I was somehow making the people who had hurt me pay. When in fact, all I was doing was hurting myself, and stealing the beauty out of life. The people who had hurt me had moved on with their lives, and didn't care that I was hurt. I wasn't punishing them. But I was making it impossible to see the true beauty in life, because I was so focused on holding onto the negative.

I was a very hard hearted person for a long time, holding onto bitterness and resentment as a protection mechanism. It got to the point where holding onto the hurt felt good- I liked being a victim. I liked seeking pity for what had happened to me. And it gave me an excuse to keep going in my addiction. It was easier to hate others than to work on myself and take away my excuses for why my life had turned out the way that it had. It was easier to blame all the things that had happened to me, and all of the people who had done things to me, then to face the fact that I was making a choice to continue to be a victim. Yes, I had been victimized. But I was continuing to allow the people who had hurt me to victimize me years later by holding onto unforgiveness. They still had power over my emotions and mind. I was hurting MYSELF for years, whereas if I would have forgiven right after the incident, that would have been the end of it. All of my resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness accomplished absolutely nothing but making me sick physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It truly was a spiritual cancer.

There is a reason why Jesus admonishes us to forgive in the bible. When you are offended or disappointed by others and allow the hurt to germinate in your heart, bitterness and resentment will take root. Characterized by an unforgiving spirit and generally negative, critical attitudes, bitterness and resentment are sinful and self-defeating. They will color your conscious and unconscious thoughts and actions. Allowed to fester, they will destroy and kill (Galatians 5:19-21). Your relationships will always suffer, and you will never truly be able to experience love or happiness. Bitterness and joy cannot reside in the same heart.  However, bitterness and resentment can be dispelled with love.

What Scripture Says

"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:14,15).

  "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31,32).

"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (I Peter 2:23).

"Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing..." (Luke 23:34).

 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14,15).

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:14-21).

How To Be Free From Bitterness and Resentment

God can free you from this sin. It is an oppressive and destructive emotion having its root in hate, which is likened to murder. You must repent. No one can have peace and happiness with such emotions tearing at him. If you have not done so, ask God to forgive you and to come into your life right now. He will deliver you from the power of the enemy (Psalm 91:3).  If you are already a Christian, you should still ask God to forgive you for being bitter and resentful. Then ask Him to forgive anyone who may have hurt you, and toward whom you are bitter or resentful, even as He forgives you. Refusing to forgive opens up doorways to many demonic forces in your life, and the lives of your family. You must recognize it as satanic. The devil will tell us that we have a "right" to hold onto bitterness and hate, but Jesus tells us to forgive. Whose voice are you going to listen to? Scripture tells us to take every thought captive against the word of God. Follow what Jesus tells you, anything contradictory is from the enemy!

One thing that has helped me tremendously when it comes to forgiving people who have wronged me is asking God to let me see the person through his eyes. Doing this allows you to have sympathy for the person, and understand the reason they did what they did. Not to use it as an excuse, but to see that they hurt you because they were acting out of some kind of hurt themselves. It wasn't about you. Even if it was intentional, it's because they have some deep wound within them that caused them to be so unfeeling. Have compassion on them the way that you expect God and others to have compassion on you. Realize that they were acting out of their pain the same way that you are acting out of yours. Remember all of the things God has forgiven you for- even the secret things that you think no one knows about. Grant them the same grace, over and over again, until you no longer feel bitterness, but empathy.

God forgives and forgets sin. However, you may have made your best effort to forgive and forget and find that you cannot. God can help you to cleanse your memory. Instead of remembering with malice and hurt, remember with forgiveness. Then go one step further and ask God to forgive your offender. By forgiving and then asking God to forgive your offender, you release God to bless you and the other person. You also let God deal with the other person, and let him serve justice on those who hurt you. Trying to take justice into our own hands through revenge and resentment takes the situation out of God's hands. Forgive, and God will make it right. God will make right every hurt, and everything that was stolen from you, if you give it to him.

I remember very clearly God telling me not long after I got saved that I had to let go of unforgiveness if I ever truly wanted to be happy, free, and in order to stay sober. I had to let it go, because spiritually, it was weighing me down. I am so eternally grateful that God loved me enough to save me from the horrible fate that bitterness had in store for me, and instead gave me the wisdom to forgive before it destroyed my heart! Others are not so lucky, and will never experience true happiness despite trying, and putting on a happy front- due to the torment of unforgiveness. They may try to convince people that they are happy, but their bitterness speaks the truth loud and clear. True happiness, love, and gratitude drives out bitterness. Saying that you can be happy and bitter is like saying you can be depressed and joyful. Bitterness sucks the life out of everything good. I have great compassion for these people because I cannot imagine choosing to live a life of such misery, when the key to their prison is right infront of them. It is truly sad, and I my heart breaks  for them, because their continued pain is unnecessary, and self inflicted. At any moment, they can choose TRUE happiness and healing by forgiving. They can end their own nightmare.

I know it's not easy, and I would never claim that forgiveness is. But it's what will free us. Remember that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. My heart is very soft now. The hardness has been chiseled away by the love of God. I have noticed that every once in awhile, God will bring a very bitter, unforgiving person  into my life to remind me where I came from. To remind me to be thankful for all God has saved me from and brought me out of. To remind me to be grateful for my life, because I could be them. To remind me to pray for people, no matter how nasty they may be, because I was in their shoes once. To show me how lucky I am that I can truly love my life in spite of everything that has happened, and that I am stronger for overcoming bitterness than for giving into it. To remind me that nothing that happens is worth carrying a lifelong grudge which steals your happiness and poisons the people around you, because God will make it right if I let it go.

I am also reminded that I am setting an example for my kids. By choosing to not be bitter, I am able to model forgiveness to them, protecting their hearts from bitterness and ensuring they see the blessing in all of their hardships, teaching them to love everyone, and turning them into the type of human being that Jesus desires them to be. They will be forgiving because they see me being forgiving. I want to teach them that we need to forgive ESPECIALLY when it is hard. They will not welcome bitterness because they see their parents taking action to ensure it doesn't take root in their hearts. Instead of perpetuating dysfunctional generational pain patterns of bitterness and hate, I am teaching my children to love, and modeling the fact that God loves and forgives them no matter what they may do in the future. They won't have to live with the emotional scars that embittered hate leaves, but instead will carry on a legacy of love and compassion. I refuse to pass on dysfunction to my children.

Getting over bitterness is hard, because people feel entitled to it. Playing the perpetual victim can become a lifestyle and start to feel comfortable. They feel that if they let go of their resentment, it is somehow letting the person that hurt them off the hook. But it's not. You're letting yourself off of the hook. You will never, ever be able to hurt the person who hurt you by being bitter. Your bitterness is telling them that they were able to hurt you so badly that it has ruined your entire life. Don't give them that power any longer.

I pray for the broken, embittered people in the world. I pray that God can soften them so that they can enjoy life before they die, instead of leaving a legacy of bitterness and resentment, and watching life's blessings pass them by- never able to fully appreciate them, because underneath the surface, their hurt and bitterness is still there regardless of the good things they have in their life. The good in life will never outweigh the bad when you choose bitterness. I pray God opens their eyes to the fact that their bitterness is allowing the hurt to continue to steal from them. Don't let them get the best of you. Don't let them win, don't allow them to permanently wound you while they are happy living their lives with no thought of you. It is heartbreaking, because it's preventable. You don't need to continue to be controlled by the ones who hurt you. God has so much more for you. God can give you beauty for ashes, but you have to give him your ashes.

If you are bitter, God can heal you. He wants to heal you. But you need to give it up. I know. I was there. And I could be there again if I ever take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on myself. If I allow myself to lose sight of the fact that God is good, he is just, and he is for me. If I stop being grateful, and start trying to take justice into my own hands. If I let myself wallow in self pity.  There but for the grace of God go I.

Bear fruit where you are planted

Matthew 21:17: Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!"

The bible has a lot to say about bearing fruit. This passage from Matthew, however, has always really stuck with me. I remember when I first became a Christian, thinking "wow, that was kind of overkill." I mean, did Jesus REALLY have to curse the fig tree because it hadn't grown fruit? Maybe it was just a late bloomer. I mean, Jesus is a sympathetic guy, I thought he would have compassion on the poor fig tree. So what if it didn't have fruit, maybe it was just an off day? Surely it should be given another chance?

As I grew more mature in my Christianity, however, the cursing of the fig tree started making a lot more sense to me. When I went through the women's Christian Restoration Home in Milwaukee, one of the things the pastors used to always preach on was bearing fruit. I was taught that if you have the light of God in you, it should affect the people around you. If you are living out your Christian life the way Christ directs us to in the bible, and are speaking the gospel to people and telling them about Jesus, people around you will start changing for the better, and they will start getting saved. Not because of anything we do, but because we are allowing God to use us to accomplish his will. It's his power that changes people, we are just the vessels. People begin to change because of the power of God in you. You begin to bear fruit in the way of people around you who begin to transform by the power of God, because they saw the God in you and your Christian walk. You have no option to NOT bear fruit if you are in Christ, because the power of the Holy Spirit is too strong for people to be exposed to it and not be affected.

                                      

For whatever reason, though, I've noticed that there has become a trend among Christians where they are choosing NOT to bear fruit until they get to the point in life where they feel they are ready for ministry. Bearing fruit is looked at more like a career choice than an every day activity. Sharing the gospel is looked at as something that you don't do in everyday, mundane life, but rather a job position. "When I move, when I understand more of the bible, when God places me among the particular people group that I want to minister to, when I'm ready, then I will bear fruit. Then I will share the gospel. Then I will share my testimony. When I am in a position that I feel comfortable, then I will tell people about God." This, my friends, is not what God wants. It's not about us or our timing or our comfort. A Christian should never say that they will begin ministry WHEN. Your ENTIRE life should be a ministry. RIGHT NOW. Everything that we do should be for God's glory. Someone who has been saved for one minute can have an affect on an unbeliever. I work with drug addicts who get saved and are telling everyone who will listen about how God saved them as soon as they leave. They don't wait until they have the bible memorized, or they have a ministry team, or until they are commissioned. They do it out of the overflow of their heart and the power of the Holy Spirit, just like the disciples. The church has no excuse. People should be able to see the light of God in you, and want to follow it. Don't hide it, don't repress it, and don't save it to be used later.

Matthew 5:15: “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

John 15:8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.

You see, when we put conditions on our evangelism, when we choose who, where, and when to minister, we stifle  the Holy Spirit. We put God in a box by saying we will only minister to who we have decided to. We miss out on all of the people that God has placed in front of us- the cashier at the grocery store, the drunken neighbor next store, the grumpy old man across the street, the lonely single mom at work- because they don't fit our "criteria." By saying that you are going to wait to start ministering until God has things set up the way you want them is working out of your own flesh instead of letting the power of the Holy Spirit work through you. Think of all of the souls that you are missing out on having an impact on because you're waiting for God to place you in your "mission." Your mission is right in front of you, right now! We live in such a lost, hurting world, and we should be telling the gospel to EVERONE we meet.

Another thing that I was taught in Milwaukee by my pastor, which has been proven time and time again, is that if someone isn't doing something where they are at right now, they are not going to do it in a different position later. Luke 16:10 says that He who is faithful in the little will also be faithful in much. If you are sharing the gospel right now in the little- to the gas station attendant, the grumpy old man across the street, the addict on the street corner- God can trust that you will continue to be trustworthy to do it in the much (ministries, missions, pastoring, ect.). If you are bearing fruit where you are at, you can be trusted to continue to bear fruit somewhere else. If you are not bearing fruit right now in the little, then you will not do it in the much either. To say that you will start ministering when you get to a different location, or around a certain group of people, while their are lost souls right in front of your face that you aren't filled with compassion to minister to, makes no biblical sense. If you aren't ministering where you are at, you're not going to minister in a different location either, because the spirit of God will not be stifled. Once God has touched your life, it's impossible to contain. There is no "waiting to share the gospel." You will want to tell everyone you meet. You will shout it to everyone who will listen, right where you are. Missions are very biblical and valuable, but if you look at the disciples in the bible, they preached Jesus everywhere they were. They didn't wait until they got somewhere else. We should be doing it continuously.p

As Christians, we do not have the luxury of deciding who is worthy of ministering to, and delaying sharing the gospel until it fits into our time table. People are dying right outside of the church doors, because they don't fit the criteria of people's ministries. Because they aren't in women's bible study, youth group, the worship team, or any other church ministries doesn't mean they're not worth ministering to. In fact, they probably need it more. But by being so focused on our "mission target" of people, we can overlook people that don't fit the mold. I can only imagine how much that breaks Jesus' heart. There are so many souls to be saved, and so few Christians that are willing to reach beyond their comfort zone to share the gospel with someone that doesn't fit into their ministry box. We should be sharing the gospel with everyone possible, whenever we can, because we are running out of time.

Which brings me back to the Fig tree. The reason that Jesus cursed the fig tree is because it wasn't bearing fruit. It was useless. Symbolically, it is the same as a spiritually dead Christian- one who is bearing no fruit. Jesus knew the fig tree was going to continue to be fruitless, because it wasn't bearing fruit where it was at. He could have moved it to a different country and replanted it in hopes of it bearing fruit. Or waited to replant it in a different season- when it was ready- and seen if it would bear fruit then. But he knew that would be, well, fruitless (ha!). It's the same way with Christians. If we are not bearing fruit where we are at, right now, then we are not going to bear fruit anywhere else later either. That's a lie that the devil tells us to keep us from proclaiming Jesus to those who need to hear. He says those aren't your people, someone else will tell them, this isn't your time to minister, someone else will tell them, you can start telling people about Jesus later. But it's not true. We should have fruit at all times, in all seasons, in all places. Maybe not in the same way, but the fruit should always be there. To not believe this is to be rendered useless in the kingdom of God, and forfeit touching all of the souls that God strategically places in front of us. Because as Christians, we are " a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9. There is no right place or right time to share the gospel. The time is right now, right where you're at. Bear fruit where you are planted, until God moves you somewhere else. Then bear fruit there. But don't wait. Never become fruitless, even for a season.

\

Would Jesus use the "unfriend" button?

Social media has changed the way we all interact and develop relationships. There are definite pros and cons to the use of social media and its prevalence in society. One of the big issues that has come with social networking is the way we end relationships. Instead of working on repairing relationships, it's now as easy as pushing the "unfriend" or "block" button to rid someone from your digital life and  newsfeed. My thoughts today rest on people’s intentions and motivations for their ‘unfriend’ actions. For a tool that can be used to enhance communication and community, it can sometimes be used in negative or unhealthy ways.

I have done it myself.

There are other times when unfriending happens because of good reasons; unhealthy relationships, abusive behavior, the list can be as long as human relationships are complex. However, I see this type of unfriending to be an establishment or maintaining of healthy boundaries. I also hope that such disconnections are as full of grace and respect as possible.

I know of others, however, who will unfriend because they are angry, or petty, or are acting as some perceived punitive response. It can be used by a group of friends to "ostracize" someone from their social group because of some perceived wrong or disagreement that happened with one of the members of the "included" group. It's a way to make a statement that you are not welcomed or wanted in my life anymore. (Now- does that sound like something that Jesus would say?)

 People who will go through the process of cutting someone off of their social media accounts without trying to engage in conversation. People who perceive the act of unfriending to be a definitive statement on the whole relationship.

The Urban Dictionary actually had a great definition (among the many not-so-great definitions) for unfriending: “a coward’s way of conflict management in the world of social networking; to disassociate from someone or something without attempt to resolve conflict or give notice.”

And this is where I challenge the Christianity of unfriending.

As Christians, we are called into relationships with one another and with God. We are told in Proverbs that a friend loves at all times (17.17), that their counsel is earnest and can be trusted (18.24 and 27.6), and not to forsake our friends (27.10).  We are to serve one another in love (Gal 5.13) and encourage and stimulate one another in love and good deeds (Heb 10.24), to even lay down our lives for our friends (John 15.13).  We are called to enter into communication to resolve conflict (Mt 18.15), to chose forgiveness over wrath and anger (Eph. 4.31). Jesus’ ministry was one of building up community, of loving the world, of joining together to love and serve God.

With this basis, I feel sorry for those who unfriend out of spite or anger.  To me it speaks of a spiritual immaturity or unability (dis-ability?) to live out our Christian calling, an unwillingness to strive to be in relationship with one another. It saddens me to think that there are people hiding comfortably behind the ‘unfriend’ process; who prefer to anonymously break relationship rather than build it. It speaks to me of people who don’t realize that knee-jerk unfriending is less a statement on the unfriended person’s offense (whatever it might be) than on the unfriender’s commitment to community, especially community in Christ.

Now, before you protest about how the person you unfriended doesn't "really" know you, how you aren't connected with each other's lives outside of social media, and how they probably won't even notice (or care!) that you unfriended them, I want you to think about something.

 If someone goes out of their way to friend you on social media without really knowing you besides the fact that you go to their church- does that not tell you that they are desperately seeking community with fellow believers? That they want to be included in the "church" family that your pastor is always preaching about? Can you not see that they want to connect to you for the very fact that you are a fellow believer-that they want to fit into this "church" family- and that by unfriending them, you are telling them that you do not find them worthy of being included in your church family anymore.

Think about how devastating that statement could be to a new believer. Think about the people who don't truly feel welcomed I church, but are trying so hard to fit in. Those who have been hurt by other Christians but are giving it another shot. They reach out hoping that what the Pastor says on Sunday mornings is really true. That the church is a family, that they are welcomed there, and that they are surrounded by people who love them- even if they don't really know them. They reach out to connect with this "family"- only to be unfriended and rejected. And we wonder why so many people say that the church is full of hypocrites.

Our actions on social media have real life consequences in the real world. Studies have shown that 60% of people will avoid someone who unfriended them on Facebook in real life. Think about that. The person that you unfriended on Facebook is going to avoid you at church. Church- the place that is supposed to be a "family" for believers. Does causing division and hurt feelings in the body glorify God? Is unfriending a fellow Christian over petty reasons worth the cost of broken fellowship, awkward avoidance of each other at church and in public, hurt feelings,

and demonstrating to the world that the church really is no different than the world?

I have to give an empathetic NO.

When we “delete” people out of our networks, we end any opportunities to share God’s love and truth, and any needed future help and support, with them. When we “delete” a brother or sister in Christ, we’re violating the principles of unity, forbearance and forgiveness. I have found getting “unfriended” by fellow Christians to be far more hurtful than any other unfriending. We ought to apply the same Biblical principles to our social networking that we do to our in-person social relationships. For guess who is behind every computer screen and who Christ has called us to love as ourselves?

   Jesus didn’t “unfriend” people. He didn’t walk away from them. He walked toward them, embraced them, called them away from isolation, invited himself to their homes, and brought salvation with him. He BEFRIENDED them. Our work is not to shun them, or to shame them, or to fix them. It's not for us to label them as "unworthy" of being in our news feed. It’s to sit at their table, proclaim that gospel in their hearing, live it in their sight.

    That’s what we should be known for.

    Because that’s what our Lord was known for.

Is it ever right to unfriend someone? The answer is yes, of course; some people are abusive or inappropriate in their posts. Why should I subject myself or my friends to that? But then the question, do you just unfriend and allow that person to stumble across their banishment? Or should there still be a process that involves a conversation?

Maybe I am making too big a deal out of this; but I don’t think so. I have been unfriended several times. In the last few years I have found myself “on the out” on Facebook and didn’t know I had been removed. It causes me to pause and ask myself, what made this person feel OK about doing that? And, if we hold up Christ’s standard as important, is that OK for a follower of His to do that? Are these people who I am in some way connected to via Facebook…my neighbor?

Like it or not, unfriending (if you were a friend) is a statement. It tells the person on the other end that you consciously took the time to remove them. You do not want to see their face. You do not want to hear their voice. You are not interested in them and you do not want them to have a window into your life. If there has been a problem between you, then this is a definite step away from. A deliberate step away.

As Christ-followers, are we allowed to do that? I mean go to the extreme end of the argument where someone is your actual ENEMY (not just someone you dislike or are annoyed or offended by) and Jesus says we absolutely, without question, must LOVE them.

Think about that for a second. People who have crossed you, someone you once claimed to cherish, are you willing to actually say, “You are now my ENEMY?” Jesus says, even if they are that — your actual adversary, enemy — you must still engage with that person as modeled by Jesus Himself in Scripture. You must still love them. I don't think that unfriending someone- no matter how hard you try to justify it- can honestly be seen by anyone as an act of love. It's an act of division, an act of no longer wanting to care for or be "bothered" by the person that was unfriended.

Scripture keeps pulling us towards, towards, towards people: back to the table. So the unfriend button on Facebook, for a Christ-follower, should be a sobering thing to stare at.

So, when the thought of unfriending someone crosses your mind, ask yourself a few questions. Will doing give glory to God? Does it demonstrate his love, mercy, and forgiveness? Or does is express condemnation, judgment, disunity, and conflict? Will it bring unity to the body of Christ? Will our actions demonstrate that we are set apart from the world, or that we conform to it and act in the same matter unsaved people do? Does it edify others, or hurt them? What would Jesus do?

As for me, I have made a conscious choice to no longer "unfriend" anyone. If they want to unfriend me, that's fine. But I refuse to be the cause of hurt to a fellow believer . I myself know what it feels like to be on the "fringes" of society and the church, and not really feeling like I fit in. I know what it feels like to be made to feel like I am not "worthy" of entering the church clique that can so intensely dominate Christian social circles. I don't want to cause anyone else to feel that way- even if that's not my intention. It's not worth it to me. I don't want my actions to cause another person to stumble, or to give the world one more reason to justify why Christians are hypocrites and just like everyone else. I promise, from now on, if you're on my friends list- you are there to stay (at least from my end!) Because that's what Jesus would do.

Judge not thy internet memes...

Recently, I came across a very popular Christian blog written by a very popular Christian teacher who is followed by millions. In this blog, the author was ranting about how they are annoyed by the memes on the internet. You know, the little "e-cards" and sarcastic statements with pictures that are meant to be funny, but are more often rude and in questionable taste.  I admit, even I find a lot of these internet memes annoying at best and downright raunchy at worst . Though- a few are quite funny! The author's opinions on memes wasn't what was disturbing to me. People have all the rights in the world to hate memes with a passion- it's a free country right? It was almost a comical read. Until I got towards the end.

What disturbed me was a comment that the author made. After going down her long list of why memes aren't biblical, and why no self-respecting Christian would repost them, she made the statement "if you are truly a Christian, you would not find these funny or share them." A real Christian wouldn't be laughing. If you think they are funny, YOU ARE NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. What a message. What a judgement. That sentence made my heart break. MILLIONS of her followers were just sent that message.

My heart broke not because I have a soft spot for memes, or because I find some of them funny. My heart broke for the people reading it who may find them funny, and who already feel like they are not good enough for God. People who are constantly being condemned by the devil and by other people for their past. People who are constantly bombarded with thoughts of "God couldn't really love me because I'm not good enough. I've sinned too much."  My heart broke for the new Christians who may still have a long way to go on becoming new creatures in Christ. Christians that may not only think memes are funny, but have a host of much bigger issues that they are dealing with in their life that other Christians would judge as "unbiblical".  People who feel like they won't be accepted by God because they're not perfect Christians who love the lord, and are trying their best to walk a Christian life, yet at every turn they are having stones thrown at them because they still have issues they struggle with.

It brought back a flood of memories of a time when I was a brand new Christian, yet still struggling with drug addiction, alcoholism, smoking, pre-marital sex, and a host of other issues. I desperately wanted God to set me free from my strongholds. I joined a small group at church once in order to get plugged in and seek out Christian friends, and I remember very vividly sitting there listening to the girls in the group talking about how horrible it was that one of their sisters got caught smoking, and what a horrible sin that was. They were horribly offended that someone would sin that way and dishonor God like that. Repulsed was more of the word I would use to describe it. Sitting there listening to them,  all I could think of was that if they thought that was so horrible, if they knew me, and what I had done and still struggled with, they would want nothing to do with me. I shot heroin. Surely, if smoking made someone "not Christian enough", than heroin certainly did too.  I left that small group feeling judged, unwanted, and unlovable to God. I walked away and never came back. Instead of it being a safe place where I could confess my faults and be prayed for and loved on by other Christians, I was met with contempt by judgmental people who though they were better than me and sent the message that God could never love me. I wasn't really a Christian, because I had strongholds that they didn't.

That was such a heartbreaking time for me. I wanted desperate to be able to fellowship and worship God with other believers, but I felt so judged and condemned by them that I couldn't even force myself to walk in the doors. They were right, I was still very sinful. They had me convinced that God would have nothing to do with me until I was perfect- perfect like they felt they were. Until I stopped smoking, stopped doing drugs, an stopped laughing at internet memes, it was made clear that I would never be accepted as "one of them", and that Jesus didn't want me. I gave up and stopped trying. If I had to be perfect to be loved by God, there was no point in even trying. I was a mess.

Despite what I still struggled with, God had freed me from many things. My testimony was powerful, and he had done a lot of work in my life. Some just need more work than others. Instead of looking at where God had brought me from, I was being judged by what I still had left to change. Thoughts like this by Christians in the church hurts so many people. For example, some of the people that we work with in our outreach ministry are pretty rough around the edges. They have a lot to work through, and a lot for God to reshape and remold. But you have no idea how far they have come. They have incredible testimonies about what God has brought them out of. What to you may seem "unchristian" (i.e. internet memes) is huge progress from where they used to be. The girl who prostituted for years, robbed people at gunpoint, shot heroin on a daily basis, abused her kids, and hated God is now saved, drug free, celibate, loves God and her children, and pours her life into helping others daily. But, the church judges her on the fact that she finds an internet meme funny. Instead of giving God the glory for the changes in this woman, there are Christians throwing rocks at her and judging her on her media choices. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? Let's find the sin you still have and crucify you for it and judge your Christianity on it, without stopping to find out your story. That doesn't sound like Jesus to me. 

The thing is, Jesus tells us not to judge for a good reason. We have absolutely no idea where people have come from,  what they have had to overcome in their lives, the pain they have suffered, the hell that  they have been brought out of, and how much they have already changed. We have no idea how far God has brought them, and how hard their journey has been. The Christian walk and being transformed into the image of Christ is a process. Who are we to judge how long that process should take? Maybe it's easy for you to be appalled by internet memes because it offends your Christianity, but for someone who was just sticking a needle in their vein last week, it's understandably much less offensive. You have not been through what they have been through or fought your way out of hell like they have. In the grand scheme of things for someone who has made it out of addiction, a meme is a very small thing  to be concerned about. There are much bigger, life or death, soul crushing sins and strongholds that God wants to take away from an addict before he focuses on convicting them about their humor. It is a process. Jesus will convict them about  raunchy humor in his time. God knows their heart. We do not.  It is very dangerous, and very prideful, to take it upon ourselves to judge where someone is in their Christianity by a small snippet we see of their life. 

My point is, it is the Holy Spirit's job to convict people to bring about change in them. It is not for us to throw rocks at them and tell them they're not changing fast enough, or that they haven't changed enough to really be a Christian.  That they're not good enough, that they haven't "gotten it all together" yet, that they haven't really changed. That sounds like something the devil would tell them to keep them away from God- not advice from a fellow Christian. New believers- especially former addicts- who have switched from darkness into light get enough condemnation from the devil, from people reminding them of their pasts, and from their own conscious due to their inability to forgive themselves for some horrible things that they have done during their addiction. The last thing they need is someone judging them about the many small issues that God still has to work on in them. There are a lot of issues that addicts have to deal with when they give their lives to Christ- issues non-addicts have no idea about. As Christians, we should be showing them grace, love, and standing beside them with support as they walk through the long, hard transformation process that listening to the conviction of the Holy Spirit brings. We need to be a safe haven for them, not one more place where they are condemned for not being "Christian" enough.

My heart hurts for the addict who comes to church in a scantily clad dress and gets dirty looks from the congregation. While I think "PRAISE GOD SHE IS HERE," many others are judging her clothing choices and giving their husbands dirty looks if he glances her way.. I praise God for the addict who shows up to bible study and swears, because at least they are there and getting a hold of Jesus. I don't judge their language.  I praise God for the addict who posts bible verses in between internet memes on their social media sites, because at least they are learning the word of God. I would much rather have the come as they are than not come at all. JESUS will convict them about modesty, their language, and their social media content. I am just thankful that they are giving him a shot and opening their heart so that he can do it later on down the line. To ostracize them for not being "Christian" enough will only cause them to feel condemned, unloved, and unforgivable, and possible shut the door on Jesus, and the church, for good. Why don't we stand and rejoice with them at what God has done in their lives, instead of beating them up about what they still need to change?

I was lucky enough to get saved in a church where I KNEW people weren't judging me. The pastor was a former heroin addict and Latin King, the associate pastor was a former drug dealer, and the entire congregation was made up of former drug addicts, pimps, prostitutes, drug dealers, gang bangers, murderers, adulterers, thieves, liars, and criminals. They were all on fire for God, because they were grateful for what he saved them from. I felt at ease there, because I knew there was no judgement. They had been where I had been. They had done horrible things in their lives as well. They still had a lot of issues to work out, and weren't expecting me to be perfect. They welcomed and loved me in all my flaws, and let Jesus do the changing and convicting. I honestly don't think I would have stayed in a church if it wasn't for this place. THere was no worrying that I was going to be judged for what I had done or even what I was still doing. The weren't repulsed by my past or current actions because they had been through the same thing, and no one thought they were better than anyone else. We were all messed up  They let me know that Jesus forgave me of everything in my past, no matter how horrible. And, if I found raunchy internet memes funny, he would forgive me for that too. But they would not call me out, point fingers, or make me feel unloved because of it. They loved me and accepted me and gave God time to work and convict me about things I needed to change.

Christians, please be conscious of how you judge people, and what you say . What may seem like a huge sin to you may be progress to someone who has struggled through much greater things. Don't judge people off of your life when you haven't lived theirs. We all come from different place in life, and some of us have much more junk to work through than others. That doesn't make the one with less junk any better- and to think that it does is a slippery slope to pride.  To think of someone walking away from church and God because someone told them they are unworthy and not "Godly" enough is utterly heartbreaking. What may look to you like someone not "acting" like a Christian may in fact, be the result of years and years of struggle, transformation, and God changing someone. They may be better off spiritually now than they ever have been, and it's not our place to judge if that place is "good enough." They just had a lot more to change and a lot more junk to work through than you, so it may take longer for them than it did you. But don't condemn them for that.  Be thankful that internet memes are your biggest spiritual concern, and pray for those who are fighting much bigger demons. Love, mercy, compassion, and grace wins out over condemnation and judgment every day. I'm living proof.

The day before.

Tonight, a dear, dear friend of mine celebrated her 6 months of sobriety. God has done amazing things in her life in the time since she stopped using drugs and alcohol, and she is a walking testimony of his power, mercy, grace, and ability to redeem. Tonight, I and others who have walked similar paths as hers celebrated this milestone in her new life. It his truly something to celebrate- the prodigal son- the lost sheep- who is welcomed back into Jesus' arms with as much love and acceptance as the one who was never lost. A life restored, and given new hope. If ever there was a reason to celebrate, it was tonight. Six months without using drugs or alcohol may not seem like much to a non-addicted person, but for addicts, it is a lifetime. When you try for years to stop- when you have horrible consequences, lose everything important to you, and are facing death because of a substance, yet still can't go without it for a day despite doing everything you can to loosen its power over you - six months without it is an incomprehensible and seemingly impossible goal- until the day you wake up and realize that by the grace of God, you have gotten there.

As she was getting ready to say a few words about her six month anniversary to a room full of people, I asked her if she knew what she was going to say, and without really thinking about it, I told her to think about her life six months and one day ago- the day before she stopped using. As soon as I said it, I started thinking about where I was at in my life the day before I quit. For an addict, it usually takes something truly hellacious for them to get serious about quitting. At least, for addicts like me. The worst kind- the kind that have had 500 rock bottoms that seem like they can't get any worse, yet somehow do every time. The addict who is so afraid to stop using that they will go to prison, lose their children, sacrifice their health, betray those that they love (as much as an addict can "love"), live like a beggar, and be on the edge of death- and do it willingly- as long as it means that they can keep using. It takes a lot for an addict to truly stop- so much that a majority of us don't make it out alive before we reach our "enough."

I started to think about my "enough" moment 7 years ago. The moment that I was finally so broken, that I was desperate enough to surrender and give God control of my life. Not that I thought that he would want anything to do with me- or that I was redeemable- or even that I truly believed God existed. But I was so hurt, so lost, so tired, and so desperate to stop- that it was my last resort. I prayed for a death that never came- a death I would have gladly welcomed. When it didn't come, I was desperate enough to have just a tiny flicker of faith that MAYBE, just MAYBE God could help me. Because nothing else could, and it was my last hope- if he was really there. And that maybe was enough for him to work with. That tiny amount of faith- and surrendering to him- allowed him to transform my entire life, and the 1 day sober that seemed impossible has turned into seven years, and God has turned my life has been turned into something wonderful- something far beyond I ever dreamed was possible while in my addiction.

Thinking about all the things that have happened in my life since "the day before" I found God and sobriety, I am in awe, and very grateful. I remember where I came from, and I am reminded why I never want to go back there. Sometimes it is easy to forget how horrible things were when things are going well. But as addicts, for us to forget is dangerous. The minute we start to forget the pain, the desperation- where we were when God lifted us out of the slimy pit and the miry clay (Psalms 40:2)- is the minute our addiction can start playing tricks on us. It will convince us that it really wasn't that bad. That we can handle it now. That God would never let us end up in that situation again. It's how people relapse. They forget the pain, and going back to it- just once- can seem harmless, appealing, painless.

It is good to be reminded of the pain sometimes. I have a wonderful life now, but I never want to forget. Seeing the new people that come into CROSSroads- so full of pain and desperation- helps me remember. I hurt for them because I know exactly how painful, lonely, and hopeless that they feel at that moment. Emotional, spiritual, and physical pain beyond comprehension- where death looks like a welcomed break. I hurt for them, yet I also rejoice. I rejoice in the fact that maybe, just maybe, this time will be the time that it is painful enough for them to give it over to God. Painful enough to believe that God is real because it's the only option left. Painful enough to be their day before. Painful enough that they will look at their lives six months and a day later and be in awe at what God has done in their lives. Painful enough to remind them why they never want to go back, and painful enough to remind them that they are utterly hopeless without God. Painful enough that they can testify to others that the word of God is true. That there is freedom in the pain, if only we look to the one who has the answer.